Blog Plans In The Works

I have been working hard on trying to free my mind of worries. Medical worries. Financial worries. Telling myself things will work out. 

Two days ago, while I sat in the waiting room at the doctor's office, I took the piece of paper that was my receipt for my co-pay and started jotting ideas down on the back of it. For where I want my blog to go next.

For sometimes you come to a fork in the road, often due to some scare like this, and fully realize that time is not infinite. That you must make hay while the sun shines.




Suffice it to say: When I crossed the state line from Texas into Oklahoma nearly four years ago after my divorce, I told myself what my aim was going to be in life. 

I whispered to myself in the car: "I'm going to help other women like me." 



A person does not need a resume for life experience. Because living writes one up for you. So if you're breathing, you have experience with life.

Along with many others, so many of you, I have lived as a woman who finds myself, as I age, not much of a commodity in this society. 

I have lived as a woman who recently found out she has autism. Which kind of threw me for a loop. After 30 years of thinking I was something else.

I have learned what it is to be faceless because you are no longer a hot young babe. Men no longer turn around and stare. And if they did, it would probably mean I had a trail of toilet paper coming out of the back of my pants that I didn't notice upon leaving the ladies' room.

I have learned that unless you are a young mother and have children to nurture, people wonder "what you do with yourself." 

Or unless you have a career and are given the elevated status of being a "career woman in a corporate world," people don't ask you much of anything. Then you are pretty much just considered put out to pasture till your time comes.

And all of that is sheer nonsense. Of course we have so much to offer! And most importantly, I think, we have so much to offer one another. 



I am delving into some new ideas I have to broaden my horizons and that of my blog. As I once wrote: "I'm more than pretty pictures on the wall."

That still holds true today. More than ever.

I don't want to just blog about decor and where I moved a lamp and what color should I paint the dresser. Yes, decorating is one of my true loves. But there are so many other waters I yearn to navigate.

I came home the other day with notes jotted all over that piece of paper and all around the margins. Written while I tried to distract myself from whatever the outcome of the biopsies were. Sitting in my chart, already an immutable fact. But one I was not yet privy to.

When I walked out of that office, I breathed a sigh of relief. I had folded up my piece of paper and shoved it into my purse.

I'll keep you posted. Literally!

103 comments

  1. You have such fantastic ideas Brenda,can't wait to see what you come up with! Have a good day. Robin

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    1. There's things in life I'm not comfortable doing, like going out around many people. But I recognize that I have to try to use the talents I do have to help women like me. I mean, I can't rewrite history. Or pass laws. Or give money to the poor. Or help abused women find a safe place. But I can get all the information I can gather to help them the only way I know how. In life, I think you just do what you can.

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  2. I have quietly enjoyed reading your blog for several years now. I enjoyed your posts about décor but that's not what kept me coming back. Those occasional gut-wrenching, soul-baring posts were what spoke to me. I found something in each one that spoke to me on a very personal level. I found someone else who put words to what I was feeling. I found a kindred spirit. I would hang around and read your grocery list if you posted it. Because I know that you'll eventually post another of those posts that speaks to me. Go where your heart leads you Brenda. I'm pretty sure that most of the folks her will follow.

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    1. Some people head big companies. Some are police negotiators. Some are teachers, and teach the young. And some make the world more beautiful with art. We all have a gift. We can learn to use it to help each other. If others don't see us, we see ourselves. That's enough.

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  3. ^^^Ditto! The decorating posts are the easy ones to compose... it is the raw, unedited, transparent posts that you share frequently that makes me come back day, after day. I can't wait to see what you've got up your sleeve.... I know it will be wonderful!

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    1. There are so many wonderful and talented bloggers out there, giving what they've got. We've got to give each other what we've got.

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  4. How wonderful for you Brenda! And for those of us who love your blog. Like so many others you have inspired me on so many levels with your blog and sharing of your life. I admire your courage and the woman that you are so much. Thank you for sharing all that you do and giving of yourself. I cannot wait to see what the future may hold. Blessings to you and the babies,

    Belinda

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    1. The babies, sleeping here beside me, thank you.

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  5. I hadn't thought of you as a home decor blog; you are much more. xoox Su

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    1. Aw, my friend, I appreciate that. We are all so much more.

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  6. I'm looking forward to seeing what you have planned, Brenda. :-) If I want to see perfect people in perfect houses, I'll watch a movie. If I want to read about an oh-so-real person who perseveres despite oh-so-real-I-can-relate problems, I'll read a well written blog.

    Thanks for being the real deal!

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    1. People can see through facades. If you're not "the real deal" you won't last long in this place we share.

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  7. I'm excited for whatever plans you have Brenda. I know they will be successful because of the type of woman you are, one who does not live in defeat, but perseveres to accomplish all that you can! I take it the doctor appointment well relatively well?

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    1. Now I know what it is and have medication to treat it. It is much better. Thank you.

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  8. The last comment I wrote disappeared, so I'll just say "ditto" to what Maxine said. Also, I want to add that I've not been able to blog much this week but I did read the good news about the biopsy not being cancerous. Yay!! Have a good afternoon!

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    1. I don't know what's wrong with the comments. Right now I can't work on my blog roll. The Blogger Forums say they're working on it, in case you run into problems too. I updated Javascript, deleted browser history and cleared my cache. I was running out of ideas so I wrote them.

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  9. Looking forward to seeing what comes next, Brenda!

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    1. Thanks, Linda. The the platter you sent is just beautiful. Thank you.

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  10. Brenda,
    You already offer so much more than decorating... Looking forward to seeing your next adventure - I'm sure it will be fabulous!
    Lori

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    1. When I was a teen, I was a "big sister." Do they still do that? It was frustrating, because the little girl lived in ghetto conditions. I didn't know how to help her. I was still just a kid, with a baby, myself. But I knew then, you can't just look away.

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  11. Hi Brenda, you are a blogging friend and I have read every post since your first one that you sent by mistake. Always look for your next post. Learn so much, worry along with you, celebrate too. Hugs.

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    1. Joy, I sometimes wonder where I would be now if not for that "accidental post." It changed my life, you know. Or I should say, it put my circumstances out there, and all of you helped me change my life. I just want to pay it forward somehow.

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  12. HI Brenda, You already offer so much within your posts along with tons of creativity. Looking forward to seeing what else you will share with us.
    So glad you had that sigh of relief. What a blessing.
    Have a nice weekend. cm

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    1. Yeah, that was a heavy weight to carry around for 15 days. But it could have gone the other way. For so many women, every day, it goes the other way.

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  13. I KNEW you'd pick yourself up by your bootstraps and come up with a plan. You're a fighter if ever there was one.

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  16. Brenda,
    I agree with Butterfly Bungalow. You are so much more than a decorating blog. I continue to read your blog because you are real and you are honest. I've lived too long to play games with anyone or to read a blog resembles a long Christmas newsletter. I feel like I know you even because you share so deeply from your heart and because we are going through many of the same things. Thank you so much for writing and sharing the real stuff!
    Bless you!
    Clara from Redeemed Junk and Stuff

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    1. I've always been pretty transparent. I know most aren't comfortable writing what I write about. I guess we all have our place.

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  17. You are an amazing lady...full of inspiration, a huge heart, cares for others, helps whenever she can, speaks straight from the heart, and can decorate too...mighty fine if you ask me! I'll be looking forward to your next chapter, and I'm sure the second verse won't be the same as the first! :)
    Blessings,
    Cindy

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    1. I'm a small cog in a big wheel. But all of us together make a great team!

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  18. Brenda, you are such a good writer and express ideas and feelings so well, I hope you do pursue that is in some way. Helping others, well you do that with this blog already, but I see that you could do so much more. Can't wait to see your new path!

    Linda

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    1. Some people get second chances. Some don't. I found out early in life that I could see pain, or feel pain, and transcribe it into words everyone could feel. I don't know where it came from.

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  19. Yes, you have had some hard knocks. But you are great writer and share so much of yourself. I think we all like to have our particular likes and even quirks validated. So when you share your life so many of us feel better about ourselves as part of the culture of womanhood.

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    1. I like the idea of "womanhood." Like neighborhoods, womanhood means a group of individuals. Just like neighborhoods are groups of houses. For change to come about, it takes a group of like-minded people.

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  20. I can't wait to see what you have in store for your readers!

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  21. Brenda, I dont often comment..but when I read your statement of being " not much of a commodity in this society" I just had to write! You are such a commodity! You are such an incredible inspiration to so many women! You do so much good! You need to give yourself more credit...you deserve it!

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    1. I don't mean just myself. I mean a segment of the population of aging women. Displaced women.

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  22. You wrote to me, recently, and said you'd think of something to do. I think you've chosen a good topic.........one that you really know something about..
    Being a woman on your own, you've shared many interesting topics and even your craftiness when you were making pillows..
    I give you a "Blue Ribbon" for outstanding assertiveness and for not giving up. Good friends have come to your rescue when you needed them.. I consider that you've been blessed in may ways even with your difficulties..
    Tomorrow, Saturday, June 20, 2015, will be the first day of the rest of your life.. I wish you a tremendous amount of good fortune with whatever you decide to do with your ideas..
    Always,
    Charlotte

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    1. Yes, so many good friends have come to my rescue. You're absolutely right.

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  23. Brenda you articulate so beautifully truisms from the heart. This is why your my favorite blog and the only one I consider prevalent to my life and that of other women of our age. Its so true that society has forgotten us , I experience it every day, the clerk takes the cute young thing behind me first, men look and me and laugh out loud thinking loud cruel jokes are acceptable, Other younger women titter among themselves with ridicule in public of the "old lady" that cannot find her keys and is fumbling with the debit machine. Clerks roll their eyes and look at us like we are trash. My local grocery store has male clerks that roll their eyes and me and ignore me when I speak to them . Apparently we are not even worthy of speaking to . We are a neglected group by society that is obsessed with youth and young appearances. Yet we are wiser, more talented and far more intelligent at this point in our lives. We have the wisdom of age and all it offers. We are vibrant and healthier then every before. We are multi talented. We do have everything to offer ! I appreciate the fact you want to address our issues. . I think your new platforms will be so exciting. I cannot wait to see how you progress the blog. Your writing is wonderful and speaks to all of us senior women. Thank you.

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    1. Yes, everything you wrote. You think: when did I become invisible?

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  24. Brenda, You are an inspiration to me and as I see here, many others. I love your decorating pictures. I look for them all the time. I save all of your emails to read when I have the time.
    Your honesty and openness are needed in my life and others. I love you heartfelt messages like today's. The gut- wrenching ones are awesome. Having trouble coming up with the words I want to say. Keep sharing with us your joys of decorating, Your hopes and dreams. Everything. It's what make you , YOU... Prayers . Love and support. Sarah.

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    1. You all have supported me. I want to support you too.

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  25. Can't wait to see what you have in store for us...

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  26. You need to start writing articles and submit them to magazines, newspapers, write short stories and send it to a publisher. You could start another blog to help women in our age group. I have to say I don't care if men don't look at me or if I don't get any kind of attention, I rather do for others; that is my reward. I wish you could get an income from all of you talents - I know you will figure something out. Before the internet I went to a marketing/mail order class; perhaps I wanted to start a business.
    The instructor at that time told us a simple pamphlet was all you needed and customers would pay for it. Today the media is different but there has to be something out there for you. A design, words, gardening; how you get things done; life style - can't wait to see what you come up with. I probably could need a writing course.

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    1. Well, I've already written a writing course. Yes, things have changed a lot since I was in college studying journalism. The internet has taken the place of the platforms we sought to be a part of then.

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  27. I'm looking forward to whatever you write!

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  28. Brenda,

    Oh my... I finally got up the nerve to respond, and it just went poof! I just wanted to second what Maxine said, because she said so beautifully what I'm not able to. I've wanted to comment forever, but after I write and delete what I've written several times, I usually just give up. You are my hero Brenda, and to so many others like me. Thanks for giving a voice to those of us who have none.
    TJ

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    1. There are so many segments of our population that don't really have a voice. Sad, but true.

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  29. I know what you mean about being invisible as you grow older. I used to turn heads, but now at 69mthe chances of that are nil (or as you say, if you're trailing toilet paper, or something even more embarrassing) But last week I collapsed (I have MS) and my husband had to send for an ambulance, as I had no feeling in my legs. When the paramedics arrived one was a young man, that looked like the hippies I was wild about in the 60s. The first thing he said was, 'Haven't you got beautiful hair?' I was lying flat on the hallway floor at the time, so it really made me giggle. But that remark did me more good than all the medical treatment I got at the hospital! Blessings

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    1. Thank God for young hippies who appreciate lovely hair. Glad he made you feel better.

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    2. I love what that young man said! I work at a hospitl and have seen what litle remarks like that mean t a person Sometimes remaks lke that make people feel like they are human not just a number.

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  30. Can't wait to see what you are going to share with us. I love reading anything you write. Your the best writer.

    Kathy

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    1. What a wonderful compliment! Thank you. We all have our talents. Yours is taking nothing and making something beautiful.

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  31. Everyone has written wonderful comments that I echo. It feels good to find you authentic self, doesn't it? I love the spirit I'm hearing in your voice here, Brenda!

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    1. Walking into that office, I just didn't know what was going to happen. Walking out was a whole different story.

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  32. Onward and upward, Brenda. When I have time to surf, I look at the decorating blogs and like them, but your blog is what I check everyday. I admire you for just keeping going in spite what is happening to you. You put one foot in front of the other and keep going forward. Can't wait to see what you have in store for us.

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    1. One foot in front of the other. It's what we all do.

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  33. Ditto to what Maxine -- and really everyone-- has said here. And Gisela has a great idea. Submit an article or a story. Perhaps start with an autism organization?? You never know where it could lead.
    I love your "never give up" attitude Brenda. You're an inspiration.

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    1. I don't know where I'm going. But I'll know when I get there.

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  34. Great post. I know exactly what you mean. I am working now at a job I love somedays. Can't bear this next day. It is very hard to find a job at this time of our lives. It doesn't matter that I founded and managed a non profit for 10 years. I know what you mean about wanting to help other women. Maybe together we can find the answers. Thanks for your honesty and your heart. But I do love to hear about how you decorate your sweet house! Have a good weekend.

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    1. I think you're right. Together we can find the answers.

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  36. I have told you before, I look forward everyday from a visit from you. I love your home and your beautiful patio. YOU are a great person and don't ever forget it Brenda!

    ~Bobbie

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  37. Brenda, what ever you pursue you'll do it with gusto! I wish you the best and I'm always on your side. Make sure you throw a little of your decorating in there once in a white! :) You're an inspiration!
    Be a sweetie,
    Shelia ;)

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    1. And so are you, Shelia. You created a whole other language for us!

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  38. You are a breath of fresh air.

    Every single time you post, I learn yet another piece of something.
    Life. Pain. Education. Calmness. Illness. Victory. Failure. Strength. Woman. Sisterhood. Contentment. Trial and Error. Triumph.

    You are a root to our stemming growth.

    I can't wait for those notes. Thank you for being such an inspiration.

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  39. I won't wish you good luck because I know you will accomplish what you have put your mind to.

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  40. I recall saying it to my self a few years back.."I feel like I have become invisible"..I didn't know that other women felt this way too..Thank you for once again for letting me know that I am not alone in these sad, awful, hurtful, scary feelings..

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    1. I forgot to tell you how happy I am to learn that your biopsies were good..Halleluiah my friend..

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  41. I hope you don't pit this about male verses female. I know many "mature" males that feel invisible too. If this is the road you decide to go I'm not reading anymore.

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    1. Well, first, I'm sorry you jumped to that conclusion. I'm talking about aging, which is about both genders. But since I'm female and so are my readers, we see it from this side of the coin. As for not reading anymore, that is of course your choice. I don't want to pit anyone against anyone here.

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  42. Brenda, I haven't been where you are, but I have friends that have been or are right now. It must be a terrible place to be. I can see this being a wonderful point of ministry for you to other women. I don't know what your faith is, but it sounds like your blog is heading in this ministry direction! We're all anxious to see where it takes you!

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    1. I am not only an aging female. (Aren't we all aging as the seconds fly by?) But I am also that strange duck who happens to be an aging Aspergian female. Men will take flight like big birds if they start a common conversation with me, and I go into my "strange duck" monologue.

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    2. But you've certainly managed to have men in your life in the past.... You didn't suddenly become autistic. If you have Aspergers now then you've had it your whole life. Yet you were able to have conversations with men, marrying three times. Why would a man take flight now having a common conversation with you? I don't quite understand...

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  43. Such a powerful post in so many ways. Thank you for opening up and sharing this with all of us....because yes....as a woman each and everyone of us is going to experience what you just listed above. I will be praying for you. Good luck with everything! Nicole xo

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    1. It doesn't bother me in the least to be invisible. Because those who are autistic WANT to be invisible. They don't want to be noticed. Because most of their life, when they were noticed, it was because inevitably they were doing something wrong or strange in some way. But I know it bothers a lot of women. Because we don't stay young and beautiful but for a short span of life.

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  44. oh.... i think i like where this is going. have a great weekend. I will catch up with you after our vaca.

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    1. Have fun. Be safe. Don't drink too much. Or if you do, do it close to your bed so when you fall, you will fall into a safe place. (I don't drink now mainly because of medication and reflux, but when I was young and drank just a tiny bit, it was pretty inevitable that I was going to stumble and fall. Now I'm just clumsy.)

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  45. WRITE, WRITE, WRITE!!!!!!!THAT IS YOUR GIFT. DECORATING ALSO BUT WRITING IS THE NUMBR ONE GIFT

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    1. How about I write the book of my life online? That's one of the things I've been pondering. No comments. Just me, one day a week.

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  46. You already help many so this will be a stronger extension of what you already do :)

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    1. Transparency brings with it good things and bad things. Your soul is laid bare. You are judged. But I've learned that there is probably no judge more harsh than your own inner critic.

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  48. I can't wait t see what you come up with! I bet you could write some intersting books. Yu just ve way with the written word!

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    1. I think the scales are pretty fairly balanced. Because verbally, socially, I am a disaster!

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  49. Funny how I get message aove the comment box that says your comment was published even before I write it!

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    1. I do know there are some glitches with Blogger right now. They're working on some things. Like blog rolls you can't add to.

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  50. I'm so glad you said "all of this is sheer nonsense."! You already offer and awful lot to others, already, but whatever changes you are planning sound wonderfully positive! And, you gave me a chuckle, with your toilet paper line...because, uh, yeah, that happened to me, in the most embarrassing place. Someday, I'll write about it on my blog.

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    1. Oh, please do! The stories I remember and have the most fun with are ones like that. I mean, embarrassing things happen to all of us. So we should share them.

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  51. I always say that when I went to auctions when I was in my 20s and 30s, men would all run to help me load things into my car, now I could be lying in a field with a dresser on top of me and no one would notice. After one gets over the initial shock and, in my case, a period of being disbelief and then acceptance, I try to laugh about it. I am now looking at Miss Marple as a roll model. Brenda, you've got so many talents, in so many areas and you are so resourceful. I didn't realize you have only been divorced for four years, somehow, I thought it was years and years ago. You are doing good! Lots of women are still hiding in the closet at that point. I still think about that story you wrote with the ending being the sound the flagpole rope makes banging against the metal pole. If someone one remembers a sentence after all that time, the writer is really good. Happy days about the good health news.
    Ginene

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    1. I nearly choked to death over visualizing you in a field with a a dresser on top of you. It reminds me of someone who happens to be related to me, who told me she woke up the morning after her high school graduation in a cow field staring up at the sky. I hope it wasn't on a cow paddy. And that flag pole you recall? I can still hear it. Imagine that? It was 30 years ago.

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  52. Let's vow to each other that when we get up in the morning the first thing we say to ourselves is " I refuse to be devalued, marginalized".

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  53. Hi Brenda- you ALWAYS make me smile ..........OMG "unless you have tiolet paper running behind you". Life always comes full-circle. When one of my sisters-in-law said she was not going to a wedding in our family b/c she "was looking a mess". ... I told her "hey, be the best YOU" , and now we sit back, relax, enjoy life and let the and young folks in the family be our stunning beauties in and out! As we get up there in years, we are not going to look or feel the same as in our younger days. We might not be on the dance floor the whole night, but we are still having fun. Everyone makes their own way in life. Everyone has their own unique gifts and talents and we have to celebrate those things and not worry about fitting in perfectly. Time to live and let live and pray for everyones happiness! ox

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  54. Sounds like you are busy making new plans and moving into your life's purpose. Best of luck with that. I continue to enjoy reading all your posts, including your personal home decor posts. xx

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  55. I am an aging female, but I don't feel invisible. In fact at this stage of my life I have more confidence then I ever had before. I've been through so much in my life and come out on the other side with newfound wisdom. I apply this wisdom and a positive attitude to all my interactions with others. I've found that a positive attitude is contagious. I don't miss men looking at me like a piece of meat as they did when I was younger. I find it to be rather freeing to no longer be regarded as only a sex object....

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    1. I wanted to email you, but you have a no-reply address. I don't feel invisible. I know many women do. But I actually prefer to be invisible. You mentioned something about my having been married three times, so I was not always awkward around men. I was always awkward around men, but when you're a young pretty woman, it wouldn't much matter what you said because you're a young pretty woman and that is what they often focus on! I have gotten more awkward in my dealings with people as I age. Maybe it's because I am not around people much, and also am much more aware that the communication between us is often not clear. I too, feel more confidence, except for temporary lapses, than I ever felt before. I guess that's because with age comes wisdom. Hope that answers your questions.

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    2. Brenda, I experience the same issues. I am more awkward around people today and I too feel that is relates to the fact that I just don't go around people or social situations much anymore. They make me nervous and anxious and it's just not worth it to me. And I'm okay with that. In fact it's because that I am more confident that I can be okay with saying no to social situations or interacting with people because they are difficult for me to deal with. Sure I have moments where the confidence may fade but they are temporary and usually happen when I'm having a very stressful day which cause my anxiety to rise to a panic attack. I do what's best for me in my life with my health situations. It's made me a stronger person, a survivor. And it's made me confident in knowing that it does not matter what anyone may think of how I live my life or my choices for my life.

      I know who I am. I know what I need in my life. I certainly don't feel invisible in my life. I just know what I need to do for myself and when I do those things most people don't understand so therefore they make their own assumptions.

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I always enjoy reading your comments and having you join the conversation here at Cozy Little House. It is like having a gathering of friends sitting in my cozy apartment. Enjoying coffee and dessert, chatting and having a good time. I appreciate each and every one of you! However, if you are a no-reply commenter, I cannot reply via email to your questions or comments.

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