Tomorrow I sign my lease and start taking things over there. The movers come on Tuesday.
When you pack up your belongings, it is a bittersweet task. The dogs are confused. I try to comfort them. But all they know is that when there were all these boxes around us last time, we made a long journey to a new place.
As I go out and dig up my plants, there are so many things that go through my mind.
Have you noticed that a year or so after you move from a place, that where cabinets or certain things were in your former home have become vague? I know I look back on the places I've resided and it is like walking around in the dark. I can kind of make out where shapes were, but they are barely discernible. In the shadows of my memory.
I guess this is our way of letting go of one place and embracing the next.
There is a certain sadness about leaving a place you have called home, regardless of how long a time you lived there. The house was a home. It provided shelter. Now I will just be one of the residents in an old house of never-ending renter/buyers.
I wonder if a person's spirit stays behind? If it drifts into the walls like osmosis. To think of all the people that have lived in a house built in 1934 is mind-boggling. It has passed hands many times.
To go to a new place carries with it a bit of anxiety. What will the sounds be? How much traffic will I hear? What will it be like to have people so close by?
In my head I go through the now empty rooms. I have seen this place only once. I wonder what it will look like with my things in it? If it will be easy to transfer my day to day life there? If putting my things on the wall will instantly make it home?
There are things I will miss about this house. The lovely fireplace and mantel for one. The narrow-planked wooden floors. The pretty molding. But there are things I won't miss too.
My phrase for 2014 was "letting go." I hope that moving away helps to untether what ties I have to this place. I hope it will be like letting a balloon loose in the wind. Watching it bob and float until it is out of sight.
I hope that letting go means finding peace. That unfulfilled dreams stay here in spirit as the last inhabitant of this little blue house.