In The Wind

Last night I had a strange dream. I was younger. Just a teenager. I was walking. Headed down a winding dirt road.

I was deep in thought, about what I don't know. I was staring at my feet as I put one in front of the other. What I saw before me was just a span of red dirt road that marked my path ahead.

So intent was I, that I realized I didn't know how long I had been walking. I stopped and looked up. The scenery looked different. I turned around in a circle. Everything looked the same. Tall reeds of plumed grass blowing in the wind. 

I felt sudden panic. I had no idea where I was, or which way to go to get back to wherever it was I had come from.

As I turned round and round, seeing the same tall stands of wheat-colored grass all around me, I woke up.

Funny how you can be deep in thought one moment, completely relaxed. And then transported to a state of fear. With just a glance up at the scenery.

I have felt lost for some time, I suppose. Out of place. Out of my element, my comfort zone.

What drove me forward was feeling that I'd gone too far to turn back.

Do you ever go too far to turn back?

Or is any time the right time? The moment of truth. When you succumb to the fear and let it lead you to the unknown.

As many poets have said, much better than I could; if you don't walk into the shadows, you will never know where you can go. Or something to that effect. 

For the past couple of days, I've gotten back into my routine. I've made my bed. I have always been the type to rise and make my bed. 

Except for the past month or so. When I would jump up and get into morning mode before I'd really had a chance to shift from sleep to full wakefulness. When time swept by at an alarming rate.

By the way, I haven't had time to show you the bed I bought at a junk store a few blocks away. It was $35, and an ugly scarred brown. 

That was about a month ago, and I actually spray painted it without too much of a mess. Except now my city recycling bin is white on one side. I used a big canvas drop cloth. But still, I managed to get it in places that weren't suppose to be painted. 

I feel like I've been running along holding onto a string, with a bright red balloon tethered to the end, swaying in the breeze. I run and run, sometimes looking up at the red dot etched against the blue sky. 

And then I stumbled on a root in the ground, and accidentally let the string out of my grasp. And the balloon floated up.  

And away. 

At first I am sad to see it go. But the balloon is free now. Bobbing up and away to parts unknown. On a journey I won't be at the end of. 

And somehow that makes me smile. To see something so free that it floats on the wind. 

“When you walk to the edge of all the light you have and take that first

step into the darkness of the unknown, you must believe that one of 

 two things will happen. There will be something solid for you to stand 

upon or you will be taught to fly.” 


  1. Hi Brenda..I never fear anything knowing God is always beside me and I try to enjoy every day as he wants all his children to do..maybe the dream is trying to tell you something...maybe to keep plunging on no matter where your path takes you..I feel a change is coming for you in the near future Brenda..and not just your new blog...excited to see what unfolds with you! Carol

    1. I don't know, Carol. We'll see together.

  2. I love the new colors - blue and yellow - on the blog.

    I love the quilt on the bed.

    I love that you are back.

  3. Hi Brenda. Sometimes God speaks to us in our dreams - He does to me sometimes. Maybe He wants you to give your troubles to Him and let Him guide you. I'll bet some of your dream had to do with the ordeal of WordPress. You're strong and you're going to keep on keeping on! Stay strong and I'll keep you in my prayers.
    be a sweetie,
    Shelia :)

  4. You always write the most thought provoking posts. I truly understand the phrase of "The only thing to fear is fear itself." It can prohibit you from taking chances and taking you down a possibly greener path. I guess it's because there is no guarantee that the path is really greener and we don't want to be disappointed. Change is hard. I know I don't like it myself. I'm like you, though, and feel like it would be nice to just be a balloon free to fly and see where it takes you.

    1. If I come back in another life, I want to be a bird and fly against the sky.

  5. Brenda, your blog looks so bright and cheerful. Maybe the wheat grass was indicative of the change to yellow on the sidebars.

    I love what Sheila said. God does come to us in our dreams and perhaps he was giving you a message to not fear what you cannot see around you but to trust in Him to give you a path to walk on. I have been thinking about sharing a dream that I had last December. I think I will have to do that real soon.

    Much love to you...stay strong.


    1. Dreams are so strange sometimes. But I always think they have meaning.

  6. Hi Brenda!
    I am enjoying seeing lovely pictures of your home and countryside where you live. So glad you are back up and running.
    Your dream and thoughts on it are very interesting...
    I tend to become frozen still in my tracks...often wondering if I've gone too far. I also have issues with is a struggle. It takes full concentrated effort on my part...and TONS OF FAITH.
    I will say this-- in terms of Light and Dark... I'm fearful of what I'm capable of, as a human being, under cover of darkness; but I'm even more fearful, coming into the LIGHT. Because it is there, I know I will come face to face with my God! That makes me tremble.

    1. I either feel like I've gone too far, or I can't stop myself from saying what's on my mind.

  7. Brenda, I was SO sorry to hear about all your problems with Wordpress. Claudia just posted almost the exact opposite. What a shame that you ran into so many problems at every turn. I will add your new url link to my blog. I hope you are able to recover everything you've written in the past.
    All my best,

    1. I always bounce back. I'm at Cozy Little House again!

  8. It is scary to take that first step, to commit to the new, the unknown. Fear is one of the biggest things that keeps us from moving towards something that will bless us. Naturally, fear can also be a way of warning us that something we're planning might not be a good idea. We have to look for guidance from God, or at least I know I do, and then be brave enough to go with our gut feeling. When we do, those butterflies in our stomach go away. They float away in the wind just like your balloon!

    1. So many things in my life I wish I'd done. Water under the bridge.

  9. Hello, Brenda. The quotation by Patrick Overton caused me to think of these lines of poetry by Wendell Berry:

    "To go into the dark with a light is to know the light.
    To know the dark, go dark, go without sight
    and find that dark, too, blooms and sings
    and is traveled by dark feet and dark wings."

  10. Dear Brenda, you probably don't remember me. I'm Margarida, from Portugal, who wrote you an email last year and who was facing some problems with divorce. I've been always a silent visitor but today I coudn't resist to share my emotion with you due to this poem in the final of your post. Jesus, it made me cry. Words of wisdom and hope are always so conforting. Well, I just can say tha't I'm still trying to learn how to fly... Kisses and hugs and all the best for you.

  11. I felt the same way about that quote, Ana. I'm so glad you're learning to fly. So am I.


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