Letting Go...


This is the day everyone pauses to reflect on their year. And to try and figure out what they want to focus on in the coming year. 

I just got off the phone with my friend Liane in Tyler. I told her that my statement and resolution for the new year was going to be "letting go." She said I want you to get off this phone and go write that on your chalkboard. And so I did.


This very day in 2007, I started my first blog. Then there was another, a gardening blog, View From The Pines, and now there is this one. And I've added two more. I thought it rather fitting to start them about the same time of the first one six years ago.

I was in Tyler back then. I loved my neighbors, my pupsters, my gardens. But a big chunk was missing. A visible chunk. It was becoming clear to me that my marriage was falling apart. That there were lies and secrets I would need to finally deal with.

And so I sat down at my computer and and began to write that first blog. It was the beginning of something wonderful in my life. Opportunities and friends I would never have met otherwise. And I am so grateful that I had the presence of mind to sit down and write that first word. 


This is the year I'm going to focus more on writing. On this blog and other avenues. This is the year I am going to try to find a way to change my life in many ways. I am hoping an opportunity will present itself. But if not, it will just have to wait a little longer. 

This is the year that I am letting go.

Of relationships that are so strained that I can no longer put hope in them. As long as you have a flicker of a flame, you still hope. I have blown that candle out. I am letting go. 

Of the dreams I had when I moved here. Just over two years ago. Before things seemed to fall apart, and before I got hurt. You truly find out who loves you when you're hurt and can't do much for yourself. That's when it becomes readily apparent and you can no longer deny it. 


Sometimes hope and love is just an illusion. A fleeting shadow, that, when the sun moves a bit throughout the day, the shadow will move with it until it has disappeared. 

Letting go is kind of like saying goodbye. To fences you can't mend. To people you can't get through to. To love that smolders until it is ashes. 

I know this much. I am much stronger than I ever thought. Because the events of the last three years would, at one point in time, have done me in. 

I'm still standing. I'm still taking photos and writing. And I'm going to follow my heart wherever it takes me, as money allows. The pupsters and I. My little family. 


I'm letting go of what has become abundantly clear to me is already gone. So I'm giving up the ghost. I'm moving on. Hopefully literally, and certainly figuratively. 

Letting go. It's for the best. An emancipation of sorts.

I must already be making progress. Because I got all the way through writing this without a tear.


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36 comments

  1. Thankyou Brenda. This is the advice that I needed to hear. I have faced, and am still dealing with, similar struggles to you. Sometimes life really does suck, and it seems so hard to rise above all the pain. I am so sorry that you have had to make the decision to give up on certain relationships. But I am sure that there are adventures and lots of happiness ahead for you. You have lots of people barracking for you. Happy New Year, and new life!

    Kathy

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  2. Brenda I am so proud of you! This is a step in the right direction for you. I know you will be stronger and happier with the letting go and moving forward. I am thinking that 2014 will be a good year for many of us! Love the new blogs and look forward to more of your writing! Hugs, Linda

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  3. Brenda, you never cease to amaze me with your strength! And I love the thought of letting go, I certainly need to do that. It just makes so much sense reading what you're written! Here's to a great 2014 for all of us!

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  4. I am letting go as well. I will be totally alone but family never cared. I ccant find a new dr that gives pain pills, no word about medicaid, I lay here tonight listening to car doors..happy people off to ring in a new year. Big deal. My ear and throat hurts and I have mounds of covers on me. You are strong Brenda. I cant make a freakin dime. I just dont know but you give me hope that somewhere I might be able to someday start anew. You have a career. The only one I have is a career of being sick my whole life. Blessings to you Brenda in 2014. You will do it! Let go! You will always have your dreams waiting for you to grab them up. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

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  5. I'm following right along with you. Letting go of what I know is not good for me and moving forward with new possibilities. Thank you for such wonderful pictures and a fresh hope for a better year in 2014.

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  6. This is going to be YOUR year, my friend! Looking forward...not back! We'll make it the best ever! Happy New year...blessings for the coming year! Sweet hugs, your buddy, Diane

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  7. Brenda when I read this I see that you really are starting to heal. I'm glad you are not wasting any more tears for those who don't even care. You are terrifically talented and nothing, absolutely nothing can hold you back from fulfilling your dreams! I know great things are headed your way, you just have to take the steps forward to meet them and you ARE!

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  8. Hi Brenda - hang in there! One foot in front of the other - where there's the will, there IS a way!

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  9. You are a strong woman, Brenda! I like your mantra for 2014. And I have faith in you that bigger things are in store...you're a wonderful writer, you've had magazine photographers at your house...it all may lead you somewhere. You just never know.

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  10. Hugs to you, Brenda!

    2013 was a rough year for a lot of people that I know, myself included. I try not to put too much pressure on a new year, but isn't that its purpose? I don't know for sure, but I can certainly hope!!

    I can't wait to read what you have to say in 2014!

    xoxo, Kori

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  11. Dear Brenda Wishing you a wonderful 2014 with health, happiness and peace of mind. I hope lots of new opportunities present themselves for you to use all your amazing talents.
    Happy New Year!
    Helen xxoo

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  12. Brenda, This was all so beautifully written!You have an amazing talent. I pray that you find peace and joy in your life in the coming year. I am so thankful for my personal faith that gets me through the toughest days and renews my mind and spirit every day. I hope you find the same. Love, ~ Jamie

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  13. You are truly the most amazing lady, Brenda! Such an inspiration to us all. My deep admiration for you grows each and every day.

    A heartfelt wish for all good things in this new year and always...

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  14. Happy, productive new year Brenda. You've come a long way and now just take it a day at a time like you've done so far.. It doesn't hurt to look past the end of your nose either about possibilities in the future..
    You've gotten over a few "hiccups" that have slowed you down and made you very unhappy. That is all in the past. It's onward and upward now.
    Use your God given talent to make your life better.
    You can do it !
    The pictures of your plants and the arrangement with your desk and lovely picture over it is beautiful. Sooo relaxing..
    Will be thinking about you in the new year..
    Charlotte in Virginia

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  15. Good Morning, Brenda;
    You are so right and I am proud of you. You are going to be fine wherever you are. Before you can move on, you have to let go of the past. That means relationships of those that are not fulfilling to you or them. All of us walk the journey differently. May God keep you in the palm of His hand as you continue your journey. I am thankful I have met you through mine.
    Take care.
    Emiy

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  16. Happy New Year, friend! I pray that you have the best 2014!!

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  17. Happy New Year Brenda, Letting Go is the best way to set yourself free. You are on the path to new beginnings. I love your attitude and direction. So glad to have met you recently and looking forward to sharing in your posts in the new year.
    Wishing you all the best for 2014 and God Bless your path as you Let Go and move forward.
    Hugs!

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  18. I am sending Positive energy your way. I know you can make your dreams come true. We are all rooting for you...
    I bet there are lots of Texas bloggers who can help too.. Keep reaching out and many special angels here on earth will answer your call.

    Sonny

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  19. Letting go of things that are not fulfilling or satisfying helps make room for things that are. Good things are going to happen for you Brenda. I hope the 'right' people are reading and take note that herein lies one of the most talented writers anywhere.

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  20. You are such a inspiration to others. It is apparent by the comments. I believe we all must "let go" at some point in our lives. For me, I have had to do that many times, throughout my life, and one of the hardest times, finally came about in the last three months of 2013. Now in 2014, I am going to continue that journey by putting my faith in God and accepting the fact there are things that I can't change and to just let it be.

    Grace & Peace, to you, in this New Year.

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  21. Happy New Year! Thanks for your inspiration throughout the year. Your photos and words always spin a tale close to my heart!

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  22. Yeah Benda. I know that you can do this. Sometimes we hang on to things thinking they will change mostly because of being connected as a family That's the hardest to let go of. But you deserve happiness and a life of hope. Your writing and photography skills are going to sky rocket this year. You already have a huge fan club. So, Happy NEW Year. xo

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  23. It's terrible for me not to speak English better as I would like to tell you so many things.
    Simply, I hope the best for you ... for all of you readers of this beautiful blog (and for me as well !).
    Très belle et bonne année 2014.

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  24. Good luck Brenda!
    Some sage wrote - "Life is a process of letting go."
    That really summed it up for me. We let go of people, places, dreams, stuff, etc. And one day we will let go of Life itself.
    Take heart; the path may wind and detour but you are on your path.

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  25. This sounds like it will be a highlight year for you, Brenda! Things are certainly lining up to make that happen. I am glad you are "letting go". One thing I have found with doing just that is to combine it with forgiveness for the best results.. If and when we can finally forgive, it is the most memorable and powerful of moments. Once we forgive them, that person or those people no longer have any power whatsoever over us. When you forgive, you CAN forget, because they no longer deserve any time in our thoughts. I hope this makes sense. There are several things in my life, in my past, which I have tried to forget and let go of, but their presence remained in my thoughts. Once I came to terms with why it upset me so and had such a hold on me, I decided to forgive them, and it was as if they totally disappeared from my radar. I became the one "in charge". Once I did that, it took away all power they had in making me feel like THEY had somehow "won", and they became worthless in my life and I knew that they were, indeed, the losers. Forgiveness is a gift that to some appears we GIVE to others. I believe that forgiveness is the gift we give ourselves so we CAN truly let go. It is a "Hallelujah" moment!!

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  26. Sometimes letting go is excruciating and guilt-inducing, but sometimes it is necessary for us to survive. The difference is knowing what is worth fighting for and what is a waste of life's energy. The wisdom is in knowing the difference. So my New Year's wish for you is that wisdom, and then the strength to follow though.

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  27. Thank You Brenda.....you know how much I love and appreciate your writing....keep it up...continue to use your beautiful talent! My one word goal for the year....experiment.....
    Martha

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  28. I think you're on the right road Brenda! Good for you!! Letting go of the junk in our lives and hearts truly heals us and makes us stronger and more compassionate people! All my best wishes for a wonderful 2014!!!

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  29. Dear Brenda,

    You have a talent for putting into words, feelings and thoughts that so many of your readers have experienced in their own lives, and this ability, of course, makes us feel close to you. I sincerely hope that you find your happiness and peace in your newly found freedom. And when you do, we'll be here to listen to your lightness of being, look at your inspiring photos and learn from your own lessons.

    xo
    Poppy

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  30. You are so wonderful and I am so thankful I have your blog to keep me upbeat! Thank you Brenda I look forward to making changes also this year!

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  31. I am cheering for you, Brenda! YES! Follow your heart wherever it takes you! Maybe it will take you to a familiar place, or maybe someplace you never dreamed of. But I am betting your heart won't lead you down the wrong path.

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  32. One of my favorite quotes: We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”
    ― Joseph Campbell

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  33. Great post Brenda. Full of so much wisdom. Wisdom that you earned and learned the hard way, but you have made it your own. Letting go is one of the things I want to do this year, but more in the terms of purging "things". Finding I can really live without so many things I love and enjoy, but just don't need. How much does one person need anyways? I know I have too much when I can't store it all.
    Cindy

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  34. well, you got thru it without a tear, meanwhile.....I am crying my eyes out, only to identify with some of the things you wrote. I hope someday to be able to let you know that I am on the road to emancipation of sorts!!! keep up the good work!!! and thank you.

    Sincerely,

    Angela from NJ

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  35. Brenda,
    Thank you for this post. I remember several years ago when you wrote a post and I thought, "How did she know that I was going through this?" It seems that,at times, we do go through the same things together. I, too, need to let go of things that I can't fix, be it relationships with friends or family. I try and try, yet, it seems that it is never going to be fixed. Family is so hard to let go of. But there are times when your own sanity is more important. I think that is where I am at the present.
    I know I haven't written or commented on post of yours for some time; it doesn;t mean I don't read it. I just can't write sometimes.
    Have a wonderful year, Brenda. Pet the doggies for me.
    Debbie Price

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