While the snow is gently falling outside, I am glad I took the time about ten days ago to create this indoor fairy garden. I was missing the green of nature so much that I just needed to dig my hands in some dirt.
So here it sits in the dining room, while we sit, me and the pupsters, watching the white flakes fall ever so gently.
It does cheer me up a bit with it’s little fairy and turtle and small plates and such.
Tuesday, on my birthday no less, I sat the afternoon in H&R Block doing my taxes. How those folks add up all those confusing numbers and know where to put them in their appropriate little white boxes I do not know.
And it didn’t help a bit that the sweet elderly woman I had to pay $550 to to add those strange figures up kept muttering: “Oh, this isn’t good. This is going to be bad. Bad.” Occasionally in that 90 minutes she would look up at me, and with her yellow marker she would draw a circle. She’d push the marker down on it for emphasis.
“This,” she would announce. “Is the happy face.” She’d shake her head. “And this,” she’d say again. “Is the unhappy face. She drew the faces, and one of course had a smile like sunshine. And the other was upturned in obvious grief. She drew arrows to the figures on her sheet that made up my income for 2012.
I kept asking: “How bad???”
“I don’t know yet. Bad,” she’d say.
Finally I couldn’t take it anymore. Judy was home with strep, poor thing, and thus I was alone. I drove through Wendy’s and ate a burger on the way to do my taxes. No birthday fanfare. Cold gloomy weather.
And I just could not take one more…BAD.
I will admit, though sheepishly, that I sat in the chair across from her in her cubicle (thank goodness at the very back) and I silently began to cry.
I think I was crying about a lot of things. But BAD just brought it all to the surface.
She managed to miraculously come up with all these deductions so that at least I could swallow. And walk out without tears running down my face. How can you make so little and have to pay so much?
I am in a whole new world now. One in which figures in little white boxes bring me to tears in front of a perfect stranger. One in which I have no idea what all I was supposed to keep tabs on and receipts for. Fifty-six years old now, and I’m about to barf up the Wendy’s burger right across the little yellow faces on her pad of paper.
As I drove to the grocery store to pick up a few things before the bad weather swooped into Tulsa, my mind running a mile a minute, I was thinking about such things as: “Will I be able to buy Abi’s Prozac? Hell, will I be able to buy the little pills that help turn my upside down comma into an upturned ray of sun?”
I stood in the coffee aisle and hesitated before I bought my little box of K-cups for my beloved Keurig coffee maker. I’d pick one up. Put it back. Finally I tossed it in the basket.
After all, it was my birthday. And I’ve spent the last year and a half trying to figure out how to turn down-turned commas into sweet little smiles while my world seemed to unravel.
Come hell or high water, by the skin of my teeth, I have somehow managed to make lemonade out of lemons. And I’ll survive this too.
I wonder if I’m the only client who has sat across from her in tears? Perhaps that is why she began, in her 34 years with H&R Block, she’d proudly told me early on, to look down discreetly at a pad of paper and draw faces while the person across from her tries to pull her 56 years of life together.
Then yesterday morning my eldest daughter unexpectedly called me. She’s emailed a couple of times, but I’ve just been, well, too reticent to go there. Anger and pride and hurt mixed up together I suppose.
After my initial surprise at hearing her voice after all these months of silence, something inside of me seemed to let go. Like a tight fist was in my chest all this time, and I was totally unaware of it. And then the fist relaxes and unfolds.
A weight falls off your shoulders you didn’t even know was perched there. There is suddenly a ray of light at the end of the dark tunnel.
And it was at that precise moment that I thought maybe, just maybe, things were going to be all right after all.
Friend – things are going to be all right!! And, rest up, because when I get well, we are going to really celebrate your birthday!
Love, Judy
Aw I feel so bad! I definitely get the “bad” feeling you were experiencing, as things are always VERY tight around here. But on your birthday?? Unfair. If I lived closer, I would have joined you at WEndy’s. then we would have gone shopping for a small treasure somewhere, then we would have visited a favorite bakery for a birthday cupcake, a cup of coffee (or tea), and a chat. Feel cheerier my friend…
I think you got the nicest birthday gift of all. An outreached hand from your girl. It will be okay. Hang in there.
xo Kris
Brenda I keep getting calls that add burdens to me so I am so happy this call on your Birthday was a good one! Hang in there, it will get better! Hugs, Linda
Dear Brenda,
Faerie gardens, plants, happy and adorable pups AND a phone call from your daughter. They sound like real steps towards that sometimes elusive feeling called “happy”! That makes me happy.
Welcome to my world. I wrote you about this, but in my life as a freelancer, both in my career and with ad income and etsy and blog expenses, I am very, very well acquainted with the havoc those things can wreak on taxes. I’m used to it now, but it’s a pain in the tush.
I know it sounds trite, but this too shall pass. And you’ll learn something from it and next time, you’ll save EVERY receipt that seems even remotely important. Better to save too many than not enough!
xo
Claudia
Oh Brenda I’m sorry I didn’t realize it was your birthday! I am sorry I missed it. Please do me a favor next year and go to a tax service for your income tax – H&R block students are taught to use every form they can to make your payment for prep higher…I know my friend is one.
I use a bookkeeping service and mine with three different returns was only $120.
Sending you big love and hugs… Margy in KY
Oh Brenda. First Happy belated Birthday. I have been so busy with the Fundraiser for the Dog Rescue I have not been keeping up with all of the posts. I feel like we have all been through so much with you the past few years and I always make a little wish for you that one day something big will happen and you get the break you well deserve.
I am glad that it is not so bad, in Canada we get a lot of tax breaks especially over 50.
So glad you had a ray of sunshine with your daughter.
Chin up dear friend, you really have come a long way the past couple of years it will only get better. Onward & Upward!
Happy Belated but very warmly meant Happy Birthday Brenda. Your photos are so crisp and meaningful. I like Claudia’s suggestion. Sending you very positive thoughts.
Joy
I don’t think it was very professional of the tax preparer to say it was “bad” until the entire return was finished. It sounds like she was being emotionally manipulative.
We go to an accountant for our tax prep – with Charles’ iconography business, it is just too complicated to do it ourselves.
I feel your pain. We had to pay $6000 the first year I retired. We couldn’t figure it out.
Take a deep breath. You can always do a payment plan with the IRS if you need to.
Love to you on your birthday (belated).
I didn’t get to actually ‘celebrate’ on my birthday so I think we both deserve a special day coming up soon! I hope you’ll find a good day to really take time for yourself and have fun! You are so special to all of us. And we want you to be happy! Sweet hugs my friend!
It is so wonderful that she called for your birthday!
I like H&R block, we always get the same person and after a while they remember you. When we moved to the U.S with my husbands company we got the move paid, money for certain costs of purchasing a new home and 2 months of expenses etc. We did our tax and got a big sum back. Not so the second year. We went all excited thinking, what we will do with the extra cash, at the end we sat staring at the computer screen, we owed them, quiet ride home in the car. Somehow the amount of family members we claim had changed, we keep an eye on that now. It’s hard but boy it does make you keep an eye on things and keep receipts for everything. Now we feel confident again at tax time, that we do not owe. I don’t normally celebrate my b-day on that day….I pick a day I have marked something on the calander I want to go see or do. Or a day when I know there’s some extra pennies in the jar. Happy belated birthday, here’s dreaming of springtime.
What was it about Tuesday? As I picked up my car from the shop, I reflected that it had been one of those days when the “Oh, no!” and the “Oh, good!” times had mixed together rather playfully. Little did I know that there was more to come!
Happy Birthday, Brenda. It is hard when things pop up like this unexpectedly, isn’t it? Sometimes we wonder just how much we can bear. You can get through anything, Brenda, because you have shown us ALL how strong you are in the past weeks and days and months. Blessings to you- xo Diana
Taxes can be so stressful…I dread them every year…and on your birthday, too. I’m sorry you had such a rough time, Brenda…but you are right…this too shall pass. And I hope it passes quickly! I love your little fairy garden…I never thought of doing one indoors! XOXO
Happy Belated Birthday, Brenda
Happy birthday Brenda. So glAd your Daughter called. So sorry about taxes. Xo
My husband’s birthday was that same day. He was laid off a few months ago, and is still looking for a full-time job, so this has been a stressful winter for us. It can be very difficult going through such things in your 50s, particularly if you’ve gone through such things at an earlier age, and think you won’t have to struggle like that again. But, we’ve learned we’ve got some reserves of courage and patience we didn’t realize we had. I can tell that you have such reserves too. You’re very strong, even if it doesn’t seem like it at times. And you still create much beauty even in the toughest of times. Here’s wishing you a belated happy birthday and a wonderful year to come.
First – Happy Birthday! Hopefully your daughter calling is a step towards healing.
If she has been with the company/doing taxes for people that many years, she should have learned to be a bit more tactful/professional.IMHO
Happy Birthday to YOU!!!! You are one strong cookie…this too shall pass! Blessing that you get to come home to that sweet pup…such a cutie!
Spring is coming…..
Blessings,
Cindy
Well, Happy Belated Birthday! Sorry the tax prep was stressful. It’s no fun to have unexpected things pop up. Your little fairy garden is very cute though. I can’t wait for spring to spring up.
Brenda, not only have I done that very thing several times in the last few weeks, But I find my self tearing-up at your pain. much Love and support my friend.
I agree, that lady does not have a very professional demeanor. I can’t believe she said that. And the cost seems awful to me. Your taxes can’t be that difficult. And yes, Claudia is right, you have to keep receipts, even if you doubt whether or not, just keep them! Being an independent contractor for years and even after having a full time reporting position I still had so many expenses, just keep it all! I am so glad you heard from your daughter, that is wonderful. I could hear your heart getting lighter when you spoke about her. You have so much strength, you don’t even realize how powerful you are. Your foot is going to get better and this will be a great year for you. Your present is in “production an design” right now! LOL.
I had the sad why me day yesterday… O have a lot of my own personal issues like we all do…maybe we all need to work together some how to help our selves….if I figure out how I will let you know…lol….Meanwhile I will keep praying for us..
Oh, I’m thanking God and so happy for you. I was praying for that moment for you! Life is hard but those moments of love are what we live for. I pray your needs continue to be met and you heal in your body and soul. Look forward to warmer weather and company with Judy again soon. Sending love and prayers your way…
A late but heartfelt happy birthday Brenda! Taxes…yuk…we owed some too…Glad that you heard from your daughter…I pray that healing will take place…You bring so much joy and such creative ideas to all of us who “visit” you each day. God bless and keep you. Carolyn Gilbert
Happy belated birthday, Brenda. Sorry you spent it at H&R Block.
A phone call from your daughter … I’m glad you were able to accept the call and feel better afterwards. I know how hard it is when there are hurts between family members. It runs so deep, because our love runs so deep for them.
Take good care of yourself and go enjoy that cup of coffee.
Brenda, happy belated birthday! I too wished I lived near you, you wouldn’t had to be alone. Love your fairy garden also…I too have been needing to garden, so I made some terrariums. But I was so glad to read your daughter called. Better days are ahead for you sweetie
God BLESS
Hi Brenda! I love your Fairy Garden..I always love looking at all my houseplants..especially the blooming African Violets I have..I have around 15 of them that bloom continuously…I have a lot of spider plants too because they are suppose to help the air in your home…are winter storm is bearing down on us right now…I made enchiladas for supper so we are warm and full now..lol…Your gift from me should arrive tomorrow…I will keep my fingers crossed it gets there!! I am so happy you and your daughter are talking again also…nothing better than a daughters love and vice versa!! Take care Brenda! Love ya! Carol
oh Brenda………I am blinking back tears. You can put your heart into words better than anyone.
What a lovely birthday present ~ a call from your daughter, that lifted all of that weight off your heart. I am not looking forward to doing my taxes at all ~ I think I am going to have to pay. Well, there is nothing for sure in this life but death and taxes. That’s why your birthday call from your daughter is so special ~
Happy Belated Birthday Brenda (((Hugs)))
Whoa, Brenda. That amount you paid to H&R Block is ridiculous. We’ve used an accountant/bookkeeper for years and he charged $300 to do four returns – us and our three daughters. We are both retired and always get money back. I am so happy that your daughter called. Happy birthday!
three things- Happy Belated Birthday , never figure out your taxes on your birthday or the week before or after you celebrate another glorious year in this life, next year step up the b-day dinner. Hugs!!
I think people like that are used to seeing tears. Tuesday I was sobbing to my PT about how I just had to get my back healed and I couldn’t keep having setbacks and I was tired of the pain and I was afraid to do anything for fear of another setback, etc. I apologized through my tears for crying during physical therapy and she was very sweet and said that it was o.k., that people have cried before, etc. Sometimes tears are just a good release, and then the next day brings more strength and hope (although in my case it took a few days, lol!)
Happy Birthday and so glad you heard from your daughter!
Oh Brenda I’m so sorry things at the tax office didnt work out. And your birthday wasn’t a good one. Hugs across the miles.
Still need your mailing adderess that I want to get in the mail to you. Viola
happy belated birthday! I pray you and your girl reconnect…one child, one mother, love transends disagreements and pain. You have a way with words that make me hummmmmm with understanding. today is the one year anniversary of my nephew’s ( age 16) suicide, I am struggling with WHY. We need to support and love each other without reservation.
Happy Birthday, Brenda! I thought of you today when I saw a small, RED Magic Chef microwave at Home Depot. Price here in San Diego: 58 buckaroonies. Cutest microwave ever. Couldn’t remember if you had one but had to share… I don’t believe in coincidences–a certain Someone knows your heart’s desires–hence the phone call. What an outstanding friend you have in Judy! She is truly a gift and a blessing
First of all, Happy belated birthday. Second, please do yourself a favor and shop around for a new tax preparer. In my 56 years, my husband and I have never paid $550 to have our taxes prepared. Take care, dear.
Hi Brenda,
you deserve pure happiness and peace! A long time ago my accountant told me while I sat sobbing “Well theres good news there is no longer a debtors jail and they cant eat you!” I cant tell you the number of times through this economy I repeated those words. Hang in there honey it will all get better. Hugs and Prayers!
Just wanted to send a note of encouragement! Having experienced your kindness first hand (still working on that etsy shop
Belated Happy Birthday and an e-hug from afar. Sometime, (not the night before taxes are due) check out Turbo Tax – it really is amazingly easy to use. I used it for the first time 2 years ago after years of paying over $500/yr to accountants … money that would have been better off invested. It’s a very intuitive program – by the look of your blog you would be well able to handle a little tax software.
Hi Brenda.
I’m sorry you had the bad experience with the tax preparer. She sounds very unprofessional. I wanted to tell about a commercial I saw recently about reusable k-cups. They’re little empty cups that you fill with coffee. Not as convenient, but much more cost effective. For the life of me I can’t remember what the name of the company is called, but I’m sure you can do a google search. Have a happy, healthy year!
Happy Belated Birthday, Brenda! Sending lots of good wishes for the year ahead…a very good year! So happy that you are reconnected with your daughter. Nothing worse then bad feelings between family, especially your kids, no matter how old they are.
Happy Belated Birthday. Inside gardens are always a good thing. Think SPRING!
I’m so glad to hear that you’ve been able to reconnect with your daughter! That is food for the soul, isn’t it? I hope that your conversation went well and that things are now going in a better direction for you. The amount you had to pay to have your taxes done sure does sound steep! You ought to try to do it on your own next year by purchasing Turbo Tax for your computer. It’s a computer software package that you just fill out everything and then it submits online to the IRS. It’s around $100 for the home/business edition. You seem to be computer savvy. I bet you could do this yourself. My husband has his own business on the side and claims a lot with our house and the kids. He also has a full time job at the fire dept. So, our taxes are complicated. My husband is not a professional accountant or anything. I bet you could do it too! He just did ours the other day and we’re getting a nice chunk of change back! Yay! We used to take our taxes to a CPA and spent hundreds of dollars like you too. The nice thing is you can do your taxes on your own time too. You can do part of it and then walk away from and come back to it later. Unlike a CPA and they ask for a million things and you have to have an appt. Just a suggestion.
Happy Belated Birthday! I love your blog and look forward to it every day. You are a blessing!!! Love your pups and love the color you share all the time. Love red! Please do look for another tax preparer. We own our own business and though we sometimes pay in an astronomical amount, we have never paid over $200 to the lady who prepares our taxes. Shame in the lady who did yours and the company she works for. Geesh, you are not in elementary school with sad and smiling faces. How terribly unprofessional. Hope today brings sunshine to your soul. Keep writing. Hugs
Oops! One more thing, I forgot to say…………Happy (belated) Birthday!!! Hope you have a good weekend too.
Sending birthday wishes to you Brenda! I’m so glad your daughter called you!
Xo,
Charlotte T
Happy Belated Birthday! I like to just pass right over mine since the last few years have been not so fun. I am dreading my taxes this year myself. I am also ready for spring, and here in East Texas it seems to be peeking around the corner! Yesterday started out with yucky rain but sunshine came out and it was beautiful, just the cheering I really needed. I was even able to go out and prune a few things in prep for spring planting and revamping. My father use to drive me crazy with the ‘This too shall pass’ scripture, but I find that when bad things come, I just keep repeating it to myself. It doesn’t make it pass faster, but somehow it helps. Perhaps it’s just the fact that it brings thought of my father to me and that is a comfort, either way, I will take it. Prayers of comfort and peace for you my new friend, and I pray blessings of ‘good things happening’ on you!
Happy Birthday Brenda…I do so wish it could have been a much better day. But you still need to celebrate it at another time.
That woman was extremely unprofessional, in fact it was rather unbelievable that she acted that way at all…Not on, just not on.
I am hoping that things will turn around for you, and that the small ray of sunshine becomes a sunny sky.
Hugs to you.
Jen
Brenda,
I have been reading your blog almost from the day you started and I just have to comment on this one. My situation and the situation of so many older women is so much worse than yours. I wonder if you’ve tried being grateful for the many joys you do have in your life. I am 64 years old and have been divorced for 7 years. My ex-husband was ordered by the court to pay maintenance, but after 3 years, he remarried, put everything in his new wife’s name and now shows that he doesn’t have any income at all. I have had congestive heart failure and a faulty valve since 1997. Last year, I had to undergo open heart surgery to replace my valve and was off work for 3 months. I am now completely dependent on a pacemaker to keep me alive. I work 40 hours a week, no matter how bad I feel, because I have to.
You are almost 10 years younger than I am and you don’t have to get up every morning and go to work. I read about you being snuggled up with your beloved puppies and wonder if you realize how fortunate you are. I would love to have a dog again, but since I can barely afford to feed myself and keep up with all my medical bills, I know I can’t afford a little friend to keep me company.
You have a Keurig? I can no longer afford coffee. Fortunately, they have coffee at work so I enjoy a cup every morning during the week, but do without on Saturday on Sunday.
I’m not scolding you, if that’s what you’re thinking. I’m just trying to point out that, compared to a lot of women, you have a very comfortable life. The truth of the matter is, compared to a lot of women, I have a very comfortable life. Many many women live in terrible poverty, do without much needed medication, decent food, etc.
I hope you can somehow connect with a church or a group that will help you to learn to be grateful for what you DO have. GRATITUDE is much better than lamenting.
Blessings on your day,
Carolyn
Happy belated birthday Brenda! I am sooo happy that your daughter reached out to you and you were able to reach back. Here’s hoping that this is the start of healing for both of you!
I agree with all the other comments about looking for a new tax preparer. We have been using the same CPA from MA in all our travels with the military and have only paid a 1/4 of the price you paid. The tax return each year involves multiple homes, states, school loans, etc. Please shop around for next year’s preparation.
I’m glad you put the K-cups in the basket. A nice cup of java has the potential to put things in perspective, sort of the same as letting go can.
Bliss
Happy belated birthday. I think that your birthday present is the call from your daughter.
My husband and I have our own business that we run out of our apartment. We use TaxAct Online because it’s free and it’s so user-friendly. It is especially careful in checking for everything the IRS looks for so you can be confident that your return is accurate and correct. Even if you have sent in your return already you can run TaxAct for free, see how it compares with H & R Block, and if it’s better, then send in an amended return. It won’t cost you anything to find out. We have learned to keep track of every receipt right down to the penny i.e., postage, office supplies, mileage, shipping, etc. Give it a try. It couldn’t hurt worse that the H & R lady and her majic marker bad faces.
Very beautifull written Brenda. I’m sure being that open and honest is hard but is sure to help others also. So glad you see a light at the end of the tunnel. Have a blessed day.
Happy belated birthday Brenda. In our household we celebrate birthdays one week before and one week after…..we love birthdays! What a wonderful gift you received on your day , the phone call from your daughter. Loving your fairy garden I am feeling inspired to make one myself. Lovely post my friend. Diane
I had a very unhappy birthday this year as well… So I understand how you might feel as your day was far from prefect, but it had a silver lining! So here’s to many happy unbirthdays!
I’m just now seeing this post, so I wanted to wish you a happy belated birthday – though I’m sorry to hear you didn’t have a very happy day. I can’t believe that tax lady was saying things like, “Oh, this is bad” throughout looking at your paperwork and doing your taxes. Unprofessional and not considerate at all. And they charged you $550 just for doing your taxes? Highway robbery! Unless yours were very complicated or something, that’s crazy.
Oh Brenda, how is it someone can be loved as much as you are and be alone on their birthday!? I wish I had been there…I would have taken you to whatever is your fav place to eat and shop for something special for you AND your fur babies.
. Life brings with it lessons we must learn. Sometimes they’re obvious (like saving receipts), and sometimes they are a bit elusive (like knowing when to walk away or ask for help).
Indeed, this too shall pass. Have faith in that, and have faith that your special talents will one day lead you to the life you so well deserve.
Happy belated birthday, Brenda. I remember the first year I really made money selling real estate. The taxes I owed were huge. I cried, too.
Hugs,
Laura
Just catching up with blogs and saw that you had a birthday this week. Even if the day itself meant a trip to the tax preparer, just remember to celebrate the rest of the month any way you can. I remember a year after we incorporated that we were hit with unexpected taxes and made a trip to the IRS office. I’m still thankful to this day for the nice practical woman who said, “Don’t cry, all you need is a plan.” And she proceeded to help us work out a plan and it didn’t look so bad to us after we left her. A world of difference from that of the lady who did your taxes, isn’t it? I loved reading that there is the beginning of a fresh start with your daughter!
If you would make me a fairy garden I will pay you and drive over and get it. Im not far from you now and maybe you Judy and I could have lunch on me!
That was from me Kendra in Arkansas
Oh Brenda! The world sure does love to use us for a trampoline. Up and down. So happy that you have been blessed with a call from your daughter. We need money to exist, no question; but we need our families to live. Wish I could help with the money troubles, but I send you my love and prayers. God bless and keep you.
Your words are very powerful Brenda, I’m probably a thousand miles away from you, but I felt tears welling up as I read this. No one should have to go through all that you have had to….but adversity does seem to make us all stronger. Gad you talked to your daughter…and Happy Birthday!! )
I have been in and out of blogging lately, so I missed this post till this morning. First, happy birthday, late but still from my heart to yours.
Please do not EVER go back to that tax lady again. Her behavior was totally and completely unprofessional. The really sad thing is that she knew she was causing you pain and anxiety and still made comments before she had even finished your taxes. Steve and I have had tax anguish, but never ever had to pay that much to have our taxes done for us. We now use turbo tax. It will walk you thru your taxes and explain what you don’t understand. Maybe next year.
Sending big hugs your way. Marla
Oh Brenda!
You have really had rough go at it…but you have to think (even with the ankle) that you are in a much better place then you were when you were with the ex. You’ve made a beautiful home for yourself. You have people who love you from one end of the country to the other. You have two adorable fur babies you would be lost without you. Hang in there…I’m sure things will get better and better for you. Sometimes things just happen at a turtles pace…frustrating I know. Glad your daughter has reached out and hope that whatever is going on will get smoothed out and you can resume your relationship! Hugs to you for some brightness!