Doe, A Dear, A Female Deer...


Were you singing along with that title? 

I just got back from going to the new ENT doctor and then getting groceries. I am tuckered out and elevating my ankle. 

I was not too crazy about the new doctor. He didn't believe that the phone caused the injury, which I could tell made him think less of the first guy. He spouted some big words of explanation that I can't remember. Because I was focused more on other things.

I'd rather it not have been due to the phone. Too darned freaky. And besides, my right ear is involved, so that didn't make a lot of sense.

What I was focused on was his attitude. A little condescending. Do you ever get that with doctors? Interrupting whatever I was saying with a little impatience. Never really looking me in the eye. Being somewhat dismissive.

And to add fuel to the fire, after sitting in his waiting room for well over an hour, only to have a very short visit with him, he topped it off by calling me dear

All right, you people shaking your head in consternation, I know he probably thought that was okay. He was an older doctor, at least my age. He probably didn't think a thing of it. 

He probably missed hearing about a woman named Gloria Steinem because he was busy going to med school and being in some wise-ass fraternity.

Dear.

And it wasn't said with a hint of kindness. It was said in that way some men adopt that means they think they're better and of course smarter than we are. We women, that is. 

Now I don't want to cause a big back lash here. So don't get all up in arms about it. I don't want anyone to get their panties in a twist. Because you younger gals don't remember the old days. We paved the way for you and you didn't have as many obstacles in your path.

It was my experience. This is my blog. 

And if you're a man who has never met me and steers me from room to room like I'm a bit low on the intelligence scale, don't you dare call me dear. 

You don't hear a stranger call a man dear. It's just women and children. 

The students in my women's studies course in college would have had a field day.



He ordered some ear drops, which I will pick up next time I'm out. Because this body ain't going nowhere until my next doctor's appointment on Thursday, when I meet my new primary care doctor. She's a woman. 

I tend to steer toward female doctors, etc. Even my dentist is a woman, as is every single person working with her in the practice. 

She does not call me dear.



Here is a glimpse of what you're going to see in my bedroom. Don't those bright colors just make you want to grin from ear to ear?

I'm still pondering the rest. 

Though when Kay and I were in Jenks last week at the antique mall we frequent, I purchased six turquoise picture frame of all sizes. None too big. Guess what I paid for them? They were 50% off. $24 for all six. And that's with tax included. And I don't have to paint them. Yea!



I don't think I've shown you a close-up of the bright pink knob I put on the hutch in the living area. I'm not a very good painter, so no one need point that out. 

I am already fully aware of my skill level in that area. And it is slightly above abysmal. But I'm hoping if I just keep slapping coats of paint on things, no one will notice too much! 



I was disappointed today that all I did was shop for groceries at Target and my leg hurt so bad I didn't know if I was going to make it out of there on my own two legs. Luckily the young kid working there was accommodating and helped me with the many sacks to my car. 

I wear the tight stocking, and then good socks, and then my brace, and then my good sneakers. I had to order them in a size bigger to accommodate the brace, which is what the guy who made it told me to do. 

Only problem is, my other foot is flopping around in a size 8 when it's accustomed to a size 7 on the narrow side. The left side of my back is killing me. I've got to tell the surgeon in a few weeks that we've got to figure out a way to build up the other foot so I'm not limping unsteadily and off balance. 

I'll probably still limp when I've been on my feet awhile. But the left foot is taking the brunt of what is the new normal for the right ankle. If you're walking and one side is basically taller than the other, that just isn't going to work for long. 

My ankle surgeon is male, aged 40, (I asked how old he was before I allowed him to cut on me) and I really like him. 

He would not dare call me dear. He's too evolved.



Tomorrow we're going to have another edition of Java Talk. So see ya then folks. 

Dear. That's going to stick in my craw all day long.

81 comments

  1. Dear, Brenda
    Happy Tuesday.
    Your number #1 fan, Laura.
    PS. Yes, I was singing to the title.

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  2. Brenda, I hate it when a Dr or anyone like that calls me 'dear'! or Honey...that makes me crazy! I tend to like women Dr's these days. Sorry your foot is hurting but glad you got some groceries. Love the colors in your bedroom!

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  3. I wonder if the younger bloggers are bothered by this? Or if it's just our age group?

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  4. My ex-husband called my mom, "hun". He only did it once lol

    In the south everyone calls each other, sweetie pie, darlin, sugar, etc, so I kind of adopted it. Don't hate me lol

    I'm sorry your foot is hurting. I hope it gets fixed soon.

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    Replies
    1. My problem is with strangers, especially men, calling me that. I've never had a doctor call me that before.

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  5. Well, I'd have none of that. He's a medieval ass.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You cut right to the chase! I admire that.

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  6. I hate when strangers (doesn't matter whether a doctor, a waiter, a cashier, or just talking to a stranger in the grocery store) calls me any kind of pet name such as dear, honey, or hun. I want to say, "I am NOT your hun!" Or dear, or whatever. A few weeks ago when Brian and I were dining out, the waitress kept calling us "my friends" every time she talked to us. I thought Brian was going to flip his lid. lol

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    1. I don't consider it proper etiquette to speak to people you don't know with this type of language. I understand they don't think they're doing anything wrong. Or most don't. But I find it offensive.

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  7. I have had young women such as waitresses call me dear or Hun and that bugs me.

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    1. I guess if someone serves us food, we are like children and can be directed as such.

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  8. Older gal here, and I remember the days... I would have patted him on the head, chucked his chin, and told him if he ever called me that again I would kick his balls up through his teeth!
    Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

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    1. Then I could have said, "Got that, honey bunches?!?!" while leveling a dead stare at him!

      I wish I could have been there for you!!!

      Yet strangely enough, I'm not bothered at all by waitresses' calling me "honey" I don't know why, but it just makes me smile...

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  9. I hate 'dear' too, and 'hon'.

    Love all the colour you're injecting into your space. FABULOUS!!!!!

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    Replies
    1. I just didn't feel comfortable with it. It wasn't just what he said, it was the way he said it.

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  10. I think you know how I feel about him calling you dear. I have dumped some doctors because of their condescending attitude or the fact they didn't listen. I really do have wonderful doctors finally. I just mentioned on my post today that I am not a good painter. It really isn't something that I love doing, but I always love the end result. xo Laura

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    1. He said:" If the drops fix things, no need to see you again. Goodbye." I felt dismissed with his attitude. The way he interrupted me like nothing I said had any importance.

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  11. What an insult! I've never been called anything like that. I think it would make me good and mad. Sure would give him an earful! Your bedroom will be bright and colorful. I love it! I feel so bad that you are in such pain...

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    1. Well, I do pretty good at home unless I'm up painting or doing. It's just depressing that things don't seem to be getting better with this $1300 brace. I understand there's a lot of damage. And that being in a brace means I'm wearing a shoe and I won't get into trouble legally. This was the surgeon's aim, to get me out of the boot. Not that I get out of pain. That may never happen.

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  12. When I hear that song I am reminded of a ballet dance my daughter did when she was younger. I hope you rest we'll tonight.

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    Replies
    1. I'll be fine tonight. After about an hour off my feet, I start doing better.

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  13. Oh, dear! I wouldn't go back to that smartie pants! Loved your post ...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was afraid some wouldn't understand. Glad you guys seem to.

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  14. Sometimes, in the South, young check-out girls in the grocery store call me "Hun" or "Dear". I'm old enough be be their grandmother. I just give them "the look" and they stop calling me that. My kids laugh about "the look" as they still get it in their 40's-ha. I do agree that this is disrespectful and these young people haven't been taught the right way to address their elders. Our six year old grandson knows how to properly address people older than he is. My doctor would never call me dear, honey or anything else other than my name just as I'd never call him dear, honey or anything else. By the way, he's in his early 40's and is the best doc we've ever had. You can ignore him calling you "dear" if he's a great doctor (or ask him politely not to do that) but you can't ignore the fact that he didn't listen to what you were saying or was dismissive of the
    information you were trying to give him to enable him to treat you properly. I've found that the younger doctors I've dealt with in the past few years ( my own and several surgeons) have had much better "bedside" manners than the older doctors. Good luck, Brenda and hope you're much better soon!

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    1. I think the younger doctors have been trained in "bedside manner." Too late for the old guys/gals. I would have been fine with ma'am if he couldn't remember my name.

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  15. That sounds soooo vexing! I hate when doctors make you doubt yourself and then play that"dear" crud. I have had much luck with younger doctors, as they ask the right questions .

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    1. Doctors are well known for not taking female patients seriously. Part of the "old school." Remember hysterectomy came from hysterics and only a female surgery.

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  16. I have never had a doctor call me dear before. My primary and asthma specialist are wonderful, but I have been to some orthopedic surgeons who are so brusque that it borders on rude. I hate to wait an hour or more to see a specialist and then end up asking questions to the back of their head as they are leaving the room. No time for a "dear" or a "hon". It's all about the money (that they are making) not what I am spending to see them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I kept my tongue. I was more taken aback and didn't have words at the moment. I also told him that the nasal spray the other doctor gave me didn't work well, and just made me cough, and that I had used Similisan, which is a homeopathic ear drop with chamomile. And he said: "So you didn't do what the doctor told you." Wasn't a question. Just a statement.

      Delete
  17. Yep that 'dear' crap was condescending for sure. Can't stand that!!! I've run into Dr's lately that are so full of themselves that they don't listen to a thing you say. They give you the 'look' like oh yeah, you're a woman so it must be all in your head. I've been known to say a few choice words and walk out and not pay them! Seems like it's getting harder and harder to find a good Dr these days.

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    Replies
    1. I had a credit, so didn't have to pay. They make you pay up front here. Not at the end.

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  18. I don't like being called hon or dear either unless it is by an elderly female, she would be allowed. And I have no qualms about telling people not to call me by a shortened form of my name either.

    By they way, did you realize your orange case in the first photo is smiling?

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  19. I don't mind being referred to as dear by an elderly woman either. You're right, the gold box is smiling! Didn't realize that.

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  20. Just wanted you to know how much I enjoy your blog! I love the colors you’re using in your redecorating and look forward to seeing the final results! I know what you mean about being called “dear.” I especially hate hearing it from the young gals – and then when they say “sweetie” – I just want to scream!
    Hope you feel better soon.

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    Replies
    1. I am no one's sweetie. Dear was bad enough!

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  21. He obviously wasn't paying attention during his customer service training. Big no-no!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I doubt they even taught "bedside manner" when he went to med school.

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  22. Does your target have the motorized seated carts (I can't remember what they are really called)? Our target does and when I take my friend (who is young in her 30's but has a lot of health issues) to Target, that's what she always uses.

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    Replies
    1. I didn't see any. But next time I'm going to check. Although I had so many groceries, because I hate going out, that I needed a whole basket for food.

      Delete
  23. I don't know if I'd mind a male doctor calling me dear...depends on how cute he is, lol! I'd probably have answered your doctor back with an "okay, sugar" just to see his reaction. What really ticks me off are the young girls at the checkout or wherever calling me honey.
    I love your colors and your new header looks great!

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    2. I could have gotten past the dear if he hadn't been such a pompous ass. But being a pompous ass AND calling me dear was over the top for me!

      Delete
  24. Brenda, you might want to try something like this:
    Leg Length Discrepancy Lift, 3 Pack.
    Shoestuff
    Link: http://amzn.com/B0026690ZW

    ReplyDelete
  25. Brenda,

    I know it would suck from a financial standpoint but what if you ordered the same shoe in the right size for the foot that doesn't have a brace? You might be doing more damage to your hips and back if you're not balanced right.

    That pink knob is pretty spiffy! Enjoying the new color scheme!

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    Replies
    1. Going to ask the surgeon this month his ideas.

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  26. It was less than a week ago that I went into a craft store to make a return....the young woman (about my daughters age - 21 or 22) working at the nearest register called to me..."I can help you over here, hon." As I moved around to the other side of the counter I caught the eye of another employee who was my age (50's) and I said "Did she just call me hon?" She was overly chipper, smiling and said by way of explanation, "It's her personality!" I don't think so. My adult children would never call someone who is obviously their senior "hon". P.S. I love your blog and have been reading for a couple months, but have been a lurker till today. : )

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I think maybe a lot of it is the senior thing. Just herd them like a bunch of cattle. Don't really take notice of them. Interrupt them because obviously they can't know much. I didn't even get a piece of paper when I left telling me what his diagnosis was. Don't they usually give you something? And I sure don't plan to go back.

      Delete
  27. Hi Brenda, I don't mind "dear" coming from those that really know me and mean it in an endearing way or from an older lady. But a doctor calling me dear after meeting him for the first time would make me crazy. Did he think using that term made him seem like he had a good bedside manner?? Listening, treating a patient like they have a brain is far more appealing. I got into an argument once with our family doctor because he kept interrupting me. He was outraged that I would take a stand. I told him to listen to me because he was working for me and I was paying his paycheck. LOL Needless to say, I found a new doctor. One who doesn't think he is better then anyone without a medical degree.
    Love your new paint colors and the door knob is gorgeous and cheerful.
    Your header is really a great new compliment to your style!
    Hope your leg feels better and the ear drops help too.


    ReplyDelete
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    1. Well good for you for standing up for yourself! Do you know that commercial about car insurance? It goes something like: "So you've had your first accident. Your insurance wants to know if you had a dog in the car. Pretty soon you're beginning to think that it was your fault. And then you realize you weren't even in the car!" Well, he spun me through there like I was on a conveyor belt. Hardly had time to think. His being dismissive made me doubt myself a bit. Which made me even angrier later in the day.

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  28. rut roe.. guess this means I can call you Sweetums anymore.. giggle..

    love what you wrote and all the great responces and its wonderful having all this support and so many in agreement with you BUT.. He has a physicians ID number- you need to get that and write a formal complaint to the ama board ~! I know we all think " what good will my 1 little letter do".. it just might do a lot of Good as your letter just might be one of Many... even if it is only 1, its on record and goes in his file. The letter itself helps to restore your elf esteem in this matter as you will have now taken authority on this issue... For as long as all we do is walk off in a huff and inwardly ::or on a blog: rail against such as this, THEY/He will continue this behavior. Change starts with YOU and Me and every other woman who stands up for her rights. We did it once long ago and by golly, we can do it again..
    ps~ if you ever go back there for any reason make sure YOU find a way early on in your visit to call him, DEAR~!

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    Replies
    1. Yes he does. Because I know my ex has a number you can find online. I shall do that, Sonny. I am woman. Hear me roar!

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  29. I agree with Sonny 100%. In fact, she wrote exactly what I was going to write so I should thank her for saving me the keystrokes. Thank you Sonny. :)

    As for me, it doesn't bother me one bit if a waitress, sales person, etc. calls me 'hon' or whatever. It's more about how it's said, and usually it's just the person's personality, not that they think they're better than me. At least that's my impression. But this doctor is a whole nother' story. You should have ripped his balls off and fed them to the pupsters.

    On second thought, you wouldn't want them taking on any of his obnoxious traits. The wood chipper would work just fine.

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    1. It's kind of different when it comes from a woman. I don't like it coming from a man, or someone in a "a position of power."

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  30. Hi Brenda!
    I so love the new colors you are bringing into the apartment! It looks fabulous.
    I too hate to be called "dear" or "hon" - drives me insane. Now when I am getting a new doctor I ask the person making the appointment who she recommends in the group of doctors with the most personality. So far its worked every time,
    Can't wait to see the rest of the new color scheme!
    Margy in KY

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    1. I think I'll try that. But various doctors in the same place take different insurance.

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  31. I get a lot of "Honey"s around here. Can be from old ladies or young girls. It must be how they were raised...I can only think that their mom or grandmas called them "honey' all of the time so they do it to everyone.

    MY MOM usually called me a little brat ha ha :) :)

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    1. I didn't call my girls by those kinds of names. But I was never one for terms of endearment because I wasn't raised that way. Never called a husband honey, dear or sweetie either. I called them by name.

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  32. I agree w/ Sonny. If we don't take it upon ourselves to help affect a change... no change will happen. So, a letter is what you can do to help with the "cause". If each of us who is 50+ would do this when we are treated as dimwits, perhaps we would actually begin to be SEEN and not dismissed quite so easily. But simply complaining to each other, though a great outlet, doesn't help to actually change anything. I do agree that if you would need to see this idiot again that you start the conversation with "Hello, Dear, good to see you, but the drops did (OR didn't) work, so what do we do next, honey? And see what his reaction is. I wonder if he has a wife or daughter? He would probably be the one screaming if someone called his daughter "dear". BTW, the first thing I saw in the first picture was the smiling yellow case!!

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    1. I remember once I showed that yellow case once before and readers said the same thing!

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  33. I prefer women doctors as well. Yes, most doctors, especially the older ones, are very condescending. Just write down the questions you want to ask so you don't forget, and ignore his attitude. Also, try a gel insert in the other shoe that is too big.

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  34. Aw, gee, I'm in big trouble. At least you don't live in england, where the people who serve you might just call you "Ducks."
    I call the boys and girls at the grocery store, etc., "sweetheart". Because I call everyone that, mostly because i can't remember names anymore.
    Nametag asked, I say it with a smile, while acknowledging the change and sales slip they are handing me. I also touch their hands with mine, as it is said to help establish contact. Personally, I think we all need more touching. It used to irritate me that doctors would call me by my first name! So i called them the same way. These days when i sign up for using a doc the first time, there often is a place where Im asked what name i'd like to be called. Didn't you get this option? I feel really stupid writing "Mrs. H--------." This is the 21st century, after all.
    On another issue, remember i warned you about not having the legs the same length by adjusting the shoe height. Now you know what i was talking about.
    May I suggest (again?) you please get a copy of Triggerpoint Therapy Workbook by Claire Davies. Amazon has it. The third edition is revised by his daughter. He's dead now, bless him. But trigger point is done by SOME physical therapists. You can do it yourself and work pain out of the muscles in your leg. Might be time for crutches to take the stress of those large muscles in your hurting leg. At least til you get to the doc. Who might not even know about trigger point.
    Btw, is it rude to ask a surgeon how old he is? Just wondering.
    I know your pain and hope you can stand it til it's gone.
    MJ
    PS. hadn't you noticed that when we have wrinkles and/or grey hair we become invisible to younger people? My goal is to be SEEN and not invisible. It's my hobby lately.
    Wishing you all good things.

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  35. name tag aside…… I hate autocorrect

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  36. I'm a little younger and I'm grateful to all women before me who made it easier for me. Still, I wouldn't like a doctor to call me "dear". I had a fight with a colleague who answered "you wouldn't understand" to a question I had about a computer at school! "Hello? I have a blog, I do more on computers than you everyday!"
    And I'm going to sing the song all day!

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    Replies
    1. Wonder why they said you wouldn't understand? Because you're a woman?

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  37. Hi Brenda, I just love your site! Can't wait each day to check out your blog. I relate to your story and creativity,
    and want you to know with time I have found wonderful contentment in my life. I wish this for you too. Keep
    up the good work. Thank you for blessing me. Sincerely, Rhonda

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    Replies
    1. I have found contentment. And I'm so grateful for that!

      Delete
  38. Dear Brenda, Having your left foot off balance from the right one is causing the back pain. I can tell you that. When I had my back fusion my vanity didn't allow me to use the walker the proper amount of time, so I favored the r. leg causing horrible pains in the thigh. Our body compensates the best way it knows how. Some doctors just have no idea of their bedside manner! Hope the drops work.

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    1. Finally got the drops in today. They had to order them.

      Delete
  39. I can't stand being called dear or honey from someone much younger..I think it is so disrespectful..I don't last long with Doctors who have big egos..

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  40. I hate it to. I think a lot of doctors are dismissive and rude to women.
    Sorry about your
    back pain.

    ReplyDelete
  41. My husband isn't a doctor, but he will often call women of any age "hon". It drives me up the wall. I've told him people find it offensive, but he just doesn't get it. One sales clerk called him on it once, but I don't think he even understood that she had been upset. (He''s 68 and thinks he's being chivalrous.)

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, I think it's a problem with men of that age.

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  42. Are you originally from OK? It's certainly an age thing with men, I think, and it may also be regional.

    I am 62 years old, born and raised in Alabama. I have been called honey, sweetheart, sugar, darlin' etc from the cradle, by relatives, friends and strangers alike, regardless of my age or theirs. I do the same.

    In all my years of practice, ( I was a nurse for over 30 years, 20 of them as an RNP) I had two complaints about it, one about calling someone ma'am, one about calling someone honey, and both being from women who had retired here from NYC. I apologized to both of them, in person and in writing. On my own, not because I was required to. I was mortified that I had insulted them.

    They both went out of their way to make sure I knew they were card-carrying, hear-me-roar feminists. I was rather surprised that such mighty women could be shaken to their very cores by being called ma'am, to say nothing of having a Masters in Science and a license to practice medicine and being lectured to on The Struggle by a Performing Arts major. Lord how she loved to talk about her major and her time on Broadway.

    I very politely suggested to each of them that perhaps they'd be happier elsewhere. You need to feel comfortable with your medical care team, and if you feel insulted by their manner, you are not going to be happy.

    If it makes you feel any better, physicians with the worst bedside manners are usually by far the best at actual doctorin'. Note that the one you found insulting actually had enough sense to realize that bilateral ear trauma was not likely caused by being on the phone.

    ReplyDelete
  43. He made half -hearted attempts to connect with a fan base ray ban wayfarers online whose tastes were evolving, covering the Bee Gees, popping up on Dukes of Hazzard, reprising “Pretty Woman” in an ad for Sasson jeans. He gave up his pompadour for a Beatles-inspired bowl cut, ray ban sunglasses australia then grew a ponytail. None of it made much of a difference. “As the Sixties turned into the Seventies I didn’t hear a whole lot I could relate to,” he said later. “So I kind of stood there like a tree where the ray ban sunglasses online winds blow and the seasons change and you’re still there and you bloom again.

    ReplyDelete

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