A sudden calm has embraced me. I think it comes from deep within, crying your eyes out, sharing with friends (like you), reflecting a bit. And letting some time pass. (For all who emailed me with your own stories and kind sentiments, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am touched beyond measure.)
Nola and I talked on the phone most of the morning. We shed tears that women our age just sometimes need to spill out. We reminisced about meeting through Blog Land a few years ago. A serendipitous phone call from her aunt telling her she should go visit me. I thank you truly, Aunt Margie.
And then I went out to collect the mail. All cried out, ravenous with hunger all of a sudden, and ready to plow forward. Romantic Homes magazine was in my mailbox. And this little blog was featured in it. Something told me that was a sign I should follow, curves in the road and all.
I’m in good company.
Tina is in there too. And she doesn’t live all that far from me, though I’ve never met her.
I celebrated by gathering the dogs into the Pathfinder and driving down the road to Chick Filet. I really needed a good shot of their dependable sweet tea.
I found that I wasn’t rushing through traffic. I stayed in the same slow lane all the way there. And I didn’t curse any car that cut in front of me. Kind of a new normal for me.
I look into the same mirror in the same room today (wincing about the paint job I haven’t gotten around to). And see somebody slightly different than I did just yesterday.
Bonnie is still gone. The printed out phone bill still sits on my desk, destined for the trash can next time I head to the kitchen. And there was a new development in my life, almost overwhelming in nature. Coming out of the blue so close to everything else.
I never met my father, as most of you know, or anyone in his family. Just recently learned the names of my grandparents, long dead, through the kind efforts of Jodi.
One of his relatives in Arkansas emailed me a couple of days ago. Now I’ve got a long list of family I never knew existed. I’ve learned that an aunt fostered my sisters before they were adopted out. Their first and last names rhyme with mine. It hit me: Did my mother give them those names because she had to give me up? Was it some sort of token of love that she hadn’t forgotten me? You can read about that here.
And it seems I may have relatives right here in my own hometown. Now isn’t that something?
The little yellow chair garden is growing like nobody’s business.
The gift basket has gone home with the neighbors (minus some chocolates I had already eaten.) And there’s two plates at the kitchen table.
Normal is a relative term. Thank goodness for that. I mourn my dear kitty Bonnie. And I don’t know when I’ll stop crying for her. I hope by some miracle she comes back to me. But instead of “Bridge Over Troubled Water” running through my head, there is now a replacement.
I think for now I’ll just give Mister In-Between a real wide berth.
“You’ve got to accentuate the positive. Eliminate the negative. Latch on to the affirmative. Don’t mess with Mister In-Between…”
I think for now I’ll just give Mister In-Between a real wide berth.
Oh I am so glad you had a good day! It takes a lot to get there but I am glad you are! The new normal is not bad just different. I have a sweet little friend staying the weekend and unfortunately I think I may be ready for another dog!!!Kramer is a Carin Terrier and SUPER sweet! My mom LOVES him and has always wanted one. He has to be groomed so I will have to think hard about that part. Less shedding though! I still hope that someone down the street is feeding your sweet Bonnie and she will venture back. I am glad you have found family and that your cousin has helped you this week!
Hugs, Lisa ♥
One day at a time Brenda that’s what my Mom and Grandma use to say and I say it a lot too… One Day At A Time !!!
Congratulations are in order that’s wonderful that you are in the magazine how exciting!!!
And you have family names >>>!!!!
Wow that’s a major step Brenda, my suggestion is go and meet them explore your Dad’s family.
I know you will never forget her and you haven’t finished crying or hoping.
Take care of yourself
Diane
Thinking of you, Brenda. I admire your looking for the lemonade pitcher…
xo,
Laura
I’m home if you want to call. Thrilling to be in Romantic Homes, isn’t it? Congratulations, my friend.
xo
Claudia
Oh Brenda, life really is giving you a few curves in the road isn’t she. Some fantastic like the magazine, that is absolutely wonderful and finding some long lost relatives, then some is not so wonderful. However, sounds like you are coping and making all the right turns with all the curves in the way. God Bless and keep on trucking as they say. Hugs, Marty
I am so happy that you were featured in Romantic Homes Magazine!! I’t's always been a favorite of mine and YOU are a favorite of mine too. I’m also happy that you are getting to meet more and more of your relatives. I’m sure that they are thrilled to get to know you.
I keep praying that Bonnie will come home soon. When she does you can give her a good talking to from me!
Lots of love,
Susan and Bentley
xxoo
Dear Brenda…my heart aches for you. I haven’t stopped thinking about you. My Weegirl disappeared for eight long days two years ago. I cried and I thought I was dying with grief. She turned up after I went house to house for days with flyers. Thank God. I love her so. She is 18 years old now and I sleep with her every night. I never know when my time will be over with her. My heart is so hurting for you because I understand COMPLETELY what you are going through. YOU are in my prayers, sweet one. HUGS!
OH!! Congrats on being in the magazine! I cannot wait to get it! Hope it is on the stands soon!
Hugs, Lisa
Dear Brenda, I have a cold and I am a little fuzzy but wanted to say how much my heart aches for you. Don’t give up! I lost my cat for five days in a virtual black hole and when all hope was gone….he returned. Your love for your dear Bonnie is so touching. May God bless you and hold you close to Him during this time. I am sending my thoughts and prayers to you, right now.
Hugs, Barb
Congratulations on being published!! I started to email you about what I dealt with and with the message of “If I can do it, you can”, but decided against it. Take care of yourself during this very stressful time in your life.
OMG I am so glad I stopped by here today. I am so behind with you and so sorry about that. I hope to catch up soon
Honey what a blessing to be featured in such a lovely magazine. I would be doing the happy dance (well if I could move around)
Congrats on being in this magazine I have to buy a copy…can not wait to do that.
Don’t know what to say about finding more relatives…it could be good news not bad..in your own hometown is something.
Hope you entered my B-Day giveaway..if not stop by and do so
Love you
Maggie
I’m sorry kitty has not shown up. I know you keep hoping. I am VERY happy about your being published! I can get the magazine and say you are MY friend…right in the magazine! I’m so proud! Enjoy the rest of your weekend! ♥
Congratulations for being in the magazine, that is so amazingly cool!!! I am sorry about your kitty, I am mourning my cocoa. It’s been 5 weeks now and I don’t think we will see her again. We had her for 6 years and she was the sweetest kitty. Good luck on the family search. That is an amazing story.
Cindy
How exciting that your blog was in the magazine! It definitely deserves it.
I hope you are able to meet more of your relatives, amazing that some may live right near you. Life sure can take some unexpected turns, I hope you start having some more good turns coming your way.
Hi Brenda. So glad to hear some hope in your words. I can’t wait to get your magazine. Very proud of you and Tina.
Two plates at the table……I’m hoping that’s a good sign.
My cousin was just reunited with her brother (from another mother) 6 months ago. They spent some real fun times together. He had a heart attack a couple weeks ago and died from complications at 62. So sad but so glad that they had those times together. I hope the reunion with your relatives goes well.
((((HUGS))))
So glad things are somewhat looking up. That is so cool that your blog is in the Romantic Homes magazine. Congrats.
Oh my Brenda! I had no idea until right now what you’ve been going through! I guess I’ve been busy and haven’t really been keeping up on my favorite blogs. My heart aches for you and I keep hoping I read a post where Bonnie has returned. I will be praying for you and her safe return. Sounds like you are feeling a bit better…I hope that feeling keeps getting better.
Hugs, Becca
Brenda, I am glad that seeing your feature in the magazine made you happy. You deserve to have some good times in the midst of your unhappiness about Bonnie right now. Take it a day at a time and go with the flow, is my new motto. Wishing you all the best, Sue
I just read your post about your beginning. Made me cry. I don’t even know what to say. So sad……but like you said maybe your mother knew what was best for you.
hi brenda,
so sorry to hear you are sad about bonnie. sending warm thoughts to you.
sending congratulations on RH, too!
xo
elyse
One of the most beautiful and poignant posts I’ve ever read, Brenda…thank-you for your sweet honesty.
You WILL find your new “normal”…we humans always do…and life will be VERY good again once again!
Peace is a beautiful thing…keep it close to you as much as you can.
What an exciting thing to find new family at this time…I wonder what help and comfort they will bring to you…nothing happens by chance, you know!
I hope your weekend is a good one…do good and comforting things for yourself! We’re here for you!
Brenda, you seem to be taking the curves in the road with great courage. How wonderful that you have some names of family with whom to connect. Good luck!
And a big congratulations on being featured in Romantic Homes. I’m going to go pick up a copy tomorrow. Can’t wait to read the article. ~ Sarah
I just got caught up on your childhood to where you are now. That is sweet Jodi did some genealogy for you. Hard work! I hope that the family members that you get in contact will enrich your life! Congratulaions on being in Romantic Home! And Tina to! This is so very exciting and hope in some small way, you can celebrate.
Thinking of you Brenda. Knowing you are missing your sweet Bonnie.
Hugs,
Maryjane
xox
Holy cow, you did NOT curse in traffic? I’m not sure what that means, exactly!
Thanks for the sweet words, dear friend! If people could hear our phone conversations, what would they think?
That chair garden is taking off! It looks great.
Talk to you on Monday! Hugs…
I am so glad that you seem to have turned a corner…so very glad…
Congratulations on your feature too!! Yeah for you!!
So sorry to read about your kitty
Congrat’s on getting “published”..
I saw it yesterday when I was reading my magazine..That is so cool.
Take care.
Warmly,
Deb
Wow, congratulations! It would be so exciting to be in the magazine! I’m glad more people will see your lovely blog.
I hope you get your precious kitty back. I know that when I was little our cat used to go away for weeks at a time sometime. She would come back and just meow non-stop practically, as if telling us about her journey.
~ Nan
Glad you’re better, Brenda! I’m still so sorry about Bonnie! Hopefully she will return.
I’m so proud of you being featured in the magazine! That’s wonderful.
Wonderful too about finding out about more relatives!
Be a sweetie,
Shelia
I’ve thought of you so many times recently, Brenda. It is one day at a time. . . as your posts show. I think your “ramblings”, as you put it, are wonderful. You are such a good writer….and your thoughts are not rambling to me. They’re very insightful and profound.
About dear little Bonnie…don’t give up hope for her. My friend’s cat was missing for over three weeks…and she was JUST found!! Those kitties are survivors, too! Dana
When it rains, it pours, both good and bad. Congrats on the article. Your garden is looking wonderful. I always enjoy my visits to slice of life. Whether good or bad, we will take it. Have a relaxing Sunday, Kate xoxoxox
Congratulations on being featured in Romantic Homes! Your blog is perfect for that. I’m glad you’re day went well too. You have many friends out here praying for you.
Blessings,
Marcia
Stunning words and honest sentiments show such a beautiful warmth of humanity despite whatever difficulties you have witnessed and are experiencing.
You are brave.
VillagedeVaux
I am so sorry to hear about your cat Bonnie. Losing a pet is one of the most painful things…I have found that creating a scrapbook about them is helpful during the grieving process.
Brenda,
I am so glad that you had a better day. I am hoping that you are feeling better alittle more each day! Just try to keep moving forward, that is all we can do.
I am praying that Bonnie will return to you soon.
xo
Robin
Brenda-So glad you have Nola and that you had a good talk. Good friends are worth their weight in gold. The chair garden is looking great! Keep keeping on!
Oh my Dear, I’m so happy that you have had things happen, which have put you in a ‘better place.’ So, so, so happy for you!
Congratulations to you, on being shown in a national magazine, of course.
I don’t understand all of what you said, in your entry. But that’s ok. I should just be so happy, that you find yourself ‘in a better place.’
Many gentle hugs…
Congratulations on being in the mag! How fun! And I love the “new normal”. I think I might just have to use that one myself. ;o) Hang in there. Lots of Love coming your way! ooxx`jodi
God never closes a door without opening a window. May he bless you richly, Brenda, in your new normal. You’re doing great. Now, excuse me. I have to go get me a copy of that magazine.
Good morning Brenda, you know what they say about closing a door and opening a window. I think may windows are opening for you, one at a time. That may be because right now it’s all you can handle my friend. Bonnie may be lost, but she is not gone. Bonnie will forever live in your heart and your soul. Like I mentioned before, one day at a time, one step at a time.
Congratulations on the feature. That is wonderful and you should be so proud. When you are sad, open the page, surely it will make you smile and your heart sing, Char
Congrats on being in Romantic Homes!!
HAve a great day!!
Debbie
I cried when I read this, Brenda, because I’m happy for you that you found your family and that you are deservedly featured in the magazine! I’m so sorry that Bonnie hasn’t returned, and I’m glad that you have found the new normal. Whatever normal is or shifts to, we’re here with you!
XO,
Sheila
Applause, applause! Love that magazine and now even more…they have great taste! So happy to hear that life is reaching a bit of a comfort zone…and now you are finding more relatives…amazing! Can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings!
♥, Susan
congratulations on the magazine!
sending lots of hugs
What a sweet blog….romantic homes??? wow!
sandy toe
Sometimes when something is taken away something is given. I believe it is God’s tender mercy that makes that happen. How wonderful that you have made it to Romantic Homes. That’s how I found blogging, after reading about Daisy Cottage in Romantic Homes! I have a similar background. I’ve never known my biological father or any of his family. He decided to walk out of my mother’s and my life before I was born. Although my mother and step father raised me it still leaves a big hole. I’m not sure if I want to dig it all up or not. I know I have half siblings out there somewhere. Let us know how it all works out. Mimi
Me again. Thanks for highlighting Nola. I went to her site and was so glad to see the information on Celiac. From her site I went to Curtiss’ site and even more information. This will be helpful to my family and I want to pass the informaiton off to Grandma Yellow Hair. Isn’t it funny that you get to know some of the same people by blogging. Hope today is going well. It has been a fun day here.
I am hoping to get something posted tonight. I went to a garden Center today and you would not have believed their fairy gardens. They had the most adorable house and barns in them. Looked like they were made of stone. Wow, were they ever expensive…$100 – $200. So check out my pictures later. ((((HUGS))))
Brenda… I have been absent from your blog site for a few days… I come back and catch up …. only, to find that you needed me and I wasn’t here… I am thinking of you as a woman that has been where you are… I am hoping for the best with Bonnie and everything else in your life… your life may seem to be out of your control right now; but, just remember you have a lot of blogger friends that love you and are here for you… take comfort in all of our words, thoughts and prayers…. keep blogging… just let it out there..
~WOW!!! Congrats Brenda! How exciting is that to be in the magazine. I’m so proud to know you and read about your gorgeous home.
I’m relieved and happy to see you are doing a little bit better. I’m still hoping for her safe return.
Thank you for grabbing my new button to display. Thanks for the nice words on my weight loss as well. It’s so worth it to eat healthy, fresh foods. You will feel great!
Blessings, ~Melissa
Congratulations on being featured in the Romantic Homes magazine! I think that is huge!! You have certainly been on a roller coaster lately. I hope life evens out for you very soon. Hang in there, I know it’s not easy.
Congratulations my friend…how exciting..I must look for that copy…I just got the June issue…we are in the backwoods for getting our publications on time…I can’t wait to read it. xoxoxoxo….It is a good sign. xoxo
Brenda,
In reply to your comment about Cocoa and Theo, yes, they go berserk at a cat, bunnies, another dog, a leaf floating through the air, a loud truck muffler, a strange person walking by, or I almost forgot, a squirrel. In between, we have peace and quiet–hehe
Robin
Brenda, congratulations! Your blog is special, just like you are.:) I am so sorry about your Bonnie. I know that’s heartbreaking. Thinking of you and sending hugs….xoxo Lidy
WOW…what a difference a day makes!
WONDERFUL!
Congratulations on the write up in RH. That is a lovely magazine and I am proud they selected your sweet blog, with it’s awesome photos.
xo bj
That is so wonderful that your blog was in a magazine! Don’t really know what to say, but thinking of you and hoping each day gets a little easier and happier.
Congratulations on being featured! I’m sure that cheered you up a bit! I’m so sorry that there’s still no sign of Bonnie. But I’m glad you’ve found your new normal.
Manuela
I’ve just read the last two posts, and the link.
And like you, I am going to focus on the good. Congrats on being in Romantic Homes, one of my most favorite mags ever.
What a wonderful piece of news.
Jen
Hi Brenda,congrats on being in romantic homes!! I can’t wait to get my copy….Kathy
Hi Brenda…so nice to meet you! My goodness…Romantic Homes…congrats! That is on my pixie dust list. Can’t wait til my mail comes! Your blog is so great ~ looking forward to catching up. You have some beautiful tableware to eat, drink and be merry with. Celebrate who you are today and embrace with an open mind (and heart) what each new day brings.
Lovely mention. SO hoping for you that bonnie comes home. My heart is with you x
You are such a smart woman and such a wonderful writer. I’m not surprised that Cozy Little House was featured at all!
I’m keeping your new normal in my thoughts!
I’m glad you’re feeling better, and congratulations on your article in the magazine. You and Bonnie are in my thoughts and prayers (I know she will come home soon).
Hugs,
Donna
me again. Just “met” someone in blogging all the way in New Zealand, and wouldn’t you know it, she “knows” YOU! You are known world wide, for your sunny, beautiful self and blog. xo hope you have a better week, Lidy
Congratulations on being in Romantic Homes!!! I’m so excited for you, I can’t wait to run out and buy the magazine.
You’re a special girl, do you realize that? Your positive attitude is such a blessing to ALL of us!! Thank you for making my morning better with your uplifting message!
Love, Andrea
I’m so happy to have stumbled into this world of yours. It’s only my second visit but I sure do like it here. I don’t know your past story but I’m glad to read the road seems to be turning and leading you down a new path. Congratulations on the magazine! Super exciting. Your garden is delightful!
Congrats regarding the magazine – that’s such an honor. but I’ve been telling you that you are special..I’ll definitely buy this issue.
Your tone sounded a little better today (can one actually tell “the tone” of others on blogland?) it’s terrific you are finding family, what a nice diversion.
have a great day,,,,,lots of love
Brenda, you will have good days and some not so good ones. Just take each day as it comes… the greiving process takes time.
[It looks like we will be moving after all. I hate to leave this home... I do NOT handle change well at all.]
Anyway, I hope that two plates set for breakfast meant you had some company?
I’ve been a bit ‘missing in action’ here recently as I can only do a few minutes on the computer at a time until I get my new glasses – and I need to win the lottery before that happens! LOL
I do hope you are feeling better Brenda altho grief is a confusing beast and just when we think it’s under control she comes crashing into us again.
This post is a little ‘slice of life’ really isn’t it – sadness in your loss, joy in your publication, and excitement and mystery in your family discoveries. While there is no doubt it’s a risk contacting previously unknown family cos heck you might not get along at all, etc, in my experience it’s worth the risk. For me it brought not only wonderful people but a new perspective and understanding of who I am, and the genetic inheritance that is a part of me (it wasn’t me who was adopted but my mother many many many years ago) – I wish you well with this from the very bottom of my heart.
BTW I’m sure Lidy’s reference to finding a NZ blogging friend of yours is me, she has visited my blog in the last few hours and I’m a confusing creature because I live both in my birthplace, NZ (at least for a little time each year) and here in Sydney, Australia. Of course you’re well known not only Downunder but I see a few of the truly ‘international’ followers of my blog are also following you now – not that I’m surprised, there’s always something wonderful to see!
Hugs from far far away
Brenda, I am so sorry to hear about Bonnie. My heart aches for you. Our pets are our family. They love us unconditionally. Just remember all of the sweet times she gave to you and your family.
Now I have to brag on you and tell my friends that I now have TWO MORE blog friends who have made the pages of one of my fav mags!
Can you see me jumping up and down in JOY for you and Tina?
I am!
I am!
I am!
Congrats, dear friend. Way to go!
((hugs))
Becky
Oh Brenda, I’m so sorry about the missing Bonnie. I’ve had a couple of cats disappear and I know how heartbreaking it is, and how you keep looking in the yard and on the street whenever you drive somewhere. I do hope she returns. My friend had a cat who disappeared, then showed up 8 months later – thin and scrawny but alive and so glad to be home!
Congratulations on the RH article! I need to go buy the issue because I accidentally let my subscription expire!
xo Jill
You sound 100% better. I thought I was going to have to drive down there {wouldn’t that have been fun?}.
So it seems you have found a happy medium for your feelings and that makes me feel good! A big horray to you for being featured in RH! I can’t wait to buy it! And I am looking forward to hearing more about this family puzzle…if you choose to discuss it.
Take care my friend. I am still hoping your little girl will show up.
xoxo
Jane
Coming down to see Mama in a few weeks…. we will do lunch — it’s past due!! Congrats on the Romantic Homes article… you deserve it!
Hope with each passing day the pain is softened…we lost our beloved doggie several years ago and we still miss her…Glad you got good news and you are published in a magazine!! That is awesome…My heart does go to you about your beloved Bonnie…take care.
Miss Bloomers
This is life isn’t it – joy, pain, sorrow, worry – and the list goes on. I am so happy for your shout out in Romantic Homes and I am so sorry about the missing Bonnie and your other troubles. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Such a big day for you for many different reasons Brenda! Congratulations on your mention in the magazine, I am so happy and excited for you and it is more than well deserved! I am also happy for you to now have some ideas about your family, and wherever that may lead you, I wish you every happiness lovely Brenda. My thoughts are still with you and your darling Bonnie ~ Tina XX
I’ve gotten so behind on my blogging and I’m so sorry to here about your sweet baby. You never know with cats they could show up at any time!
Walk towards the light… just a little bit every day…
May our Heavenly Father be by you today…
Cielo
Dear Brenda, sometimes when things are taken from us, God fills the space with others to occupy our time and our mind. How exciting to find out more about your family. And how wonderful to be mentioned in Romantic Homes. The cover looks fantastic. Wishing you all the best, blessings, Tammy
What adventures you have had in your life lately. Up’s – Romantic Homes, I was thrilled to get my copy yesterday and see you there. And Down’s – Bonnie still missing. And inbetween’s – family being discovered. I think the cup of tea is definitely good right now to sit and take it all in.
SO proud of you and your well deserved feature. You are a treasure.
Love,
Sue
((((Brenda)))))
I am so sorry that your Bonnie is still away. I pray that she finds her way home to you soon.
I can only imagine the emotions that you are going through with your family and so many other things. One day at a time, right sweet friend?
AND BIG CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU for your feature in RH!!! That is awesome and you are so deserving. I’m thrilled for you!
Hang in there kid. We are here for you.
Love,
Kim
((((Brenda)))))
I am so sorry that your Bonnie is still away. I pray that she finds her way home to you soon.
I can only imagine the emotions that you are going through with your family and so many other things. One day at a time, right sweet friend?
AND BIG CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU for your feature in RH!!! That is awesome and you are so deserving. I’m thrilled for you!
Hang in there kid. We are here for you.
Love,
Kim
Sometimes we get a little sign that things are about to change for the better, and I suspect your mention in Romantic Homes magazine may be just that. Congratulations, that is such wonderful news and I’m so glad to see you receive the recognition you deserve. K xx
Congratulations on being featured on Romantic Homes, my dear friend!
Hugs!
Mara
Brenda. I am so glad to read this post. Time passes, hearts that will hurt forever in some way really do begin the healing process. It just takes time. And don’t let anyone rush you. Just take it one day at a time and you’ll see.
Big hugs! Karen
I just got my Romantic Homes in the mail today and I was so thrilled to see you in there!!! Congratulations!!!
Brenda~
hey girl…
so happy to share the pages with you! It’s pretty cool we’re both from East Texas!! So close to each other!
I love that!
Congratulation!
((hugs))
Tina