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Brenda has been writing since grade school. She attended journalism school where she majored in professional writing. She loves to decorate, garden, read and spend time with her Yorkies.

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Here & Gone & Blogging


You know what I find sad? More and more, I click on someone's blog roll. Or just go visit a blogger I recall. And surprisingly it hasn't been updated in six months, a year, two years, etc. 

Or they've said their goodbyes.



Dottie Angel closed her blog. I clicked on her name on someone's sidebar. Only to find that she'd said her farewells. She wrote her last post in March. 

It was titled "The End", and even though I didn't read her on a regular basis, my stomach kind of made a dive like you feel when you're greatly surprised. She'd been blogging for eight years. She'd written a book.

I'm sure life just got in the way for these bloggers. Or it was just way too much commitment. But it's like a loss, you know. You won't have any idea what happened with them after that.

But I guess it's like all friendships.




People come in and out of the revolving door of our lives. Some are there from the get-go and intend to be there till the end. 

We like to think everyone we care about will fit in that category. But deep down, we somehow know most won't.


Except for dogs, our beloved pupsters. They'll be there to lick your face when you cry. 



And they'll be there faithfully guarding your body should you die.


Truly the most loyal and devoted of companions. You never have to worry about them hurting you. Or not loving you.



"A friendship that can cease has never been real" - St. Jerome

Do you believe that? That maybe some friendships were never real to begin with?



Men are one thing. But when a friend leaves you, somehow I kind of find that more devastating. You know? 

Because girlfriend love is held to a higher standard. They share our gender. We bond on a whole different level. They could stand in our shoes.

Judy Holliday said: "Lovers have a right to betray you. Friends don't."

Folks just up and walking out of your life is just plain hard. Damn hard. 



In life, things happen that at the time seem utterly inconceivable. You just don't see it coming. And wham! Someone you thought was there for you, just isn't. 

You thought you knew them, but obviously you didn't.

I guess you never really know the depths of the river. Only how wide it appears.

But back to where I started...



For the bloggers that gave it their best shot, and just had to let it go, I'm sorry you're not part of our community anymore. I'm sorry that we lost you. I hope you're okay and that you're thriving, wherever you are. I wish the best in life for you and yours.


They came, they joined us, but for some reason they had to leave. 

We hope their stay was a good one while it lasted.

And for the "friends" who turn and walk away, I can only hope the next person they take up with doesn't receive the same blow. That punch to the stomach you don't see coming. For I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

Have you had a "friend" in life who let you down? 

Cozy Little House
121 Comments
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121 comments:

  1. I have a friend named Kathy also, that I have been friends with for over 35 years. Pretty much always there, through thick and thin. We shared MANY adventures, trials, diets, pets, joys and sorrows. When I got divorced, she was there for me, even long distance. She loaned me $500.00 that really saved me. She would not take it back until I sold my farm, and had the money. She always tells everyone exactly what she thinks they should do, and it comes from her heart, but sometimes it can be too much. I rented a place instead of buying, for over a year, because she convinced me that it was the smart move( as I also needed a new job). The idea was to not buy a house until I had a new job, as homes are money pits, and if I got a job in another town, I would have to sell again.
    I HATED where I lived, and burning the money each month. I needed a place of my own to love and care for. I was more depressed than ever in my life. My friend called me each week, and tried to be encouraging in her own way...but she really didn't know how to help me, and she finally told me to "suck it up and get over it"....not exactly the best advice for someone depressed. After that she distanced her self from me, never calls, and will answer an email from me in a short, polite way.
    I still am stunned, after almost two years. I guess she couldn't deal with my problems any more. I never wanted her to, just be there to listen. Very sad...my other friend of almost 40 years, Sharyn, is always there for me, and says that I am a big girl, and i have to make my own choices, and friends are just there to listen and give advice if asked. I agree...but I still love all my friends, no matter what!

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    1. It's so hard to know what another person is thinking. You CAN'T know! But it is bewildering, and makes you feel a loss that seems to have no closure. If they'd died, there would be closure. But just for a friendship to, there isn't.

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    2. You never know what anyone else is thinking. Sometimes a person just gets tired of helping, physically and mentally. I have a friend I get so tired of, always whining, etc. I told my hubby, he said, "suck it up, Gayle, you don't know what she is facing. Put your complaints in a balloon and let it go". I have been able to do it a little bit.. I had one friend who quit on me, fianally after a year I asked what was wrong, I truly did not know. We talked it out but things willnever be the same..

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    3. Yeah, been there. I try to do what your husband said for you to do. For you truly never know what someone is going through. But wouldn't you be the person they'd turn to? I sometimes feel that way about the years I did Welcome Wagon, and many many bloggers went through that introduction. But so many, when they made it "big", seemed to forget I existed.

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  3. I've had two friends basically just vanish with no obvious reason at the time. One, it turns out, developed early onset Alheimer's disease, so it seems likely that could have been a factor. The other still remains a mystery. We didn't argue or even disagree. Live near each other and did things together and in between kept up with brief e-mails. Now if we run into each other in a public place she says hi but not much more. It's bewildering in the extreme. Sometimes relationships are about where you are in life--ones in the workplace can be that way, or other parents when children are small, but to abandon someone later in life for no visible cause is very painful to the person left hanging.

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    1. To me, it's the most confusing thing in the world. To be left hanging, swinging in the breeze.

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    2. I agree. The not knowing is so very hard to deal with. For me, I always feel guilty that I had done something wrong.

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    3. Deb, I think you feel that way, because when we don't know the reason we make it up, and we are always the hardest on ourselves.

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    4. Well, ain't the hard honest truth!

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    5. Did not proofread! I meant ain't that the hard honest truth.

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  4. I had a best friend in high school and after high school we roomed together. Then I got married and she moved away. We didn't talk for 20 years then I looked her up on Facebook and we reconnected. We had a blast and it felt like just yesterday that I had talked to her and not 20 years ago. But then I began to realize that her maturity level was still back in high school. I had grown up (as most people do) and she did not. When we reconnected she had just gotten laid off from her job and moved back home to "help her dad" supposedly... but I started noticing that she was just staying with her dad here and there... and then other places... seemed like she just slept wherever there was a place... my place included for awhile. Then she got a new boyfriend... a woman beater and druggie... she is now living at his place which is a run down shack basically. I went to visit her one day and was just appalled at her living conditions... it was dirty and just so disgusting. I think she is probably now involved in drugs as she stopped calling and after multiple excuses of why she had to break plans we made together over and over and over again I finally gave up. When I look back at our growing up days I remember that she had a very rough upbringing and she has pretty much always lived the way she does now... here and there... living off other people... she did have a son but their relationship is estranged now and I think I know why. I have come to realize that this way of living is all she knows and now that she's all caught up with drugs again I can't help her. It's very sad to me and even though we hadn't seen each other for 20 years I was really excited and had great expectations when we hooked back up. I struggle with this more that some people understand... it's just so very sad to me... and probably more upsetting to me than it should be because I don't have many friends so I was hoping that our friendship could be what it used to be.

    Tania

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    1. I had a best friend in high school who got pregnant and married the twin of the father of my first daughter. After that, she dropped me like a hot potato. Just like the other twin had dropped me and my child. Guess she wanted to "keep it in the family." I still have dreams of her sometimes, and wake up hurt all over again, although it was so very long ago.

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  5. I'll be honest. I've been on both sides of that old friendship coin. I've been left behind, left standing wondering what the hell I did for them to end the friendship, and I've been the one to end a friendship, because to be honest, sometimes taking on another person's long term depression, hardships and yes, sometimes their bad decision making skills in life, can be difficult. Too much so. I just needed to save myself from the daily negativity they brought into my life... We all have our limits, or at least we should if we have love for ourself. Life can be messy.

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    1. I guess I feel too deeply about many things. I can't just walk away, for the depressed ones with hardships seem to need me even more.

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  6. I've experinced this too. My best friend of 35+ years married an idiot. I also being an idiot, told her to careful and watchout for herself because I suspected being his 7th wife he was going to take everything she had.He forbid her to see me. Made up all kinds of lies about me. Like I was in love with him and was jealous of her. (Thanks but I have a truly wonderful husband). So she broke ties with me because he made her. Skip ahead 6 months when she showed up at my home, in tears, nowhere to go and $35 to her name. In 5 months her had gone through $120,000 of her money and life for her will never be the same. We have repaired our friendship, but she is damaged and I suspect always will be. I will never have that sweet, loyal girl back the way she was again. I still love her, but the trust is gone and I am sorry to have lost what once was.

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    1. She put you through a lot, and so did her husband. I'm glad to hear that you have tried to repair the friendship. She must know she made a terrible mistake. And she will never be the same. But if you can handle it, she needs you even more now.

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  7. I take friendship seriously and am loyal to a fault. But, it doesn't seem others take that care in being friends. I've had to learn to just let them go, when I stop hearing from them and don't know why.

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    1. Every single time this happens to me, I tell myself I will never let myself feel so deeply and completely again. But then I do. I guess it's just the way I am wired.

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  8. I have had many friends over the course of years that have let me down. Trust is a number one thing that binds my friendship and when someone betrays me and goes behind my back to repeat my "secrets", well that friendship is severed by ME. I do not have time for those types of people in my life. I don't have time for those friends who like to gossip or hear gossip. Speaking of our pupsters, I was in Santa Cruz for five days and my little Rosie was boarded at my local Vet's office. When I picked her up, she went nuts! It is a good feeling when our beloved pets miss us. I sure missed her. Happy Friday.

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    1. The most loyal relationship a girl can have! There's a book I read some time ago called Three Dog Night. Seems it was by a prominent author maybe. You should try to find it. I guess I gave mine to someone. It's about a woman and her dogs.

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    4. WHAT IS WRONG WITH BLOGGER TODAY??? It keeps duplicating comments!

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  9. I thought I had 'friends'. For 8 long years, these 'friends' and I were a part of each others lives. We sat with each other when one of us had surgery, we grieved and shared happiness. We were happy when one of us had a new child or a new grandchild. We shared stories of our lives. We ate at each others houses. These are the 'friends' that knew my husband and one of them were having an affair for over 2 years. When he filed for divorced and later married this 'friend', they abandoned me. Yes, that was harder than the divorce. It still is and it has been 4 years.
    About Dottie Angel: She does have a Facebook and she uses Instagram. This year she has a pattern for one of her 'frocks' that will become a Simplicity pattern. Very happy for her. Tif (her actual name), is a wonderful lady. Catch up with her on those sites.
    I am one of the guilty who does not keep her blog up-to-date. I always feel boring, but I have had many bloggers tell me to just write, it is, after all, my life and my world and it is my story. We all have a story.
    Thank you, Brenda, for all you do for the blogging world. You are a brave, talented woman and I am so glad I found your blog so many years ago.
    Hugs to you and those adorable pups,
    Deb

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    1. Like I posted, seems the girlfriends' betrayal is often harder to take than a man's. I think deep down, a lot of us just plain don't trust men from the get-go!

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    2. LOL - that is because (as my great-grandma used to say) "they can't help themselves, they are just fellahs" HaHa. Women think more alike and by nature are more nuturing. My husband always tells me when he does something to drive me nuts --"Guys are just stupid sometimes" . Age does help, but but good grief - it seems it is true "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"

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  10. Another good discussion, a second comment..there is a blogger that I have read for years, she has found and lost so many friends through the years. It is always 'their' fault, she never feels any blame. If one keeps choosing bad friends they should consider how they choose them and how they act towards them. Others can not always be the problem. I wake up every day determined to be kind but it is hard.

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    1. I guess it's kind of how some of us just seem to find "bad men."

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  11. I have seen one or two bloggers recently say that they are not going to post much anymore...they prefer Instagram....

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    1. Oh, that's too bad. I don't have the type of phone whereas I could join Instagram. But people tell me Instagram is for short things, so sounds to me more like a Twitter set up. I'm not interested in that somehow.

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    2. Just in case you're ever interested Brenda - Instagram can be used/viewed on computers and tablets as well.

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  12. well I'm afraid I did drop a friend like a hot potato - after I really got to know her I found out that she was very racist - I did not like the way she talked of people of other races I explained to her that in my very large extended family that we have people that are Asia, Black, and Mexican - still she continued with her derogatory remarks - I never went back to visit her, I never emailed or phoned her again - I found out through an acquaintance that this lady mentioned to her that she didn't know why she never sees me and didn't know what happened - I told this person it was because she was a racist bigot and that I could not tolerate listening to her - I don't know if it ever got back to her but I hope it did - we had been friends for at least a year before she let her guard down and showed her true colors.

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    1. I don't like that either. I would either have to speak up or walk away.

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  13. I think we've all had "friends" who let us down, but I agree completely with the saying - they weren't real friends in the first place. Thankful for the real friends I have had for many years, who I know will be there til the end. Including you, Brenda. Thanks, friend.

    Mary

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    1. And I include you as well, Mary. We've been friends for some time now!

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  14. This topic strikes a nerve with me. I had a "friend" that I met when we were teaching together. We were friends were about 9 years before we moved to Roanoke. We still kept in touch. One day she called me with this emotional story about all that she was going through with an eating disorder and was committing herself to a treatment program. She asked me to be her support person, so I wrote her letters and called once a week or month - I can't remember what the boundaries were. Then, she stopped answering the phone and I didn't hear from her. Several months later we were both at a mutual friend's party. I was so surprised to see her and I told her how worried I had been. Oh, she was fine, she'd gone on a trip, lost her phone in the ocean, etc. I was stunned. It still hurts when something reminds me of her. This group of friends has all joined Facebook since this happened but I can't bring myself to "friend" her. Interestingly enough, she also hasn't asked to "friend" me. I have no idea what really happened.

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    1. Isn't it strange? You'd think they could at least tell you what was going on with them. To leave you hanging, to me, is the worst type of friend there is.

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  15. Oh- yes- Brenda. It has happened to me. The first time it happened I was just devastated. I could not figure out WHAT I had done wrong...I searched my mind and heart and finally asked the person what had happened. Nothing -she said- everything is alright---but I knew it wasn't as sure as I knew the sun would be up in the morning. So sad.

    Hope you have a great day- and this was a wonderful post. I have bloggers that I have tried to contact that left blogging--usually with no success. However, the feelings you had for a blogger does not decline when the blog ends and you often feel like you are left holding no one's hand. xo Diana

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    1. That is a great way to put it! "Like you are left holding no one's hand." I couldn't have possibly come up with a better description of how it feels.

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  16. Oh Brenda what a heart felt post. I know exactly what you mean. I had a blogging friend that was so sweet. She was my first real blog friend. She did some very thoughtful things for me. And then one day. She was gone. Just gone. I haven't been able to find her. She had mailed me cards a couple of times but because of my moves I lost her address. I think about her alot. I hope she is ok. Somehow I think something sad happened to her blogging experience. In a way I hope that is so because I don't want to think that it was something bad in her life. I love visiting you. I know that I am on again off again and leave from time to time because of my computer problems. I hope that I don't disappoint people. I hate being gone. Prayerfully my problems are over and I'll be back this time for good.
    Thank you for writing this sweet heart felt post.
    Hugs,
    Sherry

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    1. There's nothing wrong with taking a break. I think people just worry about you.

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  17. Wow, Brenda. Timely post. Things have been quiet on my blog this week as we've been reeling from some of what you wrote about. The very people we try to be there for and think for sure would have our backs. The phrase you wrote that really resonated with me is that "sometimes we don't know how deep the river runs." Sadly, we found a shallow river in this relationship. Looking back, there were lots of red flags... but sometimes you just want to believe so badly you choose not to see. Grief over severed relationships really stinks. Thanks for writing...

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    1. I'm sorry this happened to you. It truly is like a fast punch in the gut, isn't it? Just takes your breath away and leaves you reeling.

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  18. I recently had to end (what I thought was) a friendship. I was being used. It was so bad that my mom and my husband both commented on how badly I was being used. I told her I could no longer do the things she needed me to do, and she hasn't called since. It was a pretty awful feeling, knowing that the friendship was one sided. I have a sister who is only 18 months older than I am, and we were like twins growing up. She and my mama are my very best friends. We can say the ugliest things to each other, and easily pick up the pieces. I cherish our relationships, because I know that very few have a close relationship with family. Friends on the other hand, I've not got many. As for bloggers leaving the community - I have found that the blogging world has become a lonely place. I think that is a reflection of people making it all about money (similar to what you wrote about, recently). We've lost touch of what a community is. Bloggers tend to get online, post reviews about the product that is paying them, and then leave. Very rarely do we take the time to check on each other, be truthful about what is happening in our lives, etc. I hate it for bloggers who remember using it as a platform to meet friends, share their homes, and be sincere about who they are. I'm so thankful that many bloggers are noting that we've lost the camaraderie that once was.... hopefully we can build it back, and the bloggers who are leaving the community will reconsider...

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    1. I think we can, by just doing what we've always done. Check up on one another, be there for one another. That is the glue that will keep us the community we once loved so much.

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  19. I suppose I have been lucky because no friend has ever turned her back on me. I have good friendships that have lasted since childhood. I have been blessed. But since I have moved here to Texas there have been some who just dislike me and they have never ever taken the chance to get to know me. I have never done anything to provoke them but they just don't like me for some unknown reason. At first it really hurt because I was hopeful about making new friends in a new town, so I just kept to myself. Recently I have come to know my neighbors and they are very nice and have made me feel welcome. Don't be sad Brenda. There are many who think of you as a friend.

    Big Texas Hugs,
    Susan and Bentley

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    1. Susan and Bentley.... I follow your blog too and yall are wonderful !! Sometimes people don't click in different regions I think. When I first moved from my hometown, I was sometimes teased for my accent - - but nowadays (thank goodness) folks have learned to understand me. LOL

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    2. Susan and Bentley, It sounds to me like these people who "don't like you" are cliquish or jealous of you. I hope you don't let it hurt your feelings because some people are so insecure that they can't accept a pretty and talented new person into the group. I hope you meet some new friends there, ones you have more in common with and who aren't threatened by you. And, I'm sure this never crossed your mind because you don't think like that. I found out about this phenomena when I moved to Illinois and was lucky enough to get a job as one of the three secretaries for a CEO of a big corporation that you all would probably know of. They had 30 stores than and now in Europe. Anyway, I was then in my early 40s and worked long and hard to lose 35 lbs. There was a woman who just hated me there. After six months of trying to figure out why she didn't like me, I asked her why she didn't like me and you know what she said? She said, "I don't like the way you look." My jaw dropped. I said, "You have put me through six months of living hell and it is because you don't like the way I look?" She said that was why. Unbelievable. Hang in there, Susan!

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    3. My true friends are all of you.

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  20. I am with everyone else here it seems, it has happened to me. I had one girlfriend whom I had known for over 15 years. We met as neighbors and our friendship began from there. We were so much alike and we went through so very much together. She went through a terrible divorce and custody battle and I was very happy to be there for her. Long story short after her divorce and her finding a new job, a new home and a new life she threw me and our friendship to the curb. She didn't have time for me anymore. I just don't have the energy for people anymore. I care so very deeply and I just cannot help it. It is something that I wish were different about me but it is not.

    She's not the only friend that's done that to me, there have been many more. Since developing my illness in the last 5-8 years I just don't have the patience or energy anymore for these women in my life. When I care for someone I have no problems giving in a friendship, it brings me joy. It's seldom ever returned. Not that I do the things I do for something to be returned, absolutely not. But it would sure be nice if it did happen once in a while.

    I've said it before here. People just do not understand my disability and how it affects my life. Sometimes I have to make choices and stay home. I have to say no when asked to do something. And I guess most just don't understand. It hurts that they don't usually even have the compassion to try and understand.

    I realize that my lifestyle is not understood. I realize that it probably is tiresome to those looking from the outside and those friends. Believe me it's tiresome from my standpoint as well. But because of my health issues I must lead a very rigid lifestyle. If I stray from those things then I will pay for it dearly.

    I'm just to the point that I can't care anymore what others think. And if I loose a friendship because of this then so be it. I don't need people in my life like that. I don't want sympathy by any means. My life is what it is and I accept that and do the best that I can. If it's too much for those friends then they can just walk away. I'm okay with that. I like being alone aside from my husband and fur baby most of the time anyway.

    Thanks for the topic Brenda. It's nice to see others that feel the same and have faced the same things. You always keep great conversation going here. I so appreciate that and you!
    Belinda

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    1. Belinda........... anyone who abandons friends b/c of illness is no friend at all. That's aweful. Put your health first.

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  22. Great topic of conversation. I have traveled a lot in my younger years and made a lot of friends that I no longer have contact with. I recently found out that my best friend in high school lives in the same town that I moved to a year ago. I contacted her and we went out for lunch a couple of times and had a good time. However, she is involved with her church functions, family, and is married to a man that has prostrate cancer. She does not call me because she is busy with her life and I understand this.

    My neighbor that I befriended when I first moved here, died after on 6 months of knowing her. I miss her greatly.

    My best FRIEND is male. We enjoy doing crafts together and I can confide in him and he does the same with me. People try to read things into our friendship just because he is male. It really upsets me because they think men and women can't be just friends.

    By the way, are your still friends with Judy?

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    1. Unfortunately we kind of drifted apart. I don't like to go out much. And she's so busy with all those great-grandchildren, helping her granddaughter take care of them.

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    2. Well, that's a shame. She and her late husband were so good to you. Yes, she seems to have a very full, happy, busy life with her family.

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    3. Yes, Judy and John were exceedingly good to me, for which I will be forever thankful.

      How did you get an Unknown comment on my blog? I don't allow anonymous comments. And I have that set in my Settings. You must have found a way around it. I shall have to check out my security settings I suppose.

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    4. I didn't mean to be anonymous. I sign in through google? peggyd0614@gmail.com

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  23. Yes, having a 'friend' walk away from me has happened more times than I can count. I've always felt I did something but couldn't figure out exactly what it was. An 8 year friendship fell apart last fall and of course she managed to blame me (most people do) and simply walked away. Sadly, I've become very cynical about friendships. I have serious hermit-like tendencies and they have gotten worse. I have padlocked my heart and refuse to trust again. It seems to be the only way I can protect myself. Yes, I know it's very sad but it's much better for me this way. I have many, many acquaintances but no one I can call a friend. I'm not sad but I am very disappointed in myself and those who have chosen to simply walk away. Wow, I just bared my soul - I'm sorry!

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    1. It's okay to bare your soul here! This is a safe haven for you all. I am hermit-like, as everyone knows. I have kind of tried to padlock my heart, but I figure I'll end up trusting again. I can't seem to help myself. Wish I could.

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    2. Thank you, Brenda! I'm working hard to keep my heart padlocked. The last big hurt was very difficult. A 'new' friend or friends came along and suddenly ...

      I'm sure I'll 'trust' again but it won't be very soon. I realize I'm very cynical but seriously enough is enough.

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  24. I have a friend who I have known since 2nd grade, and I haven't been able to talk with her for months now. I had a dream where we were in a house, packing up things and for some reason I thought we were packing up our friendship...sad...
    Some of the blogs that I used to follow have quit because of all the trolls and negative comments. Life it too short to deal with nasty people, so I can't blame them for stopping their blogs. Hope you don't have too much trouble with trolls.

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    1. Trolls are the worst .... just people who are negative and "rain on everyone's parade"

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    2. Oh, I get my fair share of them, believe me. Sometimes it's like a punch in the stomach and I go over and over it trying to figure out if somehow I was at fault. Putting up the GoFundMe account, which I was very very skeptical of doing, brought them out as well. It hurts. Boy it hurts. But after feeling bad for awhile, I tell myself: "You've let too many people take away your joy. You don't even know this person. Don't let her have that much power."

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    3. Oh, the trolls are just too much! Why do we let them live rent free in our minds?

      The problems is hers and not yours!

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  25. I have been blogging for only a year and a half and I am astounded as to how many bloggers quit. I had made a blogging friend last year. She did not know it but she helped me through some lonely Saturday nights. But then 4 months ago she was gone. No goodbyes, nothing. Closed account and gone. Another blogger Savvy Seasons by Liz was so helpful with her decorating ideas. I incorporated many of her blogging shares. Then one day...gone.

    I agree with the comments of people using their blog as a funnel to buy their book or online course. That is why I like you and your community of bloggers. People blogging about everyday life and not what someone sent them for free.

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    1. Oh my - i didnt realize Savvy Seasons was gone. All of the bloggers are such gifted folks (Im a follower - not one of the gifted LOL) Yall bring happiness to ordinary days ox

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    2. I loved her blog and then all of a sudden, one day she was gone. Does anyone know why?

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    3. She has a new blog called "The Tuscan Home." She hasn't posted in a few weeks because they're moving back to Virginia, but here is the link: http://thetuscanhome.blogspot.com/

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    4. Thank you Mimi for this information. I am headed to her site to catch up with her blog. Thank you again! :)

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  26. We have discussed this before. It is just so sad. I think someone in their comments hit it on the nail. Some people don't feel the depth of friendship like some of us. They are there for the moment and then off they go. I couldn't do that. I value friendships. I think people that are like that are lonely people. Yes, there are years and circumstances that friendships go distant. But when people just stop being a friend, I think that's shallow. I am having problems posting so I will stop for now. ONce I have a friend, I cherish them.

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    Replies
    1. Great comment Debby..............I recently heard on a show (from a lady about to turn 50) our generation/s follow things through. But in today's day and age being so fast and digital - some of the younger folks grow up with constant change and movement.

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    2. There's not much I wouldn't do for a true friend.

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  27. I think most of us have had this in our lives. I did a post about friendships being for a reason and for a season. I do think people come into your life for a reason and it may not be a long term relationship. I know I have changed over the years and so have my freindship needs. I am there for my friends, I am a giver but at some point I want to be the receiver...if that doesn't happen I usually can't continue. Maybe I'm too giving and get taken advantage of. I have found myself being more guarded with my time and my heart. Now that I have my family and my Mom so close, they really do fill up my life and while I have friends, none that live near me and I see in person. It's kinda strange, but life is pretty strange I've found. A really special friendship came to an end right before Christmas and it took me many months to come to terms with it. I felt a real loss and sadness. I understood what happened but it hurt none the less. Good topic Brenda.

    Linda

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    Replies
    1. I felt the need for friends a lot more in my younger years. I love my solitude now, but an occasional outing with a friend is nice.

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    2. Brenda, I agree it's nice to have an outing with a friend now and then. I do miss that!!

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  28. As always Brenda - - what a great post !!! That has only happened to me once- when i first started following blogs in 2010. I had to work from home because i had both legs operated on (separately- but made for a long 2010). The first blogger i began following was the amazing Funky Junk Interiors. Like you, her wit, honesty, humor, and wonderful design style got me hooked. Over 5 years later -following all of you has been like seeing my friends ! I have even got one of my cousins to follow bloggers now. AND - i do agree no matter what happens in life, your pups always are there for you! Ours are 15 now, and even through their own aches and pains..........they get up and wag their tails and smile (sorta) when we get home. YOU ALWAYS know how to say things in your beautiful writing that we all feel. Been thinking of you too - sending you good vibes and prayers for your situation WITH your pups. HUGS ox

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    1. My pups are close 9. When something goes awry in my life, I always tell myself, my family are my pupsters.

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  29. Another thought provoking topic, Brenda! I have not been blogging long, but yes, there were a bunch of ladies I started with, and got close to, that no longer blog...or email...it is sad, but I guess for them, that part of their life is over.

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    Replies
    1. I guess we'll probably never know. Unless they decide to come back.

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  30. Unfortunately I have lost friends many times. For the last 27 years we moved every 4-5 years. Its hard to make true friends like that and the friendships you do make are hard to stay with when you move away. Hopefully we are going to stay in this place from now on. I hope to make new and lasting friends. It really does hurt when friendships end!

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    Replies
    1. It's harder, I think, to make friends as adults anyway. As kids, it's a lot easier. But yes, it really really hurts and it stays with you a long time.

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  31. I just got the nicest compliment from you in the comments, Brenda! Thanks so much! I have been thinking of all the missing bloggers lately too. It makes me sad as well. I know what a challenge keeping on is. I've been at it for five years now. There are times that I can imagine a life without it, but I know I would miss it. And there are a bunch of great bloggers that I really miss now too. I admire your blogging tenacity and hope things have smoothed out for you.

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    1. You have a real knack for romance and aesthetics. Of course, how could your shop have been successful without a good strong woman with talent behind it? You have a lovely blog, Jacqueline.

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  32. Great post and comments. I think most of us have lost friends. I once had a friend that I thought would be a friend forever. If someone had told me the friendship wouldn't last, I would have said they were wrong. Well, I was wrong. Come to find out, said friend only wanted my help more than my friendship. I should have picked up on the fact that she was always asking me to babysit her kids (she had a in-home daycare) while she went to appointments and asked me if she could have a swing set my kids had outgrown, asked for this and that but never gave anything in return. I didn't mind because I'm a giving person and I like to help out friends in need if I can. But, when she found a new friend, she stopped calling me and was always too busy to talk when I called her. I quickly realized that it was "out with the old and in with the new". Another friendship ended when the friend married my husband's brother. I could write a book about that one! Let's just say that jealousy is an ugly thing and she's been a real thorn in my side and a big trouble maker.
    About blogging. I am one that has contemplated, even just recently, giving it up if just for a season. But I realize that I'd miss my friends too much. I hope most friends realize that life just gets very busy sometimes and it's not possible to visit everyone every single day or maybe for several days. I always seem to lose someone when that happens, but then maybe they weren't real friends after all.

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    Replies
    1. I'm a giver too. If someone sees something in my house they like, I often give it to them. It's an awful feeling to know you've been used. As for blogging, it forms my routine, and I love to write. People have to take breaks sometimes, and we don't know if they'll come back. When they're not back after awhile, I sometimes take them off my blog roll. But when I find out they're back, they go back on. You just never know. Jealousy is an ugly monstrous thing. Not everyone is a "post every day person" like me. I'm just compulsive about things.

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    2. Oh, and as for getting around to reading blogs, I couldn't possibly read my whole blog roll every day. I'm online most of the daylight hours as it is. And if I come across a new to me blog, I might comment there too. We just do the best we can.

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  33. I think we should all agree that if we ever stop blogging, we will post an update at least once a year to let everyone know what we've been up to - you know, sort of like a Christmas letter (except not all braggy like some of them are)!

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  34. I have an idea ~ let's start our own group. Seems like so many are commiserating. Instead of the "mean girls" we will just be the "nice girls". Why on earth are women mean to each other anyway? How stupid is that??? Life has enough tragedy without looking for it! I am willing to be anyone's friend and I am loyal. Do you want a resume? Happy to provide a resume of kindness. Only one boy is allowed in our club. That would be Bentley and trust me, he loves everyone!



    Big Texas Hugs,
    Susan and Bentley

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  35. Great idea! And Charlie Ross! You figure out how we'll do this, Susan.
    Brenda

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  36. I am in a message board for quilters and stitchery on yuku and it is only for nice people. Nothing else tolerated. It is small, but great.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Then, as Martha Stewart is famous for saying, "That's a good thing!"

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  37. I have been wondering...what is going on with Judy? You have not mentioned her lately, or did I miss that part?

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    Replies
    1. I kinda sorta addressed that above. Long story. Short on words.

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  38. It's late and I'm just getting here but I'm going to post something my 3rd grade teacher wrote in my Autograph book years ago, Remember those? Oops, I'm dating myself.
    'Friendship is like precious china,
    delicate, old and rare;
    If broken it can be mended,
    but the crack is always there."
    How true is that?

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    Replies
    1. I actually read that quote online the other day, and thought: How very true! And you try to mend it, but things just aren't the same.

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  39. I always feel really sad when a favorite blog goes away. Blogging is changing a lot don't you agree?

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I think it is. You know, I don't wish to be "a brand" or set the world on fire. I just want to write my little blog and it is what it is. My feelings, thoughts, memories, tips. Just me.

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  40. Many of my favourite blogs have been closed down. It always makes me sad. Goodbyes have always made me sad. I think growing up in an army family and moving a lot contributed to that. Even when neighbour's that I don't know sell their hones I get this deep down sad feeling. Weird, but true.

    As for friendships, no matter how old they are, some need to end. I witnessed my sister be virtually mentally abused by a "best friend". There are seasons in life and not all are sunny and warm.

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    Replies
    1. How apt! "There are seasons in life and not all are sunny and warm." I shall have to remember that one.

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  41. Many of my favourite blogs have been closed down. It always makes me sad. Goodbyes have always made me sad. I think growing up in an army family and moving a lot contributed to that. Even when neighbour's that I don't know sell their hones I get this deep down sad feeling. Weird, but true.

    As for friendships, no matter how old they are, some need to end. I witnessed my sister be virtually mentally abused by a "best friend". There are seasons in life and not all are sunny and warm.

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    Replies
    1. I like that phrase: "There are seasons in life and not all are sunny and warm."

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    2. What a great quote! This topic has helped me so much. Thanks to all who have contributed. I'd like to be in the nice girls club also and my boy Charlie Kitty is a very sweet guy!

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  42. I have found more and more bloggers are leaving as well. They just quit blogging without explanation, which leaves me wondering what happened to them. I've seen a few that quit and the comments left for them are concerned about their welfare and hoping they are alright, but they never respond back. Just gone.

    I agree with some of the other comments that a lack of closure is what bothers people most. That applies to friendships that drift in and out of your life as well. I've learned as I've grown older that I can't do anything about those friendships, just move on with your life and enjoy and appreciate the ones that remain. I have very few friends now, but I have discovered that I like it that way, since I'm rather introverted anyway. It is comforting to know that our pets will never desert us, no matter what.

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    1. I agree with every single thing you wrote.

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  43. Brenda, you know that I'm one of those bloggers that up and disappeared and you know the main reason. The other part was that I had a stalker that was making the meanest remarks and then started making them on my friends blogs when they defended me. I think it's was my now ex-husband's ex-wife, but I never found out for sure.

    Then there was the commenting back on blogs... I felt that I had to make a comment on every single persons blog that was following me and at the time it was around 2,000. Talk about pressure! I'm older and wiser now, but sometimes it's hard to resist trying to get back to everyone every time they post. I do what I can with a day set aside for it now, but it definitely takes time. I hate for anyone to feel left out.

    As far as real friends, I have two best girlfriends that I rarely see, but we're always there for each other. I think it's better to have two true friends than a bunch of fake friends.

    xo

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    Replies
    1. I agree. Better to have two true friends than a bunch of fake friends. I've never had many friends at one time. You shouldn't worry so much about commenting. We're all human. We do what we can. As a community, we understand that.

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  44. Well, this post hurt cause I can't find the time to blog much any more cause I'm out working. I wish I was home blogging. I am struggling to keep up with it. I try to read blogs in between customers during the day but most times don't have time to comment. But I'm here! I so wish I didn't have to work full time so I could blog fl time. I blogged slit when I was between jobs. Just know it is not a lack of interest for me it is a lack of time. I read you almost every day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nita, I wrote you a personal email about options we can look at. You're not a blogger that just disappears. You have commitments to keep a roof over your head and doggies to take care of. I never think of you as a disappearing blogger. Just one that has to prioritize her time. You're one of the few OK bloggers I know. I'll always be in your corner.

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  45. I don't think people realize that we really do make good friendships through blogging. They would understand how pen pals in days gone by became good friends. Just think of the movie Julie and Julia where Julia Child and her friend--was it Avis?--were so close and yet it took a decade for them to meet. But blogging friendships where you never meet seem hard to believe. It has been such a sweet thing to become friends with women of all ages. Some fade away and I figure they've found more compatible friends but maybe I said something to hurt. I have my foot in my mouth moments.

    It's obvious from the heartfelt comments you've received that we women care deeply about this subject. And maybe we can learn from posts like yours how to be more sensitive to our blog friends. Then there are the bloggers who have stopped blogging that you mentioned. There was one precious one who did and then went to a private setting. Others just realize that it takes up more time than they can give. Responsibilities grow larger. I can't imagine trying to keep up with 2000 visitors like Rue mentioned, even if they had all been nice.

    I have asked one of my sons to pull the plug on my blog if Mom is getting weird because I might not know that I am!

    Dewena






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    1. I think everyone is weird, Dewena! What fun would it be if we were normal ;)

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  46. I have found friendships with other women to be rather challenging. By the fourth grade, I already was losing sleep at night trying to figure out why someone who was my best friend on Monday wasn't speaking to me on Tuesday and had a new best friend by Wednesday. The girl who was my best friend in sixth grade declared in seventh grade I could not make friends with any of the new girls we were meeting in junior high. It was her or else. I took or else, because I wanted lots of friends, and darned if a lot of the new friends weren't a lot like the first friend! Most all of my friendships since then have not gotten real deep. The one that did, when I was in my 30s, faltered when she, too, put restrictions on the relationship. It was pretty much a case of, as long as we shopped where she wanted to shop, talked about what she wanted to talk about, and so on, things were fine. But if I wanted to do something a little different, she'd get in a tiff. She quit speaking to me at one point and I realized it was rather pleasant not having to deal with the drama! It would be nice to have some closer friendships with women, and I now work with two women who are very pleasant to chat with during breaks. Reading blogs is a way to interact with other women in an environment in which no one ever gets in a tiff at me.

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  47. I think the older we get, the less friends we have. Unless we live in a town where we grew up and still have those friends.

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  48. I grew up in a small Southern Illinois town by a middle class family. I grew up in the 70's in the High School years and had several friends. After going to college, getting a professional degree and practicing, I married and had a family. Most of my female classmates did not attend college but got married or went to work right out of school. My husband and I worked hard, bought a home, and were involved in our children's lives and activities and church. As the children grew older, I reconnected with a high school friend and we became great friends again. We did many activities and took trips together and always enjoyed each other as couples. My husband and I even went through a bitter divorce with her and were her support system. To make a long story short, we continued to be close friends even after she remarried until she began being friends with the "society group" in town and dropped us like a hot potatoe. No warning or reason. I was devastated. The women even have to call and find out what each other is wearing to an event! I thought you only did things like that in junior high? So, I know where you all are coming from! Some people will go to no lengths to get what they want in life!

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  49. Brenda,

    I blogged for three and a half years and started when blogging was very different than it is now. It was a community when I started in January 2009 and sharing was the number one priority.

    After about a year, I noticed blogging started changing considerably. I didn't like the changes but continued along my path. For me, blogging is about sharing and caring. I stopped being able to connect and when I left after three and a half years, I felt I didn't 'fit' anymore. That is a painful feeling and I didn't know how to deal with it. So I quit.

    Almost three years later, I am back. But, I am back 'my way.' I post when I feel like it and when I have something to say. I do not blog everyday as I did in the beginning or purchase items to blog about. I have a small circle of friends and I am ever so happy with them.

    For me......blogging is now back to what I want it to be.....sharing and caring.

    Have a wonderful day.

    Barb

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I always enjoy reading your comments and having you join the conversation here at Cozy Little House. It is like having a gathering of friends sitting in my cozy apartment. Enjoying coffee and dessert, chatting and having a good time. I appreciate each and every one of you!

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