I sat here yesterday a good bit of the day "unsubscribing" and I'm doing the same today. Seems I just finish unsubscribing from one when another pops up to take its place.
I've come to the place in life where I understand happiness.
I didn't even come up with a "word" for 2016 like I generally do. I never make resolutions. I think they are a ripe recipe for disappointment.
But I've noticed in the last month or so that happiness has found me. Settled down on my shoulders like a well-fitting sweater.
It just took me almost 59 years to be still long enough for it to come sit down beside me for a little heart-to-heart. And when happiness reached out and held my hand, I felt peace flow through me.
I have come to terms with things I cannot change. That is a massive time suck, not to mention the emotional roller coaster it puts you on.
I've come to accept the relationships that are not how I want them to be. I've done what I can. I've put my desires and wishes and apologies out there. Which means the proverbial ball is in a court other than mine.
And I have stopped wringing my hands in futility. Waiting and hoping.
Another time suck.
If you build it, they will come...
I think if you step forth and admit your faults, do what you can to make amends, and they don't pick up the ball that is in their court, then you have to let it go.
This helps me: Pretend it is a blown-up balloon tethered to a string and you're holding it in your hand. Say what you must to that balloon. Make peace with it. Take all the time you need to say what is in your heart.
And let it go.
As you watch it soar up and up, bobbing off into the unknown, relax. I mean really relax. Loosen those shoulders. Take a deep breath.
Let it go...
Literally and figuratively.
The balloon is now out of sight. You know that you have done what you could.
You may or may not get what you wish from someone. It just may not happen. And you have to be okay with that.
Because there's not a damn thing you can do to change it once you've appealed to that person in your most earnest of pleas. Said your apologies. Voiced your hope.
It's like chasing a dream. You might grab the tail end of it, but the rest of it remains as illusive as fog. And you can't grab hold of fog.
So if it doesn't happen, what you want from the bottom of your heart...
You've. Got. To. Let. It. Go.
As must as it pains you, sends you into paroxysms of tears, prods you to relive the past and ask yourself what you should have done differently, you must move to the next stage of life instead of living with one foot planted firmly in the past.
Or life, that most tenuous and finite of things, will simply pass you by.
My life isn't perfect by any stretch of the imagination. But I've forgiven, and hope to be forgiven. I've let go of the anger I was holding onto, which does nothing but ruin your health and future happiness.
What I want and what I get are two different things. If what I want from someone comes to me, I will be both immensely relieved and tearfully ecstatic.
If it doesn't, I'm not going to fling myself on the pyre.
I live my life in a one bedroom apartment with the pupsters, where I'm far happier than I was in a nice fancy house with granite counter tops and trendy travertine flooring.
I don't exactly exude strength, but I'm not fragile either.
I'm grateful for my little spot in the world. It may not be everyone's cup of tea, but I take coffee anyway.
My glass is half full, which is a very important place to keep it. For once it becomes half empty, you often have to force yourself to start all over.
Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.
Take several steps back. If your glass is half-empty, you most assuredly have some work to do.
You can't go back in time. You can't rewrite history.
I'm a big believer in karma.
It is intention that creates karma.
One definition of Karma: it is the result of our own past actions and our own present doings. We ourselves are responsible for our own happiness and misery. We create our own Heaven. We create our own Hell. We are the architects of our own fate.
...I believe that if you put good out there, then good will come back to you...
If you build it, they will come...
If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be. - Unknown
A balloon might just pop into sight, hovered over the horizon, when you least expect it. And as an unforeseen force sends it closer and closer, you may suddenly realize that it isn't your balloon. The one you sent out there into the universe.
It just might be someone else's. Slowly making its way to you. Filled with enough air to keep alive the promise of renewed hope.
Sit down and wait for it to reach you. Then embrace what you've been given.