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Brenda has been writing since grade school. She attended journalism school where she majored in professional writing. She loves to decorate, garden, read and spend time with her Yorkies.

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Lost Somewhere In Translation


Yesterday was stressful. If I account for my day, you'll think: I don't see what's so stressful about that. 

But you don't have Aspergers. 


If you have anyone in your life with autism, perhaps their actions confuse and sometimes anger you. Maybe they cannot explain their actions to you. 

So I'm going to try to explain for them so maybe you can sometimes give them some slack.



My daughter's been on me to see if I'm on the Section 8 housing voucher rolls here. I didn't know if I was or wasn't. Many things just do not stick around in my brain. And the whole thing confuses me so I avoid it. 

Though now, as of the last 9 months, I am well within the financial guidelines to qualify. So yeah, time to get on it.

My daughter fears that my ex will die. Thus I will lose my portion of his state annuity, and I will no longer be able to live here. Or much of anywhere. So she knows time is of the essence.  

(I emailed him last week and asked if he was able to get the defibrillator put in that he needed over a year ago. He emailed back  that he has been out of work, so doesn't have the necessary health insurance in order to have the operation.)


I email the Section 8 people. Someone calls me back. She explains what I need to do. And no, I'm not on the list. And she goes on to inform me that the waiting list is 12-36 months, so I shouldn't delay. 

Okay, so I get online and start filling it out. 

Except there are questions that don't have ironclad answers. Yet, I must type something in the little boxes that will be accepted. And therein lies the problem. 

I somehow messed up, and it wouldn't let me go back. After some initial panic, I thought: Well, I'll just go out of the system and come back in again and start all over. 

Except the system that takes your application seemed to have me on file since I'd already typed in some of the application, and it would not let me start over.  

So I can't get my application submitted, because it somehow lacks the appropriate answers, and it won't let me change anything. I find myself getting hot all over, sweating, and my heart is pounding. 

I go back over it, reading very slowly, and try to figure out what I've done wrong. I submit it again, and it tells me it's still inaccurate and it can't be submitted. 

I do this over and over again, my patience thinning like a pulled fraying rope.



Yes, I know it is a mere online application, not a roaming bear about to jump through the window. But it might as well be.  

You see, it might as well be.

It is nearing 5 p.m., and I've been at this much of the day. I can't fix it. I can't start over. I feel stuck. Overwhelmed. About to cry. 

I remember reading a book a few months ago about a little boy about 6 years old who happened to be autistic. He had an imaginary friend, and the friend would say: "He just gets stuck and can't get unstuck." 

Sometimes I appear snappish, like a dog that has been prodded by a child one time too many.

I get stuck. And I have no imaginary friend to aid me in getting unstuck. Which is why I stay home and don't veer out into the world much. I have a much better chance of controlling the environment within the confines of this apartment. 

Unless of course I have to fill out a form that won't let me change things and won't let me submit. And now I'm truly stuck. 

Sounds and smells and sights compound together and enter your brain too rapidly to be sorted out. Which is sensory overload.



This is the life of someone with Asperger's Syndrome. 

Yes, there are areas where I am high-functioning. When left alone in peace and relative quiet, and there are no unforgiving confusing forms to be filled out.


Tuesday after my daughter took me to lunch, I stopped to grab a few things at the grocery store on my way home. My ankle is still getting better. And if I have the good sense to not overdo, then I do relatively well. So I figure I can just get a few things and go home. 

Milk, yogurt, bread, this and that. I go to the front to check out. I see that no one is in the express lane. Is it okay if I go through the express lane, I ask myself? 

Well, I don't know. You can only have so many items. But does my clear sack of five apples count as one thing, or five things? I stand there and think about it as people go around me. 

I am very literal and things are either black or they're white. And doing the exact right thing is imperative, you see. Because rules are what guide people like me, since we often can't operate in the realm of what is considered gray areas.

Finally I just go to a regular check out lane and start putting my things on the conveyor belt. I am already confused, as my brain is still stuck on the apple dilemma and I can't shut it off. It sticks in my brain like chewed gum stuck to the bottom of my shoe.

So while the clerk is talking to me, I can't focus. Every sound around me seems to enter into and invade my mental space.

I reach into my wallet and take out my debit card. I always get mixed up on which way to slide it. 

I can hear a child somewhere in the store, and various people are chatting on their phones. And a woman is passing by asking two boys trailing behind her what kind of waffles they want.

I hear her mention that it would be good if they were on sale. 

..."Let's see, I think it's on the next aisle. The waffles you two like. Oh, and we need..."

My brain follows her entire conversation even though it is meaningless to me. Once it drifts into my zone it is stuck there. Like a connection I can't cut off. Like the gum on the bottom of my shoe.



All of these things are leaking inside the barrier of my focus. So sensory overload is often the result. 

After I manage to get the debit card through and push all the appropriate buttons and put it away, the clerk tells me something happened and I must do it all over again. I hear this amidst all the other sounds coming from all directions around me.

Do any of you recall when a person tallied up your purchases, you gave them a check or cash, and the whole event was over? So much simpler then...

By now I'm certain that invisible fire is coming out of my head in a cartoon-ish manner. No one can see it. I am just some woman standing in the grocery store check-out looking a tad befuddled. 

Little explosions are going off in my brain. Invisible fuses have been tripped. 

And if I hear one more person say: "But she seems so intelligent," I think I will implode.

I hate I hate I hate to be looked at. So I simply cannot burst into tears of frustration right here in this grocery store. Vis-a-vis a meltdown of sorts. For then without doubt people will look at me. 

What I really want when I'm out is to be invisible, so I won't be judged, should I act or respond in any way that could be considered different or strange when sudden sounds assault my senses.

(Something else: Don't be bothered if someone with autism won't look you in the eye. I am uncomfortable with eye contact, for it seems to somehow violate my comfort zone. Like there is an invisible line drawn around my person. And if someone steps inside that line, I am upset.)

By the time I get back to the apartment, I am utterly exhausted. I need several days of quiet and nothing untoward happening any time soon. 

But then the Section 8 Housing application thing comes into play. I haven't gotten my brain unscrambled from all the over-stimulation of yesterday.

I finally just closed it down. I was beyond thinking through it. Tomorrow is another day. 

Tomorrow I will still have Aspergers.

(Update: This morning I logged back on to the Section 8 Housing site. And miraculously my old form that would not go away yesterday had disappeared, and I could start over. The form finally went through successfully, and I breathed a deep sigh of relief. Today, disaster averted.)

Cozy Little House
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55 comments:

  1. I work as a volunteer with a charity in my town. There is an alliance meeting quarterly between all agencies. The Section 8 wait list is a worst case scenario. You can move up the list more quickly. When a voucher becomes available, the person has a limited time to find housing that is open and will accept the voucher. Sometimes the person is no longer living in the area. Sometimes the person's circumstances have changed, Sometimes the person has already found alternate housing. All these cases will move you up the list. Also, sometimes the government finds some excess funds (wouldn't that be nice for all of us!). If the wait list is above what they consider acceptable, the agency will receive a surprise grant and move the list along more quickly.

    The key is to be ready. Familiarize yourself with any and all housing in your area that qualifies for Section 8. And maybe the complex where you reside is already Section 8 sanctioned. Keep an eye out for how much they require for a security deposit. In our state, the renter needs to come up with their own security deposit. You could try to save for it, you might be able to find churches or other agencies that assist with this or maybe find complexes that only require a small security deposit (there is one in our area that is $99). When you get the voucher, you will have limited time so you need to get your ducks in a row. It doesn't happen overnight, so it is something you can work on a little bit at a time when you have the energy.

    Meanwhile, you are not alone. I have experienced a severe shock about a year ago and have been diagnosed with anxiety. I really think it is post traumatic stress, but since I cannot be honest with my physician, we will call it anxiety. I was very active in my church. Every Sunday, I cannot function. I fully intend to attend services, but I cannot manage to shower, dress, etc in time to attend even the latest service. My weekends are a waste as I spend all day Saturday worrying about it. My biggest fear is that someone will hug me. When I run into people from my church, they start gushing and I cannot stand that either. I think I will explode if someone touches me.

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    1. If this is causing you to stop normal activity, then it is negatively impacting your life. And you need to talk to a professional about it. Because I can tell you right now, it will likely only get worse. And the more you isolate, as I can account to you personally, the harder it will be to go out that door. I worry the whole day before I know I need to go out and run errands. Without medication, I don't think I could cope.

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  2. I don't have a diagnosis of Aspergers/Autism......but I do have a diagnosis that shares many of your traits. If left to my own devices, I do just fine - thank you very much. It's only when strange places/people/situations come about that I find myself in trouble. I grocery shop once every 3-4 weeks (I'd go longer if I could) because I find grocery stores to be the most stressful to me - too much noise (PA announcements, employees calling to each other, other shoppers chattering, babies screaming, etc) and too many things to look at and decide what I want. I've found a trick that helps me a bit and may help you too. I have a pair of earbuds (cheap things - I think I paid about $3.00 for them) that I plug in my ears and put the other end in my front jeans pocket. It's not actually connected to anything - but nobody else knows that. The earbuds give me just enough sound blocking that much of what distracts me is muffled to an acceptable level. And, because no sound is actually going through them, you can still hear enough to be aware if there's an emergency situation in the area around you. It's a little thing but it makes a world of difference for me.

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    1. I think that is a great idea for many of us. There is so much noise in the world. If you are retired and live alone in a quiet environment all the outside noise can be quiet aggravating. I have a little cheap MP3 player on which I have uploaded old music I like off Amazon. Going to the doctor or other locations were I have to wait often set me off. When it does, I can pull out the MP3. I can see that the empty headphones would also help in certain noisy situations.

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    2. This is a wonderful idea. I use my headphones a lot for music on my phone. I find Native American music to be so relaxing and believe me it has saved me many times. I am going to try using my headphones and music the next time I go grocery shopping. All of the noises in grocery stores and just about any other store are too much stimulation and just put me on edge. Thanks for sharing.

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    3. I have an 25 yr old son with Aspergers and he never leaves the house without his ipod... we got him one years ago and it has been a Godsend... it enables him to block out lots fo the noise that would otherwise cause him sensory overload. He hears things and smells thing that I am either totally or only vaguely aware of but I know they cause him distress and I'm glad he can manage better this way. Maxine idea of havng the earbuds but not connecting them to a device is wonderful. Take care Brends... sending virtual hugs!

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    4. Good ideas, all of you! Carol, when I was younger, I could handle music. But I haven't turned on a radio or had a stereo or whatever they call them now for years. I need white noise or silence. The world has become overwhelmingly loud in this technological age. And for people with Asperger's, it can become a chain reaction to never wanting to open your door and go out. Maxine, I order everything I can through Walmart.com. If you buy $50 worth, the shipping is free. I place a fairly big order once a month and get everything that is not perishable this way, and it comes right to my door.

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    5. Brenda, thanks to your idea of ordering from Walmart.com I have been ordering for a year now. It is so great. I buy most remaining items at a smallish grocery store. If you go early in the morning the store is almost empty.
      Praying that you find safe, quiet housing.

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  3. Glad you finally were able to get that application sent through. That's the kind of thing that really sets me off the edge, too - I always say, "What was wrong with paper? With paper you could always pick it back up, flip it over, read any part you wanted!" But no we're all on computers now. And sometimes computers can truly send you into a pure panic. I'm glad for Miss Merry's information above, that sounds encouraging. And as always, your pictures are beautiful.

    Mary

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    1. I miss paper, Mary. I miss being able to turn my pencil around and use the eraser when I've made a mistake. Instead you type information into these darned forms and if you make a mistake, you must keep going over it and over it. It plunges me into despair quickly when I can't figure out what they want of me. I want a person to ask!

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  4. I understand that these things are upsetting to you. But, I think that section 8 application would be upsetting to anyone. There should be someone to help people through that. I hate filling out dr. Forms online and getting to those questions where you must choose, but none of the options fit.

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    1. I had to call my daughter at work for help, which I almost never do. She emailed today that she was trying to find someone who could hold my hand (no, sorry, can't stand touch) and walk me through all this stuff. Why aren't there social workers or advocates for this sort of thing? My daughter decided very quickly that she did not have the time or the patience to deal with explaining simple things to me. Now you can probably figure out why my oldest daughter won't even talk to me.

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    2. Shame on them. Brenda, do you have any senior community centers where you are? They have people that will help you fill out forms, apply for different types of aid, etc. Also, I know you don't like to be around people, but for some it is a God-send. They have exercise classes, arts and crafts, puzzles to work, and other activities. Also, although I'm still working full time and will be 69 in September, I hope to retire soon. I don't know how much you can or can't afford housing, but there are low-income apartments for people over 55 being built all over. A one bedroom may only cost around or less than $500.00. You might check on that. Good luck, and God bless you.

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  5. Brenda, I'm glad the form finally worked for you. It's too bad it gave you such a bad time previously. I can surely relate to how panicky it is to be trying to do something so important and have it not work and it seems like nothing can fix it and there's no one around to help. I've actually been on the verge of vomiting I've been so upset.

    I don't know if you are an early riser or able to get yourself ready fast enough to leave the house early in the morning (I used to be but not any more) but I bet shopping would a lot less stressful then. I know you had no choice that day as you were out with your daughter in this instance.

    I used to go to the store right after I brought my daughter to school and the store would be almost empty. It was so nice. Now I go in the afternoon and it's a lot more crowded and hectic.

    I like Maxine's earbud idea.

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    1. I like Maxine's idea too. As I order most of what I need from Walmart.com, that means I only need perishables from the store. And I am a morning person. And I get up and go!

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  6. Good for you getting the Section 8 filled out. I have also been stuck in that online limbo -signing up for Obama care for one. Glad you got through it finally. I think the headphone suggestion from Maxine would help. Just plug 'em in and get part of the noise shut out. Earplugs are also affordable but earphones look more socially acceptable. Don't care, then get the earplugs and do a test run just to see. I find test runs often work for me in situations that might be overwhelming for different reasons.

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    1. Test runs are good. Abi actually knows the day before if I'm going to go out the next day. She must sense the tension in me. And she watches me like a hawk. As soon as I go anywhere near the door, she goes into a high-pitched wail.

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  7. I commented earlier and it didn't post. So I'm sorry if this is a repeat.

    "What I really want when I'm out is to be invisible, so I won't be judged, should I act or respond in any way that could be considered different or strange when sudden sounds assault my senses."

    Brenda, my heart aches for you. I honestly and completely understand your words above as I feel the exact same way. Your description of what occurs for you with all the activity and noises around you are exactly the same for me. It may not happen every time that I go out to the store but on an average it happens at least a few times each month. I don't have your diagnosis but other health issues that cause the same symptoms.

    I don't understand why society today as a whole has to be so judgmental of everyone. I am judged all of the time because I don't act as others believe that I should. We all have something going on in our lives. It could be health issues or stress from a troubled child or stress from being a care giver - the lists could go on and on. Is it really so difficult for people to just be kind and not judgmental?

    I would never wish my lifestyle and difficulties on anyone, not even my worst enemy. But I deserve to be treated with kindness and respect even when someone may not feel as I'm acting the "norm". WE all deserve to be treated as such. And we all deserve to not be judged. Period.

    I'm so glad that you were able to submit your application. I pray that this is the step towards what may be a solution for your life at this time.

    Blessings to you and the Babies,
    Belinda

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    1. Well, I surely feel for you! There are times when I can go do an errand and be relatively calm. But it's kind of like accidentally bumping into the apples or oranges in the produce aisle. One falls, then a domino affect occurs. And before long, I can't tolerate one more thing. Meltdown sometimes follows. We avert our eyes when we see someone who is obviously handicapped. But some people can't understand that if you look halfway normal, then your actions will naturally follow as normal. I've had people say: "But you look normal."

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  8. Brenda I would consider a person to be highly abnormal that wasn't extremely frustrated and ready to blow over the online application situation so I can only imagine how much worse it was for you :(

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    1. My daughter will talk very slowly when I'm obviously not getting it, but I'm far from deaf. I know that is the natural response. She says everyone has to do things like this. She doesn't mean anything negative by it, but I immediately feel chastised and judged. Because I am sensitive about my inability to do "normal" things successfully.

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    2. I wish your daughters would read your blog everyday. Maybe if they could understand the pain you go through just to do the small things and the big things look like mountains - they would become kinder people. You really need to find someone - like a ministry that could help you either over the phone or come to your home to help you. Check with the United Way, churches in your area and other charities. If you had someone to call when you are "stuck", after a while your daughters would realize you are not calling them and maybe they will get themselves "unstuck" from they own self-absorbance.

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  9. In my experience, anything run by the government is more complicated, takes more paperwork, and is less efficient. I do understand about being out in public and all the noises coming at you when you're trying to focus on something as 'simple' as writing a check or sliding a credit card. I am glad you got the form to work after all. So many of the things you talked about in this post resonate with me. As far as everything we do now being digital, I think our whole system is vulnerable to cyber attack and then all our technology will get us nowhere.

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    1. Last week I got a letter stating that I would no longer be able to use my debit card at the drive-through pharmacy. I immediately felt panic. Going through the drive-through pharmacy is a life saver. I don't have to hear a bunch of people chattering on cell phones in the store or calls coming in or exasperated customers. It is because people are somehow taking advantage. I'm not smart enough to know how. Luckily, I can call the bank before I go and they can somehow fix it where I can use my debit card at the window, as I did today. This kind of crime just makes life so much harder.

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    2. For security's sake, you should not use your debit card at grocery stores or pharmacies. If it gets hacke, they will clear out your checking account!

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    3. Brenda, I would suggest using your credit card for Everything you purchase, provided you can pay the bill in full at the end of the month (to avoid paying any interest). Most credit cards allow recourse against any charges you believe to be incorrect, for whatever reason. Important to keep your receipts in case anything needs to be returned or exchanged, and check the credit card bill carefully when it comes in. I use debit card only to acquire cash and write a check maybe once every 4-6 months to people who, amazingly, still do not accept credit cards.

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    4. You can use your debit card as a credit card. Its actually much safer. When they ask debit or credit, say credit, then swipe your debit card. You may have to sign, but no pin number is necessary. The store then, does not have your pin number. It comes out of the same account as your debit does. Also if you have been declined on your debit card, it is because you may have used it too many times and the bank is suspicious of fraud. If you ate declined, ask to run the debit card as a credit and it will go through.

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  10. While I don't have Aspergers, I worked for over 30 years with children who did. They ranged from 1st grade to high school seniors. The social anxiety component causes the most stress. It is so sad because so many are truly gifted in other ways. My suggestion for the grocery store is to plan your trips before 10 in the morning. The stores are less crowded and quieter then.

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    1. I often go to the Braum's Market, which just has a few aisles. Or I will go before 9 a.m. No way would I even attempt to go after 10 a.m. or on weekends. In fact I just don't go out on weekends except to see Andrew, as it's the only time I can see him.

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  11. I didn't read all the comments, so I'm not sure if anyone else has suggested it, but if there is an Americans with Disabilities in your area, contact them. They have a wealth of information, and are up on the Americans with Disabilities laws. There is a lot of help out there for you. Love and hugs.

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    1. No, no one mentioned it. Thanks. I will check it out for sure!

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  12. Brenda, this is the best, most vivid description I have ever read ANYWHERE--I wish everyone could read it and take it to heart. Love, Mary Ann

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    1. When I wrote this, I thought: why would anyone want to actually read this? I almost hit Delete. Then I remembered that there are so many others out there. And many don't possess the ability to write it out in a way that makes sense. Words for me are what numbers were for The Rain Man.

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  13. I have many of these same difficulties. When I was in grad school, I used earplugs during test taking. It helped me tremendously. Another thing I do is shop very early in the morning. Regrettably, if I am unable to rise early enough on the morning I have decided to shop, I just do not go and sometimes have to wait an entire week before another opportunity arises. I am very fortunate that my job is on my computer and I work from home or I really think I probably would not be able to hold down a job. I feel the majority of my "symptoms" or "difficulties" were exacerbated by menopause. At the very least they seemed to escalate at about the same time I was going through it.

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    1. Sandy, I think you may be right. I know I wasn't quite this difficult before menopause. I have told the psychiatrist that if I lose all my income and become homeless, I will have to kill myself. Because the mere thought of not having a safe haven to get away from the noise sends me into a panic. Hope I outlive the pupsters.

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  14. since 2012 , diagnosed with severe anxiety, I've learned to make careful choices about being out of the house.

    I either go first thing in the morning or not at all and that includes doc appointments or anything like that.. Its almost like I have a 2 hour limit:) if it doesn't happen "OUT THERE" before 11 am- it aint happenin' lol. Even though its been a few years I still remember the ME that was out in the world , often from 7 am till midnight. she must have died and left the new ME in her place ..
    glad you got the application in and do heed the wisdom of your commenters as to seeking out sec 8 places and as Junque said- the American disabilities group.. there's lots of help and reaching out for it will make life much better for you..

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    1. Yet I can't get a doctor to write "disabled" on my medical chart. Too many individuals are on government disability, and at least here they are very reluctant to put that in someone's chart. And they told me it's because there's too many out there on lifelong disability. Therefore, I have to figure something else out. A reader actually called me a liar when I told her I can't get disability. So if you're that person, please don't comment.

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    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  15. Yea for going back and trying the form again! Whoohoo!

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    1. I figured I'd better get up and tackle that thing first thing in the morning instead of having it loom ahead of me! And I can think more clearly in the morning.

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  16. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  17. Brenda, have you applied for social security disability? Even if you are not at social security age, your condition should qualify you.

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    1. Talked to an attorney. They said I pay taxes on blogging. So blogging is considered my job. And as long as I can blog, I can't be considered disabled.

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  18. I'm so sorry you went through that alone Brenda. I really wish someone was there to help you more. I'm glad the paperwork went through though.

    I have social anxiety and I'm OCD. I only go to stores I'm familiar with and to go to a new one throws me into a complete panic. I also try to avoid crowds, because I feel like everyone is judging me. It's no fun, that's for sure.

    (((hugs)))
    rue

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  19. Check to see if there is a Keritas group in your area. It's a charitable organization that helps people that can't meet their bills temporarily. They might pay one months rent or more.

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  20. Bless you for sharing your heart and your life.

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  21. I don't have Asperbergers, but I have moderate-severe anxiety and experience a lot of the same symptoms you do. Big grocery stores are overwhelming to me (one reason I like Trader Joes is that it's small and quieter)...like someone mentioned above, I wear earplugs that attach to my phone. Sometimes I listen to soft music; other times nothing - but again, no one knows that and it cuts down on the noise in the store a bit. Being out in public running errands exhausts me. And I feel your frustration with those online forms, too. I've always been a high-anxiety person, but ever since my son died, it's worse. I need a lot of peace, quiet, and calmness in my life. Don't always get it, but it's something I work on and strive for.

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  22. I love you and it breaks my heart that you must endure so much of your life in such confusion. I am also so ashamed that we live in a society where differences in individual's personalities call for continued ill treatment and cutting stares from people everywhere. I don't have Asberger's. I have severe depression, social anxiety disorder and ADD, so I can appreciate many of your experiences. I only leave my house twice a month and only with my husband. I wanted to go into a department store recently to get a new lipstick of my favorite shade. I had run out a long time ago. I took the tube in case I couldn't remember the color. The sales person had to go to the stockroom and was gone for so long I thought she forgot about me. I finally walked away and here she comes yelling, "Ma'am, ma'am, I found your lipstick!" People who were behind got mad because she let me get back up to the counter, I could hear them talking. I was going to use my charge card for that store, but I had forgotten which store I was in. I asked the sales person and she said, "What?!" I started looking at my credit cards to see if I could remember. She asked me to step aside until I found my card so she could wait on someone else. As I moved, I dropped my purse. I was going to cry. I quickly gathered up my belongings and ran out of the store. By the time I got to the car I begged my husband to just drive as fast as possible back to our house. My heart was pounding, my breathing was short and I was shaking. God Bless You again and again and again.

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  23. Brenda, I'm so glad that you wrote and published this post. Your posts help those of us who have some level of problem functioning in this crazy world and it also helps us understand exactly what you go through on a daily basis. As you were describing what goes on around you while you are in stores and how your brain processes it, I could visualize it all. Thank you for being so open about your diagnosis. I'm glad you were able to get your paperwork completed. It is such a nightmare trying to get these things taken care of on systems that do not want to seem to cooperate most of the time.

    I see that Rue mentioned OCD. I have that as well. I know people laugh off being OCD, but it is a horrible thing to have. It is difficult to relax and just enjoy something as it is. You can’t walk into a room without straightening things. Sitting to watch a movie is often difficult because I see things I need to fix and jump up to take care of it. I find it more and more difficult to go into restaurants and to shop without thinking about all of the bacteria in the world and find myself having to constantly go to the restroom to wash my hands while I’m out shopping. Then I can’t touch anything after washing my hands until I have lotion on them. It is just an endless, crazy cycle. If there is a large crowd, I feel like my brain is being squeezed, but I’m a very social person.

    Thank you again for your openness and willingness to share with us and thank you for the opportunity for us to share with you and with others. We are each created in our own unique way and it’s wonderful when we can understand and accept each other for how we are. 

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  24. I don't have Asperger's but I do understand some of what you go through and I hate that you're experiencing this every day! I am on medication for OCD and it is my lifeline!

    My daughter is a nanny for a family with an Autistic son and I am so grateful she has this opportunity in life. It has made her kinder, more aware, and more of a "momma bear" at 20 than I ever thought possible.

    Your story reminds me to be slow to anger, slow to speak, quick to give grace, peace and love for I never know what it's like to live in anyone else's brain but my own.

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  25. Bless you! I so wish there was a place for people to go as soon as they are diagnosed, young or old or in between, where they could learn coping and soothing techniques. Learn how to live in a crazy, loud, busy world. No one should have to suffer so much.

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  26. I have to be honest... after many, many years of being diagnosed with an array of issues (ADD, Social Anxiety, Depression, etc.), I've never felt relief when prescribed medication (it is embarrassing for me to even admit that I've battled those things). But, after hearing your symptoms, I'm wondering if I'm really dealing with a form of Aspergers?! I cannot stand to go out in public. If anyone brings any attention my way, I panic. It is a reflex - something I cannot help (though I wish I could!). If someone tries to talk to me, and there is a lot happening around me (such as a grocery store/mall), I black out... I couldn't tell you what I've said, after the conversation is over. I feel my face flush, I sweat, I panic - ready to leave the building/buggy where it sits. In the checkout line, I cringe at the thought of the people behind me watching as I am front and center. It is an awful feeling.... I'm so thankful that you've had the courage to step up and talk about it. It has helped me, more than you know.

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  27. I think your blog posts are amazing. It is so important to be patient with lines at stores and be considerate about what others go through. Awareness is key to family and friends.

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  28. Dear Brenda, you truly are helping those that have similar anxieties and social difficulties, but you write in such a clear and concise way, that everyone can feel the hurt and pain that you endure each and every day. I am sure that just getting it out into blogland is helping all sorts of people to realise what they have is not a form of madness, just over sensory perception. I have a grandson who is Aspergers and who is self medicating with weed, but if only he could realise that he could be helped instead of drugging himself and alienating himself from the family, he could have a much better life.. Thank you again for sharing, and hope all goes well for you this week.. hugs from across the pond janzi

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  29. I think that there is a huge percentage of the population that suffers from symptoms like yours. Luckily we are learning more and more about autism in its many forms. What was once unacceptable in society is now accomodated. I see kids in the assemblies at school with headphones on to quiet the noise so they can participate. I see movie theatres and malls having "quiet" times so people can shop with less stimulation. I think we are making progress and it's posts like this, that explain what it's like, that help people to have sympathy rather than impatience or confusion when a situation comes up with someone who processes things differently.

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