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  1. How lucky you are to be “different”. Be grateful every day for who you are.
    I love my own company and am my own best friend. You have an artist’s soul which is often “different”. Celebrate.
    One year at Thanksgiving the radio announcer said ” be grateful for those who are in your life and for those who aren’t ”
    Wow, I loved that. Think about it. I have heard horror stories about family get togethers and I feel so blessed that my environment is peaceful. No thank you, I love my space.

  2. I think all of us struggle at times feeling like we don't fit in…I'm sorry that your relationship with your daughters is distant. I hope that you are still able to see little Andrew and be a part of his life.

  3. Brenda, you have a gift for communicating with your words. I am amazed by your ability to put your thoughts into words. When you said "At the end of the day, we are simply who we are.", that hit home with me. Your thoughts are powerful and you are bring awareness to all of your readers for sure. Each reader who takes something good away from your blog makes the world a better place. Thank you for sharing your heartfelt thoughts.

  4. My mom thinks my younger brother (29YO) has Asperger's. He's been on medication before for depression. He recently moved back in with my parents and spends his days locked in his room listening to music. My dad has less sympathy–and I'll admit, so have I– for him and thinks he's wanting to relive his college days. Basically, he thinks he is lazy.

    But when I talk to my mom, I notice how eerily similar she and my brother are, in their outlook of others and how they think others perceive them. They complain frequently how the majority of people are too stupid to converse with them or be in their presence (and then that just pisses me off because it seems condescending to me)…but then they'll go back and admit that their inability to "adapt" to acceptable modes of behavior or conversation is what alienates them from others. It's almost like a badge of honor for my mom to say how many enemies she's made throughout her life, because she has said the "wrong thing" out loud to them. Both a badge of a honor and yet a lament when I hear her talk.
    Brenda–I can understand this because I used to be more like them to a lesser degree; it wasn't until I started working and being out in the "real world" after college that I realized I have to get along with all sorts of people; but it doesn't mean they all have to be my best friend. I don't have a whole lot of good friends. My husband is probably my best friend, and I'm grateful I found him. I have two pups like yours, too. Dogs are so noble and loyal.
    I feel for you when you talk about your two daughters. I admit I kind of feel for them, too, because my own mother was a little like you are. I never understood why she never wanted to go on trips with my dad and us when we were younger (and if she did, she made us all miserable). Even this weekend, my father is at my cousin's wedding sans my mother because she doesn't want to socialize with anyone. I asked her why she couldn't simply see it as a fun road trip and spend some time at the beach with family. She claimed she has nothing in common with my dad's family and would rather stay isolated. I guess I worry how it makes her look and sometimes wished she would just "suck it up" in situations like that. But she is almost 67. She won't change. I guess it's good my dad recognizes that and leaves her be.
    Anyway! A lot here that I can identify with. It seems like a lot of your followers "get" you and so do I. I hope your daughters come around soon and can recognize that now they are adults and should be able to have more sympathy and compassion for their mother. It can go both ways sometimes.

  5. I can fit into some of the descriptions, but I think my experience is because of environment, that is, a dysfunctional family. My parents were good in many ways, but both were children of alcoholics and both were emotionally scarred from their childhoods. My upbringing was shame based, meaning my siblings and I were made to feel guilty if we didn't appreciate what our parents did for us to the level they deemed appropriate. We were often told of how they were making sure we had what they didn't have as children, and we should be ashamed for not being grateful. I became such a people pleaser. As long as others were happy I felt relief. But when I tried to spread my wings I got my feathers yanked. So I kept trying to stay in line like a goose. My first husband also was the child of an alcohol and I experienced the same thing. That marriage really warped me and that's when I began to really develop some asbergian like behaviors. I really think my tendencies are environmental, but I do learn a lot from your writing on asbergers. It helps me too.

  6. So. very. interesting. I think there is an odd duck in us all – one way or another – we all have an issue or two. I'm very similar to you. I would MUCH rather be at home in my comfort zone with my little one, than out socializing, any day.

  7. I understand what your saying. I'm a a faithful reader because I admire your endurance. I have to say I think of your daughters and pray for their strength. I didn't have a mother that was there to support me when I needed it. She had her issues. It's a difficult road for the child that has to take up the role of an adult parenting the parent.. We only get one life. Peace to you and your daughters.

  8. Brenda,
    Know this for certain, your gaggle of geese here and now are part of your group.
    We admire and respect the woman you are and all that you offer to so many others.
    xo
    Jemma

  9. I lost my comment so if it magically appears I may be repeating myself.

    I've been called a black sheep in my family so I know I'd probably qualify as an odd duck as well. I guess it's something we learn with age and wisdom–that we can't judge or define ourselves by what others think. Yes, you have Asperger's but just as you are honest and to the point on your blog, can you be that way with friends and strangers? Maybe you won't seem so "odd" once people know what you are dealing with day to day.

    I applaud you for getting out to do your errands, shopping and visiting the doctor, vet and your daughter and grandson. Keep pushing yourself. We all breathe a sigh of relief when we walk in the door at the end of the day. Mentally it's more than a shelter for you but I know you are a smart, beautiful, vital person and I that you will find your way through this.

    Hugs,

    Jane x

  10. Masterfully written, Brenda. This essay really hit home. I haven't been to a Mall in decades, and I count that as a victory. OTOH, I haven't set foot in a Homegoods, but I'd love to go someday–it's on my bucket list. Just yesterday, thousands of frogs hopped out of my mouth. Even as I talked (yelled), I knew I was making a scene, but I'd had it up toHERE with my DH, so those frogs kept a-hoppin'.

  11. Brenda, if you were a goose you would know better than to walk in the middle of a busy street! You are so smart and I admire you for a lot of reasons. You take responsibility for yourself even though you have had a lot to deal with in your life. You should give yourself a lot more credit than you do!!

  12. Brenda, you explain so much of how you are and who you are and who you were as a mom…. I just hope and pray that your daughters are reading your blog. I would encourage them to do so.. even if you write them a letter to make that request of them, as your writing is very clear and precise, and you explain very clearly what it was like when you were a child and then a mother.. and now….. so I hope so much that they will read your posts having to do with Aspergers.

  13. You are a COOL DUCK ! So talented and creative and HELPFUL.. my friend from college days has a child in the same situation as Deb's daughter. I'm going to send them here to read this. So sweet, and extremely (beyond just slightly shy) shy! Happy weekend to you and the pups ox

  14. I wonder sometimes if I am somewhat like you. Maybe to not the degree when I was younger but now that I am retired I feel out of place nearly every where. When I was in charge I could cope better but being a follower does not seem to work for me because I don't know how. I have friends that go away too. No word at all as to why. I miss them off and on through life. My life is very busy right now. My dog passed about a year ago and someday I might get another dog for company as I enjoyed both my dogs over the long haul more than people. Other than my daughter who is a lot like me although processes things better than I do. We get along great and I am very thankful for her. Now, I am tucked in my home and make myself go out for something about 5 times a week. Seems maybe if I keep trying it will get better. Unsure about that really. I hope things improve for you quickly and you find good times coming up. Also….just to throw this out there. Our times have changed. People in general are more selfish, they only want to talk about them selves they even drive the car with their own rules so maybe the world changing has made us feel even more like introverts. Blessing to you as you go through each day. Beautiful pictures….I just love them and have used many of your ideas.

  15. funny…..I am desperately trying to teach my children to be different and to dance to the beat of another drum….how boring would like be if we all were alike. I like different and I like visiting you and your blog!

  16. Remember the tale by Hans Christian Andersen "The Ugly Duckling"? To many of your readers, you are a swan.

  17. I feel a bit like you describe…I think we all must. Home is my very favorite place to be. It's where I feel the most at peace. And, speaking of awkward social things, I read a comment of yours on another blog regarding ants and peonies. The ants are needed to open the blooms. So, if there are no ants you will not get the beautiful flowers. A bit like people I suppose. We each have our way of being needed.

  18. Brenda, you express yourself so well in words. I truly am learning so much from you. I know life is hard for you and you do experience much loss of friends and family, but many of us admire you and support your sharing things with us. I found the Aspergers Traits for Women fascinating and realize even more how hard it is to navigate this world for you and others like you.

    Linda

  19. My 15 year-old girl, Laura, has high-anxiety along with chronic pain and sleep issues. Several weeks back, when we were just talking, she told me how her brain functions. While our alarm goes off and we get out of bed, go do our morning bathroom routine and then eat breakfast, get dressed and start our day, her brain does not do those things 'normal'. Each action has a long list added to it. Example: Open eye. Mentally check each body part, making sure it is okay. Roll over, but which way? Which foot do I put down first? Why? Put foot down, put other foot down, etc. Every movement, every breathe is thought about. By the time she opens her bedroom door, she's already overwhelmed for the day. She says she doesn't ever remember not doing this and she always thought everyone did this. When she started public school, which was 8th grade, her anxiety became worse. By this last year, which was her Sophomore year in high school, she had to stay home and do school on-line. She is starting to see a therapist this next week. I guess what I would like to know, if it is not too personal, is this sort of what you go through? I never thought about her maybe having Aspbergers until you shared with us and then I read that article you gave the link for. She does a lot of those things. Anyway, I know you aren't a professional, I just would like your thoughts on it. Thank you for all the topics you have always covered. You help so many people, you know.

    1. Why don't you have her read the link in this post, or you read it to her. Ask her if she feels like that. Break it up into small paragraphs. Because it is hard for us to answer questions that are long because we forget the beginning once we reach the end. If she says she feels like that, Google Aspergers test. There are several online. I took one before I had my actual test, and many of the questions were the same. But there were just a lot more questions at the actual test + the other tests I was given. I would have emailed you, but you have a no-reply address. Good luck and let me know.

    2. Oh, I forgot something. No, I don't question the same things she does. But every Aspergian has different symptoms and ways of processing information and the minutia of life. I'd definitely get her to someone though.

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