One Hellish Day

This morning I went to see a female gynecologist. I have not seen one since way before I left Texas, because I'm afraid to be examined. Not afraid because I'm squeamish. But because it is so painful.

I don't think I have any male readers, but if you happen to be a male, you might want to click off right now.



So today was the day. My appointment with a female gynecologist across town. 

I couldn't really sit as I waited for my name to be called, so I just sort of leaned to the side. Like an old house that has seen better days, and just can't stand up straight any more, so it lists to the side. 

Took forever, but it usually does on a first time visit. I had been told today would just be a consultation.


She was very nice. I had laid there on the examining table trying to close my eyes to the horrid fluorescent lights above. People like me have trouble with fluorescent lights, sensory wise. 


Why don't they find something else to light the room? There was a small lamp, and after about 45 minutes of lying there, I asked the nurse if I could turn off the overhead lights. Sure. I began to relax some after that. 


However, if I'd known what was coming in just about 20 minutes, I probably would not even have left home this morning at 9 a.m.



"First, she said, "You have a terrible yeast infection. And we have to treat that."

I begged her not to do an internal exam, but she said she would do as little as possible. She told me the atrophy was pretty bad. Yeah, I knew that. And I now have a rash as well which looks red and angry.

Then she said: "I'm going to need to do some biopsies, so why don't you go take care of this yeast infection. Because it's going to be painful enough without that being a factor."

Stupidly, I said: "I've had this for ten years. I am in agony. This is not quality of life. Just do it."

She said: "Well, I'll warn you again that this won't be in the least bit pleasant, but we'll numb the areas as best we can. I normally do this in the procedure room, but let's just get it done." She told the nurse what to go get. 

Here she comes with these huge needles I tried not to look at. I thought I would pass out as she inserted them. Heck, would the biopsies hurt any worse than this? Just start cutting!

Then she pours betadine in that region, which set me on fire. I'm biting into my fingers at this point. 

Then comes the cutting. I'm not even sure at this point what it is for. I am beside myself and just want it over with. I don't want to ask questions, I just want to get up off that examining table.

It was somewhere on the other side of bad. It takes awhile. I hear her say (I think) left labia and then right labia to the nurse to write down. I tell her I've been having stabbing pain in the left side.

When finally she's done, she then says: "Don't touch this area with anything. Not so much as a wet wash cloth. Do not sit in water. It's going to turn black. Don't let that scare you. And you're going to bleed for awhile." 

They hand me a maxi pad, the likes of which I have not seen in 30 years come August, when I had my hysterectomy at age 28. 

The nurse comes back, hands me some samples and says make an appointment for two weeks. She should have the results back by then. 

The results of what? I'm still unclear. But I'm in such a fog of pain I don't even ask.



I get up, gently put on my clothing, and go out to make an appointment. It is kind of surreal, because I'm myself but I'm not myself. I'm somewhere in between my selves. 


I leave the office, which is in a huge hospital complex. I have parked my car in a parking garage. But I am confused and can't remember which direction. 


I go to the lady sitting at the information desk and tell her my dilemma. I asked her if she had any ibuprophen or anything. 

She tells me she's had biopsies and it's best to get some ibuprophen in you fast, so she points me down a hall toward a gift shop. 


All these turns and of course I'm wondering if I can find my way back to her. She told me to come back to her desk after I get it. 


I buy some water and take it right there, then walk back to her like I'm about to give birth and there might be a head sticking out somewhere. 


She calls security and tells them there is a patient who has just had a procedure and is disoriented and can they please come get me and find my car so I can leave. 


She tells me to go outside and: "See those green round cement things sticking up out there. Perfect size to sit on to wait for them."


Sit? SIT? I perch on the very end and at that point I find myself rocking. The pain seems like there must surely be a head coming out somewhere because I feel all torn up. 

Finally he gets there and I gingerly sit in the passenger seat. We find my car.


All I knew at this point was that no way was I driving straight home and letting the dogs see me in this shape. They are too attuned to how I feel. I'll make them sick too. 


Of course I don't go out until I have a bunch of errands. So I go get my hair cut, in a fog, kind of holding myself up with my lower arms in the seat. 

I then drive through a McDonalds and get some iced coffee. Hell, I know it is going to sting coming out but I need some caffeine to help the pill along a bit. And don't I deserve a bit of coffee after weeks of not having any?

I'm beyond any sense or caring. I just want some iced coffee, and throw caution to the wind.


I get my coffee and gratefully sip at it. There's no point in thinking past the next few minutes, much less when it will have to come out of me. 


I then drive to the eye glass place because my warranty on my glasses is about up and I need to talk to them. From there I go to the Walmart Market and roam around like a chicken with its head cut off. 


I can't remember what it was I needed. I didn't write it down. So I just wander. Because wandering is better than sitting in my car. I get a spray bottle because that might help when it comes to cleaning since it can't be touched. 


Of course on this day there are no handicapped slots open, so I had to park a ways out. I manage to pay twenty something dollars for my purchases and off I go to sit down in the car. But boy, I'm looking forward to that iced coffee waiting for me. 


No matter how it may pay me back for having gotten it.


Thankfully I had last night downloaded these photos I'm showing today, and I had a post started about summer or something. But I deleted all that. Because I want my readers to have knowledge of these things in case it happens to them.

We women have to stick together.

(A sweet reader sent me this very cute dish towel.)

On fire. Yes, I'm completely on fire. And wearing something against that part of me is sheer agony. I then drive to the bank, where I sit in line to do my business. But by then I'm kind of fading in and out, and I'm pretty peaceful and kind of glazed over feeling.

Like I've had a few drinks or something and time is kind of non-existent. I'm in that state where you aren't really sure where you are or where you've been. But it's a peaceful place and what does it matter anyway?

I then drive to the pharmacy right around the corner from where I live because hey, I'd better get this infection calmed down or I'm never going to feel better. I have eggs and milk and yogurt and cottage cheese in sacks in the passenger seat, and I hope this doesn't take too long. 

I pull up the lane to the window, and guess what? He is out of my medication. That was when the camel's back could simply take no more. Tears are running down my face as he calls all over town trying to find it. 

Finally he does, which means I'm going to have to drive back the way I had just come, and he will fax the prescription over, he tells me. So off I go again. 

When the camel's back gets broken, there's no telling the outcome. I'm crying and not thinking because I just want to forget the whole awful morning and the pain that came with it. 

So finally I get to the other CVS. I have a card the doctor had given me to help pay for it (if it goes through with my insurance) because "this is going to be very expensive," she told me. "But you really need it." 

They tell me it will take about ten minutes or so, so I sit as still as I can on the fire that has taken over the place where I sit down and stare blindly out the windshield and don't think about a damned thing. 

When all is said and done, the card meant I didn't have to pay a dime. Apparently I might have to next time. But I'm really not thinking very far into the future right now. 

I gratefully, oh so gratefully, thank the pharmacist as though he's just sewn one of my limbs back on for me, and begin the drive home. 

I tell myself to act normal because Abi picks up on the least little thing and then gets sick. But I have found this very calm place now where I think maybe I am lying down in fluffy clouds that are my safety net. My brain's way of seeing that I don't mow anyone down with my car or drive into a wall.

I bring my groceries, just a few sacks, that of course by now have condensation seeping from them, and come in the door. I quickly get my clothes off and a towel under me and here I am now. 

In two weeks I shall go back to that maze of parking lots and offices and find out whatever it was she took biopsies for. I don't think it was for anything dire. Something to do with my tissue or skin or something maybe? Any nurses out there know why I just endured this?

I have already taken the Osphena pill and the generic Diflucan for the infection. I googled Osphena and apparently it helps to repair tissue. I wonder if mine is beyond repair after ten years. But I'll give it a shot.

No, not a shot. I don't want to think about a shot. I'll give it a go.

So I wrote all this for those of you who commented last week when I wrote that post on vulvar vestibulitis that I'd wanted to write about for years, but felt too embarrassed to. What the hey, we need one another. And we need information from one another. We shouldn't have to endure the aging processes of our bodies alone.

Because I went for ten years just sucking it up and living a limited life because doctors simply didn't seem to know what to do. So they threw everything at it and nothing worked.

The burning has calmed a little, but then I came in the door and promptly started digging down underneath the bathroom sink for the hydrocodone I knew I still had from ankle surgery last November. And popped one of those suckers pronto.

I can't say it has helped a whole lot, but at least I'm not shaking anymore and I think the shock of the whole procedure has worn off. 

Would you have waited a few weeks to have this done and taken care of the infection first, as she suggested? Or would you have done like I did and just said do it, do it and get it over with? Because I knew for two weeks I'd be obsessed over what it would be like.

Long post. Long day. Been hurting and burning and itching and having stabbing pains for a very long time now. I don't know if it would have been beneficial if someone had told me that menopause would cause things to happen like brittle bones that are easily broken or tissue that would atrophy.

I don't know if it would have helped or prepared me in any way for what the last ten years has doled out. 

But every time I see that commercial they recently started airing all the time about "we women didn't know that sex could be so painful during menopause," I have to wonder if my ex is seeing those same commercials. And maybe feeling just the least bit bad for telling me it was all in my head.

116 comments

  1. What a horrible experience! I can't believe I read the whole thing because I was starting to ache down there, and I am totally healthy right now. I am reminded of a biopsy thing I had to have at Kaiser which was a total surprise to me. No injections for pain. No pills. Just a mean woman shoving this long rigid straw inside me over and over again, collecting cell samples from every inch of my uterus. After 30 seconds, she scolded me: Breathe! You need to breathe! I then realized I had been holding my breath. Soon the cramping began, but Kaiser makes you deliver your own specimen to their lab 2 stories below. When I got there, I found a sea of people, looking blurry by now. I tossed the package into a door slot, not caring if it was the lab or not. I could barely drive myself home and sped most of the way. I am so sorry you had to go through this. None of us should ever have to.

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    1. Sounds like yours was just as horrid and torturous. Women sure have a lot of crap they have to go through. I think the least men could do to make up for it would be to have something similar happen to them. After all, why is it called men-o-pause?

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  2. Oh lord have mercy that sounds awful!!! Brenda, I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I want you to know that I started Osphena about 3 weeks ago and it's already helping. The instructions say it can take up to three months for full effect. You had a hysterectomy a long time ago! It's no wonder you are in such a state.

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    1. Why on earth hasn't a doctor mentioned this medication to me before???

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    2. My doc said it was originally developed to increase bone density and it's pretty recent that they realized it had the added benefits that you and I want from it.

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  3. Oh my! What a horrible day!!! I am so sorry for what you went through, but you ARE going to feel better soon. ((Hugs))

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    1. Little Penpen, you'd better be right or I might have to hunt you down! Hydrocodone sure does weird things to your brain...

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  4. I cannot even imagine how miserable and scared you are. I would have done it right there, too. You would scare yourself silly. Your doctor sounds pretty good, though. I will pray the medicine helps and that the biopsy rules things out and diagnoses something easily treatable! (hugs)

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    1. Yes, I would have scared myself beyond silly. I would have googled it over and over and looked at photos that would make me want to puke. And I might never have gotten up the nerve to go back.

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  5. ((((((((((Brenda))))))))))

    I'm sure I'm not the only one who wishes she could have been there to hold your hand through the procedure, and to get you home ~

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    1. Yeah, really not too sure how I did all those errands and made it home without having an accident. I guess someone was looking out for me.

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  6. Hun I am so sorry that you had to go through this and I for one had going myself. Once there I would have said the same thing knowing I would have to go back there again if I did not do it right away. Glad it is done and I hope you have some good news when you go back in 2 weeks. ~Hugs~

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    1. What more can she tell me? That I'm a dried up old prune and my parts are falling off? I already know that. I just want something to help ease it some so I can sit again.

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  7. Ouch, ouch, and double ouch! Hopefully this will be the beginning of the healing process for you, Brenda. As painful as the biopsies were, at least this doctor knew to check what she was dealing with before beginning any other treatment. Hugs and prayers sent your way!

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    1. I was very pleased that she knew right what to do. None of the others seemed to have a clue. But then that was years ago and I just gave up on them.

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  8. I'm sorry you had to go through (and still somewhat experiencing) such an awful ordeal. I hope the pain subsides and you get some rest and that the worst is over, at least for the time being. Not sure if you've adddressed this or not, but do you have someone that can go with you next time? It's not safe for you to drive in that condition....putting yourself at risk. I wish I lived close to you so I could help you out. My prayers are with you Brenda....you sure have suffered a lot lately.

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    1. Well, I managed. Worst part has to be over now I'd think.

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  9. Oh no, Brenda...that does sound like a terrible time. I'm glad they have you started on meds. Hope you get feeling better soon!

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  10. Girlfriend, I'm with you, I would have gotten that over with! Like you, I would have stressed to the max waiting to have it done. I'm proud of you for getting it done.

    Mary

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    1. What's one morning up against 10 years of suffering, I tell myself.

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  11. Good grief! I can't imagine the pain.... Fingers crossed - it'll be short lived. I gotta admit, though, you seemed very patient through it all. I may have had to be ugly to somebody (I told the anesthesiologist to "shutup" when I was giving birth. I didn't care what risks were involved... just give me the epidural!). Get some rest, pop another hydrocodone, and maybe a cocktail. LOL!

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    1. Lord, I couldn't drink alcohol. That would be far worse than the iced coffee coming out. I'm still kind of woozy. I called the nurse and asked her pretty please could I just sit in a little water and she said no. Not until it all scabs over. Can you imagine scabs "THERE?"

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  12. Hi Brenda,
    Wow, this sound like a really, really bad day. I hope you can relax with a cup of tea now that your snugged up at your cozy little house. Try not to worry too much about the biopsies; they are usually precautionary. (I know that's not easy, not worrying). Hope your "lady parts" feel a lot better soon!
    Cheryl

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    1. My "lady parts" must have had a short shelf life.

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  13. I think you have great courage for getting through this day and for writing about it. I hope it helps other women facing the same things and I hope you find relief very soon. And until then I hope gentle and distracting moments are many. May one day be better than the last was, over and over until you feel well again.

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  14. I'm going to lie in bed and work online with a gown on, which is what I've been doing the last four weeks, till I no longer feel like I'm on fire, however long that takes.

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  15. Brenda-Well, that was certainly all you needed just now! I am hoping it can be treated and that you can heal completely and wholly. How miserable to have lived with that for so long. I am sorry that you are in the pain you are in. Sending up prayers and good wishes for a good outcome on the biopsy. One thing at a time-one step at a time. You will do this just like you have done everything else-with dogged determination. xo Diana

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    1. Well, it isn't curable. But hopefully, manageable.

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  16. Brenda, I wrote a long comment, and it got eaten by gremlins. So the short version is: I wouldn't have waited, either. If I wait, I tend to chicken out and treat myself--I try, anyway. Your ordeal has reminded me that I am way, way overdue on a health check, and I need to do the brave thing and make the appointment. What you did today was very courageous IMHO. Hope you feel better SOON.

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    1. I know. Blogger has been doing that to me too. Yes, you had better get things taken care of. I've been putting off my mammogram since the first of the year because I don't want to sit in waiting rooms hurting!

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  17. I am on fire just reading this. I cannot imagine. I have had two biopsies of my uterous before my partial hysterectomy. I about came off the exam table. I have never felt such horrific pain. What we women have to go through is just terrible. I cannot believe you can't put an ice pack on the area! I know you don't drink any alcohol, but guess what? I am going to have a cocktail for you and it will have alot of ice. May your lady parts get better FAST!

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    1. I can probably put a wrapped up ice pack on it. I just can't sit in water. Thanks for the idea. I shall get up now and get an ice pack and wrap it up and try that. Because it's after 8 p.m. and I sure am burning. I can feel where those needles went in.

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  18. holee craptoids Batgirl~! you really wen thru hell today.. so sorry and hoping you heal quickly and your pain is a thing of the past.. sounds like you found a doc who knows what she's doing.. thats a blessing for sure.

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    1. I sure am glad I picked up that plastic spray bottle! Sure is coming in handy in the bathroom!

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  19. I can sympathize with you! Have Done the biopsies. Hysterectomy from hell. Bladder was accidentally sliced open. Resulting complications. I think your going to a female gyn is a good idea. It takes guts for all of us girls to survive the whole business! Wishing you some peace, and comfort. Sheila

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    1. You know, once a long time ago with this I went to a male gyno. He was young and befuddled. When he left the room, his nurse said: "I don't know why men even become gynecologists. How can they possibly know how we feel?"

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  20. I hope you feel better soon and find relief from all this pain you've been experiencing. For now, I think you should keep popping those pills so you have some comfort.

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    1. You have to be careful with that hydrocodone. It stops up other areas of the body!

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  21. Oh Brenda... I'm so sorry! Like Laura, I'm going to have a drink for you too. In fact, I need one just because I read this. I can't even imagine. And here I felt bad because I fell on mine and hurt myself. I hope you feel better really soon. Please take care of yourself, my friend.

    Oh and I would have done the same thing. Get it over with already!

    (((hugs)))
    rue

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    1. She was asking me (before prescribing this medication) have you ever had a blood clot, yada yada yada. And at this point I said: "You know, I simply don't care about the damned side effects. I want a chance at quality of life."

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  22. Brenda, I am getting woozy just reading about what you went through. I can't even imagine. I don't know what I'd do in your case. I know if I waited two weeks that I would've worried myself sick and then would probably have done nothing because it's all too scary. I don't know if I'd have the guts to get it done now like you did.

    Wait, I know what I would do. I'd wait,, perhaps not the two weeks, for another appointment and have it prearranged that I be pretty doped up on valium and something I forget to get me so relaxed that I wouldn't be afraid or feel much. I did that when I had to have a breast biopsy. That's not normal procedure but I was such a basket case they knew they had to so something for me. Of course, I had someone with me so driving wasn't an issue.

    What the heck did the doctor do to you to make it turn black?

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    1. I guess the shots, and taking tissue biopsies. That area is about dead as it is. Atrophied and about to blow away like an onion skin. I guess she means trauma to it or bruising. It's in bad shape as it is. So putting needles and whatever she used to cut pieces out of me sure won't make it feel good! I didn't ask cause I didn't want to know!

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  23. Being female is not for sissies! Brenda, I am so sorry you had to go through this but I too would have done it right away. The anticipation is always worse for me then getting it done and over with. I've had awful and so very painful bladder infections where I could not wear anything down there and sat with cool clothes on my lady parts. You have to wait for the biosopy areas to heal and I hope it does so soon. I am one of many who wish there was someone to go with you, but then you didn't know this was going to happen. You are brave my friend.

    Linda

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    1. I'm the same way. I'd have been a basket case in two weeks. I thought: I already am in awful pain. What's some more???

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  24. Sex? What is that? My hysterectomy was 5 years ago. Understand. Hate exams. Hate any probing there! I can't imagine the pain. Bless you my friend.

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    1. She asked me when I last had sex and I said I can't remember and believe you me I won't ever have it again!

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  25. Oh girl! What misery for you! You get the bravery award and then you did errands after?!! Having said that, I would've done the same thing. I'm a nurse at a woman's hospital in Houston. I could not have waited for the second visit, Do it all now while you have me here. You are on two good medications. I hope all of this is short lived and there is a good outcome from your biopsies.

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    1. I hate to go out, so I made myself get through the errands. Besides I had to wait till the prescriptions were filled, and even though I waited two hours, then found out they didn't have it anyway. If I'd gone home and left again, the dogs would have had conniptions! I just can't do that to my pupsters.

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  26. I'm so sorry it was such a horrible day! But, I am glad you went to the doctor and now hopefully have the worst part behind you. Praying for good results from the biopsies for you. I know first hand that those were painful! Maybe once the yeast infection is cleared up that will make a big difference, too. You are a brave woman, Brenda. Take care of yourself and try to get some rest tonight and I hope you wake up in the morning feeling better.

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    1. I think it was Laura who mentioned an ice pack. I have one there now wrapped in a towel, and it's feeling better with that. First time I have had any relief all day, even with the pain pill.

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  27. Wow! I've only just found your blog this last week. You have had such a very miserable experience. You're in my prayers. I do hope your heal quickly and feel better-tomorrow!

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  28. Well, welcome Marsha! I don't talk about private parts every day.

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  29. Brenda, what a traumatic day! You poor thing. After that kind of day, you'll be Wonder Woman when it comes to smaller trials. Praying for a positive outcome on those biopsies, dear one!

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    1. Thank you. As I said, had I known what was coming, don't know that I'd have had the nerve to go.

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  30. Brenda,
    I am so sorry that you have had such a rough day. My prayer for you is to recover quickly, rest well and pain free tonight, wake up feeling positive and refreshed. I know your day was nearly unbearable, thank goodness it is behind you now.
    Sending get well hugs,
    Jemma

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    1. Well, I wish you'd been right. Now it's Wednesday, and my night was pretty bad. Today is bad. But I'm a little afraid to take a second pain pill because it makes it hard to urinate. Why does one thing have to automatically cause something else?

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  31. What misery! soooooooo sorry you had to go through all that Brenda. I wish I lived near so I could have taken you and helped out. Hope all the tests come back with good news

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    1. Well, however they come back, maybe it will lead to the next step toward some relief.

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  32. Oh my goodness, how awful! I was biting my hand while reading your post. I can't even imagine the pain. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I hope that the pain medication and the ice pack help a bit and that you are able to sleep tonight. {{hugs}}

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    1. I awoke every few hours feeling the need to urinate, but I think it was the pain pill that maybe was keeping me from being able to do so. So today I am pain pill free.

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  33. Good Lord, Brenda! I will be sure and say a pray for you, tonight!

    Grace & Peace.

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    1. Well, there's always, always tons of people worse off. That's what I tell myself when times are hard or painful.

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  34. Oh, Brenda! I'm so sorry you've had to go through this today or any day for that matter. I'm with you though, I would have just wanted to get it over with. I had a hysterectomy when I was 35 and now I'm 63! Threw me into the change of life immediately! I hate any kind of female exam and have had some doozies. Had a tee tee operation too, my word for bladder repair. Please take care of yourself and just rest. I think this kind of stuff not just hurts your body but it hurts your feelings, crushes you. I'm so so sorry and pray there will be good results in two weeks. I hope the meds are easing your pain. I'm having sympathy pains for you and I'm burning now!
    Blessings,
    Shelia ;)

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    1. In my twenties, I had several surgeries due to problems with my urinary tract. I remember crying through the pain then. Thank you, Shelia. I don't want you to hurt too!

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  35. I'm so glad you're using the ice pack..that was my first thought. Yowsers.. What a day. Hope that you have some relief soon.

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    1. Thanks. I've seen your fabric lines and love them.

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  36. Hi Brenda. I have been reading your blog for ages but have never commented before. I just wanted to mention that having gone through very similar circumstances that I found letting a fan blow on the area very helpful. perhaps you could give it a try. Pray you get relief and comfort soon and no complications. Linda

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    1. Tried a fan. It dried me out too much and the dryness made the pain worse. But I certainly thank you for telling me and commenting here.

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  37. A hellish day indeed...hope that the pain is subsiding now or gone completely ! Poor Brenda :(

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    1. I wish you were right. But it's been 24 hours and still hurting and burning.

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  38. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  39. Hope your feeling better !! Thought about you most of last night and felt soooo bad. Have to say now , I'm lucky, had a complete hysterectomy at 37 when my son was 4. Now I'm 50, divorced , only dated once in the last 7 year's, won't ever again. Have had no female problem's at all, one year of hormone replacement therapy. My little dog passed, April 1st, my kid's bought me a new Pom puppy, Yogi and that will be my companion for the next 15+ year's.Just know us women out here are feeling for you, can't imagine but we hurt for you. Take care, T

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    1. I'm so sorry you lost your dog. I find that dogs/cats are the most loyal of companions. Well, dogs are loyal. I'm not quite sure what cats are. I guess I'll use the old adage: A cat is a cat and that is that.

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  40. Brenda, I'm new since last week too. Like so many of your readers, I wish I could have gone with you so there would be a familiar face when you came out of that terrible experience. You needed a little TLC, a treat, and some new magazines to come home with! I have severe social anxiety, so going the first time would have used up all my courage. From there, I don't know if I would have insisted on getting the worst over with, or promised to come back later and then backed out. You were SO very brave! I'm sending prayers and wishes for quick healing, and hugs for you and the pups.

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    1. Mary Ann, welcome. I don't know if you've read back far, but I have Aspergers, so I understand social anxiety all too well! Thank you for joining the discussion. At the store I glanced over at the magazines. But they cost so much these days!

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    2. Thank you Brenda. I've believed for a long time I have Asperger's. I think a diagnosis would help explain a lot of things to myself.

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  41. Brenda, I've thought about you all night and I hope you're feeling better this morning. I'm glad you were able to just go ahead and have the biopsies, get them over with and find out sooner what needs to be done. I can't believe you have lived with this for so long. I had a bladder cauterization for ulcerative cyctiitis, many years ago,in the doctor's office and I don't think I've hurt that bad in ages. They didn't do any numbing and litteraly coated my bladder in acid to burn off the ulcers. I was in such pain and so mad that I could have litterally killed the doctor. I never went back to him. I don't know how I managed to get home by myself. Prayer and determination I guess. take it easy and keep on your meds and pain pills. This will change your life for the better, I'm sure.

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    1. What we women go through with our plumbing. Sorry for what you went through. Doctors are sometimes less than compassionate. Heck, THEY don't know how it feels!

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  42. Good God, Brenda. Does it ever end for you? The medical establishment has failed you terribly.

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    1. Maybe this is a trial I'm meant to go through. When I crossed the state line from TX into OK four years ago come August, just after the divorce, I told myself that after what I'd been through, my goal from here on out was to help other women. I hope I do so by writing about these things. Otherwise it's pointless. Readers like pretty photos and projects and so do I, but I also want to possibly help someone with similar problems who has not figured out what is wrong with her.

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  43. I never got this in my inbox. Damn Brenda!! You need some good things coming your way!

    (((Hugs)))

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    1. I know. Wow, it hurts, and it doesn't let up.

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  44. sorry about the unpleasant trip to the doctor. shame on you for waiting this long to see her. Glad you went ahead and got it taken care of, not happy that it was so painful. hope you are feeling better today.

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    1. Not really feeling better today. Maybe tomorrow.

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  45. I have heard that "thrush" (the yeast infection) can be calmed down by applying live yoghurt without any fruit, sugar etc. (and it certainly will not hurt you). I know you have to wait until the biopsy patches have healed, but it is cheap and it's worth asking the gynie lady about this.

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    1. I've done that before. Can't hurt. Not touching anything but water with it now!

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  46. You poor darling, what a horrible experience and all that pain still being around, must be driving you mad**!! Its now 7 minutes past 11 at night in the UK and you will still be in the later hours of the day, but hopefully that icepack will continue to ease the pain and you will be also able to empty your bladder and feel relief.. Its so unfair that females get all these illnesses, and its terribly unfair even more, that it has taken you all those years to even get a handle on it!! We just suffer and get on with it, but if no one could identify it, no wonder you stopped going to find out.. So, dear friend, like all your other blog readers, I am sending you very big warm hugs too, and hope that tomorrow will be a better and less painful day.. all the best J

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    1. After my evening shower, I'll try the ice again. When I take a pain pill (only took the one yesterday) it didn't really help, I just felt groggy, and it was so hard to urinate. I think I spent half the night last night sitting on the toilet.

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  47. Brenda, I a, so sorry this happened to you. Big hugs and prayers sent to you.

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    1. I hope I NEVER have to do anything like that again. Those big needles, that were supposed to deaden it, didn't seem to do a thing.

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  48. Oh Brenda! I hate female problems of any kind and I cannot stand doctors who don't explain what they are doing and why! I hope you are better and not in pain. Hugs!

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    1. She might have explained. She had a foreign accent and I don't know that I caught everything.

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  49. Brenda, I am sending healing thoughts your way. Hope you have a better night.

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    1. Last night was better than the night before, certainly.

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  50. This is exactly why I go to a female Dr. I had a horrible experience when I was young with a male Dr. and that was it for me. It wasn't that he intended to be cruel, at least I hope not, but he had no idea how painful it was. I thought I was going to get sick on the table. Prays you start to feel some relief soon. Thank goodness you met this female Dr. She can relate to other women and not look for reasons to blow off problems.

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    1. I just think, if you don't have the same apparatus, you can't possibly know how it feels.

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  51. Oh Brenda, that had to be horrid. I am so glad that you went ahead and let them do it. Maybe the biopsies will just help them be able to treat you. I have had a share of pain in that area. Episotemys gone bad, a vaginal hysterectomy, bladder surgery and rectal repair, and of course my cancer had to be in the groin. It is awful. I can't even imagine how awful this was. I am praying that this will help you. I am shocked they let you leave in that condition. Shocked you did all that you did. Glad you are home and have at least a little bit of food. I wish that I was closer to help as well. Do whatever it takes to be comfortable. Hugs

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    1. I do think I was in shock, and therefore just went through the motions.

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  52. Brenda,
    I'm sorry that you are having such a hard and painful time. My prayers are with you. I hope that you will be free from pain soon and that your biopsy results will be benign.
    Sincerely,

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    1. I just hope they figure out a way to give me some relief!

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  53. Brenda, I am so sorry you have been dealing with this. What an awful day, I hope the biopsies come back with a good report and the meds work to help you in the days ahead.
    Prayers for you.
    CM

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    1. I kind of wished I'd had someone's hand to hold instead of biting on my own!

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  54. I'm sorry for what you had to go through, Brenda. I hope after all the pain subsides, you feel better than you have in a long while.

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  55. I'm so sorry, Brenda. Thank you for sharing, though. Prayers for you, Kind Lady.

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  56. OMG Brenda..I don't know how I missed this..I am about in tears just reading what you went through and are still going through..Bless your heart and please let us know how you are doing with this..

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  57. I started crying when I read this, Brenda. I probably would have done what you did and went ahead and had it done. I hope the medication helps you, sweet friend. You are in my thoughts and prayers. xo Laura

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  58. Ridiculous really, Women go through enough in that region. I always thought going to a female gynecologist was easier but I had an experience with one that I too won't forget .I hope your feeling a little better today .
    Hugs
    Rosemary

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  59. ((((Brenda)))))
    I am SO sorry you lived that nightmare! You were brave and patient and I pray you are feeling better today! I cannot even imagine!! And, like you, I feel exactly the same way about florescent lights! They trigger auras in me - so not good. Please know I am thinking of you and praying that all will heal and you won't ever have to go through that again!!!

    Love,
    Kim

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  60. Brenda, I am so sorry you are having to go through all of this. I do hope that the doctor comes back to you with some good news since you have had to endure this hell! I wish I were closer to help you -- run errands, get your meds, punch Tony in the nose...whatever needed to be done while you heal. Please take care and know that we are thinking about you and wishing a speedy recovery! Hugs!!

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  61. That sounds awful but you were very brave to have it done! Keep taking the Ibuprofen it is an anti-inflammatory and should help along with the ice pack. A vaginal infection will make you super uncomfortable to begin with and on top of vestibulitis it is a double whammy! I think you will feel much better tomorrow.

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  62. I flatly refuse to see a male OB/GYN any more. Sorry you are having such trouble. No fun at all.

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  63. This sounds horrible. I am new here so I have to find your previous post re: this issue.
    Ugh...
    I hope everything turns out OK. I would have done what you did and got it over with.
    I wish you well.
    m

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  64. I'm so sorry I missed this post, Brenda. I would have done exactly what you did or never gone back. You are an incredibly brave woman.

    ((Hugs))

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  65. to answer your question, I would've done exactly what you did. Better to get it over and gone on. Hoping your recovery will be quick. Your thoughtfulness of your dogs is commendable.

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