I went out for an early morning walk. Enjoying the bird sounds.
I like to take in all the different forms of architecture. You don’t see this kind of thing in newer neighborhoods much. It’s here, in the old parts of town, that you find so much character.
Got that odd feeling that something or somebody was eyeing me. So I turned around. And look what I saw.
He or she decided, I guess, that I was not a menace, and got up to follow me a ways.
Go back home, kitty.
Kitty didn’t make it more than about ten feet, then stopped, its ears letting me know it was a little put out. Guess it decided I wasn’t worth getting up from its spot and messing with.
I found this house rather striking. Look at those container plantings on the front porch. Very different.
I’m kind of full of recollections today. This is the ten year anniversary that a good friend of mine killed himself.
When I can’t resolve something in my mind, or shake the sad thoughts, I tend to reach for my camera. And head out. Somewhere. Anywhere.
Just to be living in the here and now, I guess.
Because I’m long past looking for answers. Racking my brain for reasons. It just is.
He was 48, a handsome devil. He was a psychiatric social worker. He was engaged to be married to a beautiful, talented architect. He lived in a lovely downtown apartment.
One of those old buildings they renovate and rent to single professionals. He never had children.
He had served in the Peace Corps for two years in Zaire.
I have lots of photos of him in scrapbooks. I can still hear his laugh. That sense of humor he had was part of his charm.
Where did the time go? There was a time, not long before, that he had been the one who brought be back from the brink. Had talked me around. Sat with me while I cried. We both had our demons.
So much history Chuck will never be a part of.
I still miss him. When I look back, I just wish he could have been one of those friends you grow old with.
I wish we could be back sitting on my porch in that other town that I’ve been gone from a long time now. Enjoying one another’s company. Watching the world go by.
I love the old houses with so much character. So sorry about your friend. It’s hard to miss people that have left us behind. I like to think we will see them again, but somehow they are still with us. Especially if I find an odd photo of them stuck somewhere. I know that is a sign they are visiting, and to that I just say a soft hello, nice of you to drop in.
Some people are in our lives for such a brief time yet they leave an imprint, and we miss them. I have a nephew who killed himself when he was in his early 30′s. It made no sense then, and it makes now sense now. He had a lot going for him. I even thought at times it could have been a murder. I found out later a few others had wondered the same thing. Evidently the police thought differently, it was ruled a suicide. So sad, and what a waste of a good life. It can still make me sad and bring me to tears.
(((HUGS))) Susanne
I get tired with everything and want to sleep a long time but not ready to check myself out. God is aways with me. When He’s ready then He can take me. Brenda after seeing how you look at everything and see beauty or something in it, well i am doing that to. Everything is beautiful….in it’s own way…….as the song goes! Thank you for helping me SEE that! Love all your pictures! Have a great day! Kendra
Such a hard thing to understand and accept. My Grandfather committed suicide and we never really could get our heads around it. I am sorry for the loss of your friend, but you do have the memories to warm you when times are tough. Hang in there Brenda! Hugs, Linda
I bet your friend would have loved your blog, Brenda. You share so much of yourself here, and you always pick yourself up and carry on. He’d be proud of you, and this was a really lovely tribute to him.
I certainly understand your grief over Chuck. A young man that I grew up with met a tragic death that we still don’t know whether it was suicide or murder by depriving him of medical care during an overdose. I miss Hudson so often. I had known him as a child and just as we were reaching adulthood, he was gone like a flash in the night.
I love what Maggie said about finding a picture of them and their stopping by to say hello to us. Very sweet thought. I’ll think of this when I see a picture of my Dad, who left way too soon. It’s so hard when you think someone has such a wonderful life, great job, in his case a fiance, but we just never know what goes on in one’s mind. Carol is right, he would have loved your blog and he’d be so proud of you for what you’ve endured. Thank you for these beauitful pictures.
I understand the wish to grow old with someone. Don’t try to wrap your mind around it. I don’t think that is healthy. I’ve been through it too. I think we just walk on and over time except that there are some things we will never understand. When I think of what she has missed I feel like throwing up. So I seldom think of her now. Just wish it were different. I know I will never know why and that is ok.
You live in a very charming neighborhood, Brenda – college kids and all
I’m sorry for the loss of your dear friend, how very sad. He must have been very tormented leaving behind all the good that was happening in his life.
I recently found the blog of an innocent baby born with SMA. The sweetest, most adorable baby girl. I saw a new post today and was anxious to read it. I was captivated by her story and parents’ strength. She passed away yesterday, just 3 days earlier had seen her doctor and was doing fine. No indication. All life is precious, for however fleeting. xo
I love all the homes that surround you. They are just the right size. The kitty following you is too funny. I’m surprised it didn’t follow you on home and in the door.
Suicide is so hard to understand. I don’t think we ever will know why.
((((((HUGS)))))
Hi Brenda!
Death of a loved one is always hard to understand, no matter what the circumstance. Just accept the fact that it was his life and he chose to do what he felt necessary…
I am glad you took a walk… it helps to view the world around us. I hope you can stop to chat with someone new from time to time.
xoxo Bunny Jean
I’m so sorry for your loss, Brenda. There will always be question unanswered and I am sure his fiancee has had a rough time as well.
I love the homes in your neighborhood, there is quite a mix of styles as there are here. I should take a walk with my camera but I am a little too self conscious to snap pictures of people’s homes! lol! I’ll just enjoy yours. Pretty kitty!
People make an impact in so many different ways. Some paint a house in striking colors, some leave the house plain. Some own a pet that visits with passersby, others think pets are too much trouble. Some live long and uneventful lives, others live fascinating lives that end much too early. Some throw beer cans all over the yard, others decorate their yards with birdbaths and pots of flowers. We can choose the ways we make an impact. Thanks for making an impact by sharing your daily walk and your thoughts, Brenda.
My niece died yesterday morning~she was only 27 years old~none of us know why she died yet but I have a feeling I will be missing her as you have been missing your friend…I miss her already!!! she was my husbands sisters daughter~her only daughter too…life is so unpredictable at times…we are so sad but hope and pray God will see us through this tragic time…Carol
I’m so sorry for your loss. This year will 22 years since my brother left two little girls without a father. He has missed so much. I miss him everyday! Sending hugs to you!
I love older homes with a lot of character. The newer homes are what I call “cookie cutter homes”. I’m so sorry about your friend, Chuck. Hugs and blessings to you.
We all have crosses and deal with them in different ways. Many things in life can’t be explained. We just cope and pray for peace and remember we don’t want to leave others tormented by our decisions.
I enjoyed taking your walk with you, but I am so sorry about losing your friend. Memories are sweet, and sometimes all we have. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. -Ashley
Brenda I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. You will have some sunshine soon my friend for the Lord is walking with you. Your photos are very pretty, love the roses!
Sherry
Love the houses, especially the one with the red trim!! So fun!! Happy May Day!! xo Heather
Brenda ~ just remember you were BLESSED to know him and he had a reason to be on this earth. It sounds like he carried you through some tough times. Your angel for a while. Be happy when you think of him. Blessed to have him be a part of your life. Do not mourn but rejoice that he was in your life and no one NO ONE can take him away from you. You can still hear him laugh. How wonderful
Brenda ~ just remember you were BLESSED to know him and he had a reason to be on this earth. It sounds like he carried you through some tough times. Your angel for a while. Be happy when you think of him. Blessed to have him be a part of your life. Do not mourn but rejoice that he was in your life and no one NO ONE can take him away from you. You can still hear him laugh. How wonderful
It’s so hard to loose a friend or loved one that way. My husbands nephew took his own life last August and he was only 15. I guess they are in a better place.
Gretchen
Love your “therapy-with-camera.”
There really isn’t anything I can think of to say, just please know I care.
O’ death. Where.is.your.sting?
Alive and well inside our hearts sometimes.
Never had anyone close to me literally take their own life, but I have one that has blown her life away on drugs…all after the age of 50. Yes…50! For what? Some loser dude of man she was trying to hang on to. In the process she lost everything and everyone that EVER meant anything to her as well as her health.
She is 63 now and I sometimes think experiencing her physical death would have been better than watching her life waste away.
I wish your friend was with you.
I wish it more than you know.
Love, Rebecca
Hi Brenda,
Beautiful photos and beautiful old houses. Love the kitty who came out to say ‘hi’. That’s such a shame about your friend…it’s hard to loose close friends but even worse this way. At least you still have your happy memories of times spent together. I hope your week is a good one. Maura
G’Day, So nice to meet you.Sorry for your loss it’s so hard to lose a loved one/friend and when you have no answers it makes it even harder.
Thanks for the visit.Loving all your photos.I will be back for another visit.
~Cheers & Blessings Kim
Life can certainly throw you some curve balls, when nothing makes sense. I do find there is healing in nature. I hope your walk gave you some sort of comfort today.
What a cute kitty.
pretty little houses make such lovely pictures:) love the kitty’s face.
maybe you could plant something in your new garden in memory of your sweet friend-and watch it grow?
I just love coming here, Brenda. I always feel like I am walking right along side of you as you see things through your camera’s eye. Love that kitty!!!!! xo Diana
I’m so sorry to hear of the great loss of your dear friend. That is something that the ones who are left behind, never really get over or ‘move on’ from….so many unanswered questions. I hope you find peace, and , as you said, remember his laugh and his smile and all the good memories you have.
Lovely table! Love the colors! thanks for sharing..
toko busana muslim
Love your blog. It’s almost like poetry. You are able to express what we only wish we could.
What a good friend he must have been. I imagine he would love your beautiful pictures.
It’s strange how one person’s actions will stay with, or haunt, us for the rest of our lives. I’m so sorry for your loss. Just two nights ago I sat on my bed with my three youngest children and we talked about suicide. One of my daughters school mates killed himself last year and I knew a boy the same age when I was in school who also committed suicide. You just don’t get over it and you’re left with so many questions.
Whoever said your blog is like poetry is right. You express yourself in such a beautiful way.
And, I am sorry I have not called you yet. I WILL.
Just wanted to drop in quickly but then got caught up reading not just your post but all of the comments. I also liked the one from the woman who suggested maybe planting something in his memory? The first house we bought (15th and Victor…just off Utica) had a giant rose bush that the elderly man who lived there had planted when his wife died long ago.
Next week is my sons graduation so I am hoping week after if that will work for you.
Nancy