Cold Gray Days & Yearning For Spring


I find myself wanting to do more. I've been inside for over two weeks now. The cold hurts my ear. 

I haven't been to PT. They are no longer in my insurance network. I only had one week left before my re-evaluation. But due to my ear, I couldn't finish up the last week before the first of the year. 

I haven't done much, so hard to say how I'm really doing.

I yearn to paint something. To make something. The day passes so quickly. The days and weeks and months and years; they all pass so quickly. 

This is a slow time for blog ads. So as a blogger you have to continually try to find new ways to make money. To keep your little ship afloat and the sails billowing in the breeze. Ebb and flow.



It is cold. COLD. I'm here in my warm flannel gown underneath the covers. I spend much of my day underneath the covers.  

I stare out the window here by the bed and watch the birds; listen to them chirp. The container gardens look brown and bleak. I hope the tulip bulbs make it. I want so much to walk outside come spring and one day see them edging up out of the soil. 

The ornamental grasses at least stick around, though they are withered and dormant.



My balance seems to be okay now. But moving about I hear water or something sloshing in both ears. I don't know what's wrong with the right ear. Each ear alternately stops up and I find myself turning my head to listen. 

Every time I move, I hear something in each ear. Like I'm underwater and sounds are different. Or like something is clicking. Just sounds. Weird.

Thank goodness for my precious pupsters. And the birds chirping so sweetly outside, oblivious to the cold that keeps me inside. Maybe they sing because that's all they know to do on days that are bitterly cold. When the sky is gray and the sun is hidden behind clouds.



Sometimes I imagine that birds are people from the past, long gone, sent back to check on me. To sing me through the dark gray days.  


Flying upward, where we are mere specks against the backdrop of the barren and flowerless landscape. Waiting for sun and warmth, and spring to bring us blooms.  

25 comments

  1. I feel just like you do, waiting for spring. Why is it that the days seem to go by so quickly, and yet spring still seems so far away. I am definitely not a cold weather person. I am going to PT now for my shoulder. It was so cold when I went this morning that all I wanted to do was get back under the covers. I am concerned about your ears. Maybe you need to see an ENT specialist. I have had ringing in mine now for 4 months. Nothing the doctor did has helped. I am thinking that I may see a specialist if they don't get better. Hope you feel better, my friend. xo Laura

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  2. Beautiful photos, Brenda. Stay warm!

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  3. Ice on the ground here this morning, no one's venturing out. I hope your ears will heal soon, that's got to be distracting and irritating. I had black string-like floaters in my right eye this week; it scared me when it didn't go away so I saw the eye doc. "Aging." As usual. :)
    Mary

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  4. Hello, brenda, I love the beautiful pictures, before all the little bird hire !!! a nice evening wishes angie

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  5. Stay warm. It is foggy, even up here on the mountain. Today is better, at least it is above us, but the valley is socked in again. Husband has had all his teeth pulled, the last ones yesterday, so these days of gray and cold have been hard on him. I hope someone can help with your ears. Did PT give you exercises for your foot to do at home? Husband is still doing the ones they gave him when he broke his hip last year. It has helped.

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  6. Brenda, I have been gone for so long that I didn't realize that you were having health issues. I feel for you. I have been housebound since Thanksgiving with just a couple of trips out- one for Christmas day and the others for dr appts. It is cold here, too....bone chilling. I, like you, am looking forward to Spring.

    Someone sent me a thing the other day that said to be visited by a cardinal was to be visited by an angel you knew. xo Diana

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  7. Hi Brenda, a bit of progress with stability is good. Take such care. Icy outside today, good day to be very careful. Your bright green spider plant was a hint of spring in your photos today. Hugs.
    Joy

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  8. I will be going to PT myself in two weeks. I told the receptionist I could be dead with pain by then. I guess the first appointment is the hardest to schedule. She said I have 3 appointments with Nicole, she is the "best". I told receptionist I didnt care if the therapist was Frankenstein. I hurt my back two weeks ago and nearly passed out from pain. I have no clue, it was sort of sudden, but I ignored it for some time. The Doctor "guesses" it is the sciatic nerve. Pain can make me so not myself. I have missed some work on and off. I hope your sloshing water goes away in your ears and you are up and around. I have been purchasing flower seeds to start in late February/March. I had much success last year, so I am really branching out with all sorts of different varieties of flower seeds. I am looking forward to all 150 flower bulbs to come up. The storm door has been shut for a while now throughout California. So very sad. We were on a good roll too! Keep your chin up! Hugs.

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  9. Middle of the winter doldrums here, too! I can't even start to think of spring yet, because it is a long ways away in Minnesota.But spring comes...it always does!

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  10. Brenda, I am so worried about you. You need medical help with your ear ( on going check ups to be sure it is healing and surgical repair is not needed) and with your ankle ( for obvious reasons). Do you have a nurse on call as an insurance option? Or a Social worker? They Might be able to help you find medical help.) I wish there was a way we could get you to a doctor..
    ( (Are you keeping water thoroughly out of your ear when you shower?)

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  11. So sorry to hear about the stubborn situation re: your ear, which sounds a little like what's been going on with me, i.e., splashy, ringing, clicking noises. It first started two summers ago, after a very stressful situation, just like that - from one second to the next, very scary. Did some research and discovered that these symptoms are sometimes connected to high blood pressure, which also appeared at the exact same time as the ear disturbance. The blood pressure is episodic, and not permanent, meaning that it rises when I'm stressed or worried or angry, and so I am not taking any medication for it, right now. I am a firm believer that stress is the cause of so many awful illnesses, and unfortunately, is sometimes very difficult to treat, due to its sources, which we may not always have control over.

    Hope your tulips bloom this spring and that you literally and figuratively smell the roses in them.

    xoxo
    Poppy

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  12. Wishing for spring here also, as we sit by the window and look at the world covered in snow.
    Hope you feel better soon!

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  13. Let's keep our fingers crossed and wish we all have an early spring! I'm so frustrated about your ear problems.
    Seem to taking taking quite a while to get better. I feel so bad for you...

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  14. I sure wish your ear was better. I know that has to b beyond annoying for ya.

    freezin fricken cold here too.. and ice all over the road too.

    stay warm and spring will soon be here,,

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  15. I will pray every day for you. You don't need me to tell you....please try hard to find some way to get medical help. Stay strong, but I know youare.

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  16. I know your pups are taking good care of you. I just adopted a terrier mix and she is just a little pistol. Here's hoping your ear heals quickly.

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  17. Hi Brenda, sorry to hear about your ear trouble... I hope that eases up real soon! I too want warmer weather. I'm just dying to get outside and start gardening! I bought my little fixer upper house this September so didn't get a chance to do anything in the yard yet... and that part needs fixing up too! But its basically a blank slate and has flower beds with concrete edging already so I'm excited for warmer weather! Your patio garden was so inspiring!

    Tania

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  18. Beautifully said. Birds are messengers at least they are to me.

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  20. so beautifully written brenda! sending you hugs and praying for your ear to heal! and thank you for all! may the birds keep singing and may we keep singing along.

    xo,
    kim

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  21. Hey, I'm with you. My warm hibernation has suddenly become cloying and I too need to paint something. Of course that requires fighting slush and salt to get in and out of the building center, but I think I'm just about there! I think all our birds have gone south.

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  22. Winter is hard when you can't be moving around quickly and when you can't do the things that make you happy. I hope this aggravating ear problem clears up soon.

    I do have to say that your enforced time of just trying to keep warm, and safe, have brought to fruition the lovely words in this post. I love the idea of the birds singing you through this rough time!

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  23. For what it's worth, I do know it takes a long time for ear drums to heal. It has to be very aggravating. Where I live we have a radio station that all the people that work there are volunteers. They play nonstop oldies, mainly from the 40s,50s a little from the 60s. When I'm home I leave it on as low background noise. Something like that might be a good distraction for hearing the noise in you ear. For years I would get very depressed from our winters. I wasn't used to winters like we have here. I've now actually turned this into a time of year I'm fine with. I do all the thing I don't have a lot of time for when the weathers nice. They always say beach reads but I'm more incline for cold winter reads. I hope things start to improve for you.

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  24. We've had some bitter cold this past week too in Tenn. I closed off my living room and one bedroom to conserve heat. I moved my recliner into the kitchen/dining room next to my wood stove. I only use the woodstove when it gets this cold because it's just too hard for me to lift the wood etc. But I'm cozy warm for now, and plan to hibernate like an old bear! I like to watch the birds, squirrels,and bunnies from where I sit. I love to read this time of year and make all kinds of soups and homemade bread. Like you, I dream of spring....it always comes you know!. Hoping you feel better soon...take care of yourself!

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