People often use this time of year to reflect. To think about where they were in life a year ago. Before the new year begins.
To look at the calendar they’re about to take down, turning it back to January.
A lot can happen in 12 months time. Things you can’t foresee.
I had just moved here after a divorce. The divorce attorney told me that with the court’s mandate, I would financially be okay, have a chance to get on my feet, for four years. That, unfortunately, lasted only four months.
I moved here, where there was family. If I’d known then what I know now, I’d have gone in another direction. But hindsight is, as always, 20/20.
I broke my ankle on both sides in early July. That’s when things came to a head, so to speak. You find that “family” often tend to see you as a burden then. And can’t handle it. If you’re lucky, you have a new friend named Judy that comes in and takes you to surgery and cares for you for months when you cannot do for yourself.
Nearly six months later, I’m still battling with that recuperation. Six months out of twelve. But you can always look at the person in front of you in the supermarket, or maybe behind you, and they have it much worse. So you put it all in perspective.
And you realize that if you’d gone in that other direction, you wouldn’t have found a Judy like I did. And that truly would have been a shame.
Five years ago, just to put this into proper sequence, I was about to begin my first blog. I pondered it five years ago today. I needed a place to put my thoughts, a place to escape to. A place to escape from.
I felt like I was in a dinghy shot full of holes. When I’d manage to get one patched, another would spring forth and water would shoot through. I was drowning in a lifeless, loveless marriage. They never start out that way, of course. But on the day you marry, you of course never know that. You have stars in your eyes and hope in your heart.
And so on the last day of the last month of 2007, I sat at my computer and wondered where to start. But somehow I found the words, and I hit Publish. I didn’t quite find my niche with that one. Or the one after that. But I did in April 2009, when I began this blog. It felt like home.
I no longer live in the same house. I no longer tend those gardens. I don’t even know how long I’ll be able to stay here. But that’s just four walls. You realize you can create “home” wherever you land, as long as there’s a roof over your head.
I look out into the skies and wonder what’s ahead. All of us do. I guess the not knowing keeps our heads up in uncertain times. And like everybody else these days, I’m facing uncertain times.
This may sound strange, but I like to walk around cemeteries to think sometimes. It’s quiet. You wander amongst the graves and tombstones. And wonder what their lives were like.
Sometimes I find my answers written across the sky there.
Five years later I’m still here, plugging away. Chugging out pretty much a post a day. It is cathartic for me. I imagine you feel you know me by now. Certainly you’ve been good to me. You’ve been beside me on the trail as I wandered.
And for that, as I look toward a new year, I am immensely thankful.
You left out the part about how you’ve inspired all of us with your decorating, and provided so many wonderful blog tips for us!
I guess if you like bright colors and lots of polka dots, I may have helped you!
Brenda
You are such an inspiration to us all. Not only with your beautiful photos and wonderful sense of style but with your personal struggles. You have been through so much but you keep on going. I can only hope for a better new year for you than the last two have been. Life is uncertain for every one of us. You just never know. I have decided that instead of my new year owrd to be something to challenge me, that it will be to “enjoy.” Just to enjoy. No stress, no feeling guilty just to live in the moment. I am hoping that for you as well. Happy New Year, Brenda.
I think that’s a good way to look at 2013: to just enjoy. Every moment, every time you laugh, every time you need a friend and one is there. I always think to myself: what if I don’t enjoy this day, and it’s my last?
Brenda
It is very true that none of us know what tomorrow will bring but we can make sure we feel gratitude for all the wonderful things we have today. Lovely post!
You’re so right. That’s really all we can do. Live in the moment.
Brenda
Brenda I learned something today I didn’t know. I had no idea you had tried blogging 5 years ago, so glad you continued, as we all love your daily posts. Life sure is hard and seems to get harder everyday. I am also thankful Judy happened in your life. Lets pray for a better New Year.
Yes, I stayed with one blog till I fell into another. Writing is good for me. It keeps me motivated. It shows me where I am and where I’m going. I’m very grateful that Judy came into my life. Don’t know what I’d have done without her. She’s an angel.
Brenda
I was waiting for the “met Judy part” to happen, and of course, it did! Why you were led there, not just for the obvious reasons. I wish I could find my blog cathartic, I feel that it keeps me down and keeps me from doing things for myself that I need to do. I cannot post everyday. Too much for me. I look for 2013 to give me answers in what to do with that, as well as taking better care of me. I enjoy your posts and your photos and your musings. Wishing you all the best. Happy 2013 to all of us! xo
Only you know the answers. And if you don’t, maybe you can wander around an old cemetery and stare at the sky and look for answers. If you ever want to talk about blogging, just let me know. Maybe I can help?
Brenda
I know you have been through a really rough patch! I only met you in this past year, but I can sense your pain, as you have navigated through this past year of uncertainty.
I have prayed for you. I am wishing you a new year, full of good things coming your way.
XO Kris
I think if we knew what was up ahead, and how hard it was going to be, we’d just be totally immobilized by the fear of it. Sometimes if feels like the worst thing has happened, and somehow we muddle though anyhow.
Brenda
And how blessed I am to have you in my life!! We’ve had some fun, fun times and some that were not so fun, but we’re still going. You are going to have a great 2013. I just know it.
Love,
Judy
I couldn’t have done it at all without you, Judy. You were and are a God send.
Brenda
I pray the new year brings you many wonderful surprises.
Fondly,
Glenda
Thanks Glenda. I just hope it is easier than 2012. And hopefully not worse!
Brenda
Brenda I’ve only been a friend for about a year but I am so glad I found you. Your struggles have been hard but you are a survivor and have given so much hope to so many of us! One of the best things about blogging is finding that support from friends you might never meet in person but are there for you always. 2013 may have more challenges but it will also be a way to continue to grow!
hugs, Linda
Blogging has brought me many things I cherish. The first is friends across the globe. The second is knowing you all have my back. And third, it is knowing you all listen and care.
Brenda
You have been through much in the last years, Brenda…and have shared it with wisdom and grace…and gratitude…you are an inspiration to many. Wishing you a wonderful 2013!
Don’t know about the wisdom. I don’t know about grace. But I’m grateful for this day. And if there’s a tomorrow, I’ll be grateful for it as well. Thanks for your kind words, Linda.
Brenda
I am so glad you are here still “chugging along”. You have done a great job with all you have been through. And, in the moments of life when you needed family- you FOUND family in Judy. Family is much more than a blood line and I have found that often thoe we adopt as family are the best of all.
I will watch and pray for you as you enter another year in your little blue house-xo Diana
Thanks Diana. Yes, I agree family is who we choose to call family. It has nothing to do with bloodlines, I’ve learned.
Brenda
Happy New Year’s hugs to you, Brenda.
I have a feeling this is going to be a good and momumental year for you.
Keep those observant eyes and heart, open.
Prayers for you. And good healing be yours. I hope you are dancing in no time.
I’ll be thankful when I can just walk around the block. I never learned to dance. Maybe it’s time I learned.
Brenda
Thank you for being you. Honest, open to us, and caring. I am thankful you have Judy.
I don’t know how to be anybody but just me. And I’ve very thankful for Judy. She came into my life just when I needed her the most.
Brenda
Brenda, I wish for you all the joy and happiness for 2013! All the trials and tribulations we endure make us stronger. Thank you for sharing your thoughts in your blog. You never know who you are helping. ♥
I wouldn’t want anyone to think life is a bed of roses. Then they would feel bad that theirs might not be. I choose to be honest because we don’t do anyone any favors by doing otherwise. If you can help just one person, then you have done a good job, I think.
Brenda
I too learned something today: I didn’t realize you had blogged before. You’ll have to share that experience with us. I know you’ve had a very tough year and by sharing some of those ups and downs you’ve given a lot more people than you know hope to persevere through life’s problems. Where there’s a will there’s a way and you have certainly shown that to be true. I am so happy for you that you and Judy became friends. We all need a Judy in our lives! This will be a good year for you!
Yes, everyone certainly needs a Judy. I think about all the people hurting out there. But they just put one foot in front of the other and keep moving ahead.
Brenda
I’m so glad you found your niche. I’ve only just found you. Your post today about reflections made me cry as I am facing some difficult times. What you said about how you can create your home wherever you land is just what I needed to hear today. Thank you for sticking with it until you found your niche and I found your niche too.
Have a blessed and prosperous new year in 2013
Well, thank you for the compliment. Very much appreciated. They say home is where you hang your hat. That could be most anywhere. If I have to move, and I can still see some of my things around me and have my dogs, then that is still home.
Brenda
I think that 2013 will get better and better for you. And your home is wherever you are and your dogs. I agree with the other commenters–you have been a Judy to so many of us as we had the desire to blog. God bless you.
I feel honored to have been able to help out.
Brenda
You have been a huge inspiration Brenda. I always enjoy looking at your beautiful photos and reading about your journey. When one door closes another one always opens. Here’s to a happy and healthy 2013 with doors wide open:-)
If not a door, then perhaps a window at least?
Brenda
Brenda, I loved what you said about home is wherever you create one. I will be facing new changes and challenges this coming year and your blog inspired me today! Thank you for doing that. You are loved! Jean
Thank you, Jean. Change is scary, but sometimes it is for the best and we just don’t know it.
Brenda
Hi Brenda… I was reflecting back on my life this morning. Its been a whirlwind these past 2 years since Jeff died. I can certainly get stuck on only remembering the hard parts, but if I quiet myself down I can clearly see all the blessings that Christ bestows on me everyday. I started a 1000 blessings journal several months back. Every night before i go to sleep I reflect back on my day and write down all my blessings. First and foremost my health is what I am most thankful for. Today I will write down how thankful I am for the SUNSHINE here in Indiana!! With the snow on the ground and the sunshine it looks like my yard is full of DIAMONDS!!! Thank you GOD!!! What an artist He is!! I am off to the grocery now and will write down how thankful I am to have a job and paycheck to buy my groceries. And a car to GET to the grocery. So… I hope you can get start writing down what each day you are thankful for. It is really fun to go back and read the prior entries. Back on the 4th of July I was thankful for bubble gum!! I was TRYING to teach my grandaughter how to blow bubbles with it!! Hysterical!!! But I was TRULY thankful for the bubblegum and the memories I made that day with Lilli.
I pray that 2013 will bring you many many smiles and laughter.
I thank GOD for YOU and and your blog all the time. Its my first blog I check everday.
I hope the sun is shining in Tulsa!!
Have a good and fun Sunday Brenda!!!
You are loved my many!!!
((((( HUGS))))))
MJ
PS I am Very thankful I have a warm coat to wear to the grocery! It is ONLY 22 degrees here and the windchill is 9!!! WHY do I live here???????????????
Haven’t had any sun in days. Hope we get some rays soon. Your idea about being thankful, and writing it down for prosperity, is a good one.
Brenda
Brenda, you help all of us keep on creating, . and for some writing. I have decided, this New Year’s Eve, I am going to meditate and write…thanking God for the healings and blessings in 2012. I will start a new journal, and pray for the things not yet seen, that I might be given the wisdom and grace to journey through 2013 without grumbling and defeating thoughts and conversations.
You help all of us to want to be stronger..just by sharing your life. (((Brenda))).
I have a bad habit of scaring myself half to death with “what could happen.” Then I tell myself it’s senseless to waste time doing that. For we have today to enjoy.
Brenda
We all do, indeed, have our uncertainties as we look ahead. They may be financial, emotional, physical or some other kind, but they are always there. You are coping with your uncertainties as best you can, because you have no other choice. None of us really does have a choice, because the alternatives are usually so much worse.
Keep working, keep trying and above all keep your hope alive. I wish you a New Year filled with unlimited possibilities and good things. Hugs.
If we don’t have hope, then what do we have? We have to hope things will turn out okay.
Brenda
Hi Brenda…I need to tell you this…you are probably the strongest person I know…I could never of made it through everything you have made it through and still be standing…you are an amazing woman
I am HAPPY to know you and I wish for you ONLY THE BEST in 2013…anything you set your mind to be doing I know you will be doing it!!!Looking forward to following your life in your blog in the coming months…Love ya! Carol
If someone asked me to describe myself, the last word I would think of is strong. I feel afraid much of the time, and that makes me feel weak. You’ve been a wonderful and caring friend to me.
Brenda
You never need to be afraid Brenda…God has your back and is always with you!! weak???Thats NOT in your vocabulary! You do not give your self enough credit!! Carol
Good post, Brenda. I love the variety in your blog. Of course I look forward to the beautiful colorful photos and your creativity, but I also find things to relate to in Just Reflecting on Life. Things like dissociation- yes, I’ve read way back. ( I have to say I’m intrigued with the stories graveyards tell also, and with history in the sense of how people lived and how their lives were affected by what was happening.) I’m so sorry for all your losses and disappointments through your life. But you do keep going. Glad for your teapot miracle right at the close of one year and the outset of the new. Your teapot has good things to say, between the inscriptions on it and the experience you had with it. May you have blessings of health, peace, and friendship.
Yes, you have read way back! A lot of people don’t understand what dissociation means. I’m sure you did. They say what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. The teapot was a message to me: Wait for good things to happen. Consider it an investment.
Brenda
I wish the best for you Brenda!! Your an inspiration to us all. Good things are coming your way. Happy New Year.
Kathy
And I can’t wait to see what treasures you find at estate sales and turn them into beautiful things in your home!
Brenda
Happy New Year, Brenda. I have only blogged since the end of May but am glad that I found yours a few months ago. I visit it regularly. Now, I would have done this post anyway ( because I go crazy after Xmas every year at some point about clean-up ) but this year when I posted it I thought of your question the other day in regards to when we all want to get rid of our decorations etc …) In this case I did it earlier than ever……..
http://www.thehomespun.com/go-away-christmas-clutter-on-this-snow-day/
I shall go check your post out post haste.
Brenda
Brenda,
Thanks for sharing part of yourself with us. I enjoy your blog very much.
Like you, I find pleasure in wandering around cemeteries. I find them such peaceful places for thinking and praying and listening.
I can relate, on some level, with your devastating ankle injury, as my dad fell the day before Thanksgiving and had what’s called a pilon break (crushing his ankle), and it was an open break. My husband and I have been helping Mom take care of him since then. We’re grateful for many things and pray he will walk again. I’d love to know more about your recovery, if you have a chance to email me.
May the New Year bring good things your way and complete recovery from your ankle injury.
Kind regards,
Dayle
I will go over and email you about it now.
Brenda
You have poured your heart out in your blog. Some days I found it hard to read your pain was so great. Sometimes I felt a little angry at you even though I don’t know you. At other times you amaze me with your resilience and faith that things will be better tomorrow. I keep coming back because you are so honest with your feelings. Some blogs are so happy all the time you wonder if they are covering something up. You make us all feel like we have walked this road with you and we all are hoping for a happy ending for you. I pray for you and I am so glad you have a good friend you can depend on. I can’t wait to see what this year brings. I pray it will bring good things for you. God bless.
Sometimes I get angry with myself. More than I want to admit! I appreciate your reading and for being so honest. I can’t read “too happy” blogs very long. Makes me feel like I somehow took the wrong path than they did. Or was born with bad karma. I too am thankful I found a friend that is and was so very dependable I could trust her with my life.
Brenda
When people say you are strong and you say you don’t feel that way, I can relate. You know I lost my oldest son 3 years ago and when people say how strong I am, what else can I do but shrug my shoulders and say, “thanks”? I know sometimes you want to yell, “No, I’m not; appearances are deceiving!”
Thank you for your friendship and for plugging along and sharing your journey with all of us. And yes, you are very blessed by wonderful Judy!
Losing a child has to be the worst thing possible. I for one like to read you write about him. He is still there in your heart, so he is right there in your life. Share him with us. I know you do from time to time. It is not depressing to readers, at least not to me, to read about someone who is no longer here. The stories about them keep them alive.
Brenda
Be married to an alcoholic 30 years? Who would choose that?
Whatever.
It got me where I am.
Yes, I understand your joy in Judy !
Garden & Be Well, XO Tara
I was not married to my particular alcoholic that long. About half that long. But I sure will not forget it! You and I walked the same paths at about the same time. Grueling but necessary. I hope you don’t let your family get you down. And you move forward in 2013 as the strong and vital woman and business person that you are.
Brenda
You are right, life is difficult for so many of us right now, but all we can do is keep plugging away, my friend. I hope for a year filled with happiness for you.
Hugs,
Laura
And I wish you much success on your new challenge and move.
Brenda
Happy. New year Brenda !!!!!
Happy New Year, Andy!
Brenda
I’m so glad we met through our blogs, Brenda. I have found you to be a very strong woman; one that inspires me. You have a kind heart and that speaks volumes. Your home always looks inviting and you have such a knack for organizing. Something I need to work on. I don’t think I even liked the colour red until we met. Now I love it. Your desire to walk through grave-yards is not so unique. After my friend, Christine died, every day for months I would walk Kane around a local grave-yard just, at first, to feel closer to her. I started reading the stones and wondering about the lives of those people gone; especially the women. I found it quite fascinating and Kane got lots of exercise.
“Happy New Year to you, Brenda. All the Best in 2013.”
And I’m so happy I met you and your cats. That Audrey keeps me highly entertained. We grieve in different ways. And heal in different ways. I hope for you lots of new pretty dish finds and lots of cat love. (And anything red.)
Brenda
I am so happy for you that you are able to see the silver lining – finding your Judy. Our son recently went through a divorce (actually not final) and is finally out of the clouds and seeing the sun. We all agree that the silver lining in his case is that we got to be a family again – ex wife wasn’t into “family”.
Continue enjoying the next chapter.
Marriage is hard. Divorce is hard. I’m not sure personally which is the hardest! I haven’t had much luck with marriage. I am glad he can now walk in the warm rays of the sun.
Brenda
I am not a blogger, but I love the color red and polka dots, so of course I was drawn to your blog.
Regarding Judy and learning to dance, I love the following quote…”A friend is someone who dances with you in the sunlight and walks with you in the shadows.” I say dance every chance you get, because as you said, you never know what tomorrow may bring.
Brenda, have a wonderful 2013!
I love that quote! I’ve never heard it either. I shall write it down. Thank you! Red and polka dots are just happy, aren’t they?
Brenda
It certainly sounds like you’ve been doing a lot of reflecting lately. I’m sorry to hear that things aren’t going well on the home front these days. Sounds like you found a great new friend while living there though! Hopefully, 2013 will bring you better things. One thing I know for sure. The past is over and the future isn’t guaranteed, so live each day in the present. It’s the only sure thing we have! I try to remember that when I’m feeling anxious about the future or regretful about the past.
You sound very wise in the way you look at life. You are right. Nothing is guaranteed. Live each day in the present. I’ve got to work on the feeling anxious and worried part.
Brenda
Thanks for sharing your reflections. Thanks for planning on plugging on, and continuing to blog, so that we can enter another year reading your insightful words and looking at your lovely and meaningful photographs.
Why thank you for such a lovely compliment! Photography has become my passion. Sometimes a photo says so much more than words.
Brenda
Beautiful pictures and post. Hope the next year is better for you. Happy New Year!
All we can do is live and learn. Happy New Year, Kim!
Brenda
Wishing you all the very best for 2013.
And I look forward to seeing more red items from your blogging.
With love leanne NZ
Oh, you’ll definitely see a lot of red here!
Brenda
So sorry this past year has been difficult for you–well, the last two years for sure! Things aren’t going to sell in my life either, but as you said–there is always someone who is worse off. I know I should be more grateful, but sometimes that is just plain hard! Praying 2013 brings a season of peace, quiet and contentment for us all!
V
Yes, feeling grateful sometimes feels like pasting a smile on your face that is covering a frown.
Brenda
Woops–I meant “things aren’t going so well ….
I knew what you meant.
Brenda
You never know what is going to be around the next corner. In your case it was Judy – a wonderful new friend. Sometimes hardships bring the most blessings! Have a wonderful New Year!
You’re right. You walk through the shadows and into the sunlight and there is something there to sustain you.
Brenda
Your blog was one of the very first that I discovered. I’ve lost count of how many years ago that has been. In the beginning I would just read and lurk, too self conscious to comment. After quite a while, I couldn’t stand it anymore. I had to start letting people know how much I enjoyed reading their wonderful writing and seeing their photographs, so I started leaving comments. It took me a long time, but finally, thanks very much to inpiration from your blog, I started a blog of my own. There is still so much I need to learn about it. You have always been such an inspiration and a wealth of information. I wanted you to know that and to thank you. I guess we all need to just keep looking and moving forward. Have a wonder-filled New Year!
Well thank you for saying that! I’m so glad you started a blog. It changes our lives in so many ways!
Brenda
Brenda,
I really like your “Reasons to Go On Living” art piece. I want to create something like that for myself and then hang it up to remind me for when I am low.
I am sorry to hear about your divorce and how this past year didn’t go as you needed it to. I am happy to hear though that you have a Judy.
I moved home after my divorce too. My family was very helpful especially the first years.
But I still need my “Judy” because my family is a bunch of very busy people who don’t understand the pain and devastation of divorce (that I felt anyway).
Praying that 2013 surprises you with glorious adventures, creative and soulish friends, and healing in the areas big and small.
That is actually a page from a Susan Branch calendar: 2012. It is beautiful, isn’t it? People get this idea in their heads of when we should “get over it.” But that is not the time table in our heads and in our heart. I’m glad you have a “Judy.”
Brenda
Wishing you a peaceful and productive 2013.
I wish you that as well, Gwen!
Brenda
Dear Brenda,
You never know what the next year may bring. Why does one person get knocked on the head in a skiing accident and die and the other person crashes into a tree and lives? Two years ago in January I tripped one night while running back to bed after letting my two dogs outside. I had a serious brain injury developing, with no visible impact on the outside. It wasn’t until a full two months later that I exhibited signs of a stroke, and I was having trouble speaking while working in my little school library. My pregnant daughter took me to the hospital. The good news for me is that I was operated on for a subdural hematoma, and I am still alive! During the time of my fall, I had been quite depressed and overwhelmed by life. I am age 65, but I was on the opposite end of your spectrum I was depressed by my Mom, age 86, who lived two blocks from me at the time and finds so little to praise and so much to criticize. Two weeks after my surgery, she attempted suicide. This brought all our problems to a hurried culmination. I had to quit my beloved job as a school librarian that June as school ended, but I have a new job taking care of a little granddaughter and grandson. My sister asked our Mom to move a 2-hour drive away to live in an assisted living community near her home. (My sister now expresses so much more empathy for the issues I used to tell her about.) So much has changed in a year. I guess the point of telling you all this is just when I was feeling so overwhelmed and depressed, I got a wake-up call that my life is a gift. Each day is all we have. We don’t know what the future may hold, but we have today. It is important to embrace it. Attitude is everything. Please don’t let the crummy attitudes of your family hurt you anymore. Let that go with 2012. You have so many talents to share with the world. I have told many friends about your wonderful blog and your unique points of view. I have read many of your old blogs and stories. Your empathy for that lost girl at the carnival has probably touched many lives. I hope that your next door neighbors have developed some consideration for you!!! You are a gifted writer…your writing has presence. You have a new friend Judy, and you have many friends on-line. You are a multi-talented woman. Your photography is poetry. It speaks to me! Wishing you the best in 2013. Your on-line friend, Pam
Pam, you have been through so much. Sometimes I’m glad I never knew my mother. Maybe it makes things simpler in some ways. I’m glad you’re okay. Does your mother take anti depressants? I’m sure if she tried to commit suicide, a doctor would probably have felt compelled to prescribe one. I have had to learn that you can often love someone, but not like them. I thank you for your wonderful heartfelt compliments. It made my day! And I think about that little girl from the carnival who would now be a grown woman a lot. I can’t seem to let her go. I can’t imagine how her parents, if they’re still alive, must feel. Oh, and you’re the first to know, the neighbors just apparently MOVED!
Brenda
Brenda, now that is the BEST news…the neighbors moved! Bet that your two cute dogs are almost as happy as you are now that there is a little peace and quiet when they need it. Thank you for your thoughtful reply. My Mom is now getting the medications that she needs. One is an anti-anxiety drug. My sister is now in charge of dispensing her medications, but Mom is seeing a psychiatrist and is getting some help. It sometimes helps me to picture my Mom when she was a little girl. I don’t think she was too happy. When you mentioned that little girl at the carnival, I thought of Etan Patz (the little boy who went missing long ago in NY on his way to school). That story touched my heart. Just this year his family finally had some resolution when the perpetrator confessed. The two parents had lived in the same NY house all these years, probably hoping that if there was any minute change the boy might make his way home. Well enough of this sad commentary, I am hopeful that your next door neighbors moving is a sign of better times ahead. All your readers are fond of Judy and the way she stepped in to help you, Brenda. It is a horrible feeling to be in pain and unable to do the things that you love to do most. Really, you are unable just to take care of life’s necessities, like grocery shopping. It makes one feel so vulnerable. We all hope that you can get back to your garden when spring rolls around. I loved your photo of the bird’s profile while perched on the tree branch! It is just after midnight here, so I can sincerely say, “Here’s to a happy new year!” I look forward to your blogs. Fondly, Pam
Oh Brenda. My heart weeps for you and all that you’ve been through but you seem to be one tough lady….I suspect you’ve had to be and also that people saying that you’re tough makes you fell….if they only knew and could look beneath the surface. It is so hard when you have to depend on others and even harder when your family (who you thought would step up to the wicket….don’t). I broke both my ankles and damaged my back nearly 5 years ago and have had op after op as they didn’t do the job properly. I’m not going on about it because I hate it when people tell me their ankle stories and I’m thinking….but I want you to listen to my pain. What I’m saying is that I do understand a bit. I know how you try to think others have got it worse etc…etc…I tell you….it DOESN’T work! It’s happening to you…and that’s what’s important! I’m so glad that you have found a good friend and am so pleased that you had the guts to get out. Now be kind to yourself and allow yourself a little spoiling!
I wish Good Health and Happiness for you in 2013
Joan
I’m sorry you’ve had to have so much pain and they still didn’t get it right. I have heard quite a few stories like that. I want you to be good to YOU, and I will be kind to myself. We’ll do it together, okay?
Brenda
Hi Brend
I am praying that you have a much more positive 2013.
Suzan
Ladybug Cottage
Thank you. I hope we both have a positive 2013.
Brenda
As always, your words make me think……you are an inspiration to us all – hope you know that. You’ve gone through hard times, but keep your head up, and you still keep going….God Bless you, and your wonderful true friend Judy !!
Oh, what would I do without Judy! My dogs absolutely adore her, and her them. She was just here. You, my readers, are my inspiration.
Brenda
Brenda, your beautiful and inspiring writing is what keeps us visiting your blog. I am sure it’s the first one most people visit in the morning. Wishing you a wonderful happy year in the upcoming…you deserve it.
Jen
And I look forward to your wonderful photographs in 2013, you very talented photographer!
Brenda
It seems like ages since I have stopped by to visit you. I think you are like a mirror and what we see is our own reflection. Many of the things you write about we can truly commiserate with. You are never alone, we hear what you say, we understand where you are coming from and how uncertain the future is. For 2 years now we have been dealing with my husband’s illness. He has been hospitalized at least 5 times in the last several months. He just spent 8 days in Toledo and got out Christmas Eve only to have a full-blown cough by the next day. There was no Christmas tree or trimmings. Our daughters came with the 10 month old grandson and we did exchange a few gifts. I had no elaborate meal, just something hastily thrown together at the last minute. Our son-in-law decided the month after the baby was born that he was no longer “happy”. As if we do not have enough to deal with their marriage is on the rocks, they separated. His mother bought him a pistol 2 Christmases ago…..so another worry. He left a wife, darling son, the house with in ground pool, the yard work, 2 dogs and all the worries and concerns of managing it all. She is a social worker and works full-time. On December 10th some young kid was not watching where he was going while leaving the gas station and ran right smack dab into my car. Later he claimed it was my fault because “I should have seen him coming at me and I should have tried to avoid him hitting me”. He actually claimed to be at fault at the time of the accident because he was not looking where he was going, which is true, I saw him looking over towards the highway and as I hit my horn he hit me. He even wanted to get the police report so he could change his story. His insurance agent finally called me last week, telling me that I would hear from the adjuster in 24-72 hours to assess the damages for repair. So far I have heard nothing. I have never in 43 years of driving been in an accident. If I have learned anything in my 61 years it is that bad things do happen to good people. We don’t have to be out there looking for trouble, it finds us. But I also believe and know that good things do come from those bad times when we think that all hope is gone and we are a pitiful mess. You found your angel Judy, she was a God-sent soul who you needed in one of your darkest times. And we have our sweet grandson from a marriage that should never have happened in the first place. There are silver linings and blessings even in times of adversity. I hope this new year brings us many more blessings. I consider you a blessing in my life. Thank you friend for just being here.
(((HUGS))) Susanne ♥
Oh, I appreciate you too, Susanne! You are facing a lot right now. The son-in-law? Maybe it’s best that he just go on now and not hurt that little boy farther down the line. Men are such cowards sometimes. I’m sorry about your husband’s illness. About the senseless boy that hit your car and then blamed you. Sometimes we just want to throw up our hands and fall to the floor in tears. And then maybe we’ll actually feel a bit better. Keep on keeping on. Hugs to you!
Brenda
I can hear the anguish in your voice over the events of 2012. Sadly enough, family can-and often does-let us down, often when we need them most. We also made a life-changing decision this year and are now dealing with the reality of it not working out. Even though I sometimes feel uncomfortable with the reality of your posts, I always appreciate your honesty. And your inspiration. 2013 will be a better year for both you and my family!
Making those big decisions and having them flop is really, really hard. And it’s so difficult to figure out what to do next. I’m with ya on that one. If not for Judy, I would probably try to move at this point, but the money just isn’t there. Maybe there is more meant for me here, so I shall plod along. I hope things work out for you.
Brenda
You’ve made me smile and you’ve made me cry. Thank you for all you share. May 2013 be the best year yet Brenda.
hugs,
tracy
I’m so glad I can make you smile! I always told my daughters the greatest gift I was able to give them was the gift of laughter.
Brenda
Oh Brenda! The emotions in your post just tugs at me and draws me in! I agree with the other person’s comment that reading your posts is like looking in a mirror. We may not all have the same issues, but we can certainly relate to at least some of them and feel for you on all of them.
I too just moved back home to be close to family while my husband is stationed overseas. It is a blessing to be here to spend time with my Dad as his health is failing, but it is also so sad to wish things were different in regards to siblings, friends, etc. One of your readers mentioned starting a gratitude journal this year and that spoke to me. I thought this is what I should be doing , so I just opened the cover of a little Mary Engelbrite journal that is a cheery red floral with a comfy chair and a sweet pot of tea….wish I could escape into the cover about now.
I am grateful though for the gift of a sweet brother who showed up unannounced yesterday to shovel the driveway from our first snow. The plumber who came out on a Sunday and brought along a bowl of homemade lobster bisque soup for me. All small blessings that remind me how very fortunate I am at this moment. Those are the feelings I will try to recall when life gets overwhelming at other times.
Yours is still the first blog I open ever since discovering it two years ago, while in OK of all places, while with my husband on a temporary assignment. It truly is a small world!
I wish you joy, peace and contentment in whatever roads you travel in 2013. I know having you in my life will be something I’ll be adding to my gratitude journal.
Brenda,
I love your blog and look forward to “seeing” what you have to say. You are so real and honest it’s very refreshing; we all have the same feelings inside us-you have a talent for putting those feelings into words. I’ve been inspired by your tenacity and spirit!! And your photo’s are great fun.
I am sure I speak for all your readers, Brenda, when I say we are thankful for the beauty you share with us so freely. May 2013 be kind and prosperous, bring you joy, health, affection and all good things. Blessings to you!
Happy New Year! I hope many good things are in store for you this year. You deserve it for sure!!
Happy New Year Brenda…wishing you peace and good health in 2013. I think your word for 2013 should be resilient. The fact that you have blogged almost every day for 5 years is admirable and you should be so proud of that. I do feel like I know you. Don’t look back…only ahead.
Just found your blog recently Brenda, and already enjoying getting to know you. I understand about the life challenges, they are certainly no fun. I really like the thought earlier of the word for 2013 to be ‘enjoy’. I think I might use that for myself. It’s so hard not to get caught up in our trials and forget those everyday moments that are really special; a cup of coffee with a friend, a walk in the cemetery (I like those too), or hearing the giggles of a grandbaby. After reading quite a few of the comments left by fellow readers of your blog, I am once again humbled by the hurting in humanity. Blessings to you in this new year and blessings to your friend Judy. And may we all find a Judy or be one in 2013!
Many of us have the same feelings as you. This journey through life is continually changing and rarely goes as planned. We too moved to a place we thought would be for about 5 yrs., the economy hit, the reason we even bought this place ended. For a couple of years I thought about the should of, would of, could of with regret. When I decided to change how I looked at it happiness grew. You’re right home is where we make it. I’m a firm believer that people come into our lives for a reason. As far as family goes I don’t know anyone that doesn’t have things they wish were different. As I grew older I realized I guess I’m not so special haha. Everyone has stuff. Lets pray 2013 is a fine year. With all the difficulties you’re plugging along facing each challenge. Pat yourself on the back for that!
Been out of town for a few days and now catching up. Have missed your blog and the comments. Life is not FATHER KNOWS BEST for most of us. As a minister I have seen a lot of family who have shocked me and disappointed me in how they care for one another. I have also seen a lot of people with regrets. It must have been scary to have moved there thinking one thing and finding the rug pulled out from under you. Thank God for Judy. I know quite a few Judy’s and they rewrite the description of what it is to be family. Thanks for keeping on, getting up every day and sharing with us whatever is on your mind and heart- we are all the better for it. So Happy New Year to you all out there in the COZY LITTLE HOUSE!!!!
Brenda, I think most of us really only find out what we are made of when we are have some adversity in our lives. This past year has given you many challenges, and I heard the anxiety and desperation in your writings. I am happy that you are able to see the growth you have made in 2012, and I think you are sounding much more hopeful. I wish you all good things in this new year, and am so pleased that you have made such a good friend in Judy. We could all benefit from the love and care of someone like Judy. Peace.
Brenda, what a touching story. I did not realize alot of this. You have had an uphill battle. But sweetie, that’s just it; you are going uphill. The sun is shining and a new dawn awaits. I pray that your ankles will be fully recovered. God bless your friend, Judy. I have loved the visits to your blog and feel so blessed to know this touching story. I too love graveyards. Our family home was close to one. Every Memorial Day my sisters and I would pick flowers from our mothers lovely garden and put them on the graves that had none. Something so serene and peaceful about an old cemetery. Happy that I have visited you and looking forward to getting to know you better in the New Year. One never knows what life is going to deal you. I feel so fortunate that I have a sweet and generous husband of 40 years. Wishing you a blessed and happy ’2013′
Hugs,
Jann
Hello Brenda! Here’s to 2013! No matter what struggles you face, you always manage to come out of each one with a positive outlook and so much gratitude for getting to the other side. Life is full of many challenges and you face each one with grace. Sometimes life hands us a whole bunch of challenges all at once and it seems like it will never end. I do agree the idea of home is in our hearts and we can create a home with a roof over our heads just about anywhere. I’m hoping that 2013 will be a kind year to all of us. Judy sounds like a true friend and I’m glad you found each other. Keep blogging and sharing because your stories and creativity are inspirational and you create a cozy friendly atmosphere in blogland! So glad that I discovered a kindred spirit who also just happens to love the color red!