Purging More Than Things


Last night I laid awake in the dark thinking about some things. 


And this thought came to me. Were momentous things meant to be?

Are things predestined?

I'm not sure if I believe it. But believing it would give me some degree of peace.

I've decided, in our purging/decluttering series for January, that it won't be just things that we hope to purge. 

There are so many things we hold onto. Things that are twisting us into pretzels.

Things we simply cannot do anything about.

So we can join together and work on letting it go. An emotional purging, I guess you could call it. 

I don't know if it's possible, but we can try.


Wouldn't it be nice if we could just snap our fingers and poof! The letdowns and the pain and the sadness would just evaporate?

Of course that doesn't happen. 

But you and I can make the effort to say goodbye to it. To let it go.

Of relationships that meant so much we thought they'd last forever. 

Of people that left you with the bitter taste of disappointment in your mouth.

Of family that simply don't want you in their life. 

For me, that is the most bitter of disappointments.

 

Damn, it hurts. There's no denying that. It's a million little paper cuts on the end of your finger.

But life doesn't pause. And the clock doesn't stop ticking while you struggle with acceptance.

It's easy to let things go, comparably speaking. It's fairly easy to clean out the closets and drawers and get things organized.

But can you let people go?


You can continue to live. Or you can continue to let it eat at your soul bit by bit till it kills you.

So what choice do we have? 

Can we find the strength to turn the page?


35 comments

  1. I had to make that difficult decision a number of years back, to let go of the husband I loved. He didn't love himself or me enough to quit drinking, so I had no choice but to walk away. I still think of him every day and wish him the best, but I couldn't be in his life any longer. It was one of the most difficult decisions I ever made, but now I have peace in my life.

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    1. Been there. Alcohol is such a powerful addiction and ruins so many lives.

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  2. I am in the same boat as Debbie (Mtn Mama), and happy now. It is still difficult dealing with the burden of worry, though, hoping my two adults daughters never fall into the at-risk behavior they've inherited, and being careful in expressing my feelings about it all for the sake of their relationships with their dad.

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    1. I feel for you. Thank goodness the man I married was not the father of my children.

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  3. Replies
    1. I so enjoy the conversations that evolve here.

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  4. I don't know if you believe in the Bible, but if you do (even if you do not believe it is the "inerrant word of God" stuff), it says that man was born with free will and WE, not God, not anyone else, but WE and WE alone, determine our own path. We have free will to make choices. Sure, we don't have any way in where or how we were born, or the fact that we were born at all. We don't have a choice in who our parents were, our siblings, our relatives. They may all be schmucks. They may mostly be wonderful. What we have control over is our own minds, our own hearts, our own souls, once we reach a certain age and learn how to reason. Then, it's up to us. Things my be imposed upon us from outside forces through no fault of our own, but it is up to each of us individually to determine how we respond. No "destiny." No "preordained fate." If that was the case, what the heck would be the point of going through living and striving to be the best person we can be? Why not just settle, then, for being an a-hole just like so many other a-holes out there in the world? I say NO THANKS to that way of thinking. I DECIDE HOW I THINK. I DECIDE HOW I FEEL. Nobody and no one else. Only me.

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  5. I'm with Jan. She says it better than I can. Abbreviated, it means make the most our of what you have, do the best you can, have pity on those who seem to be your enemies, try to love everyone anyway.A great exercise is to make 2 lists on a piece of paper. (Paper,so you can save it within eye-reach always.) One list is anything that bothers you, people, comments, things that have gone wrong in your life. The other list is for the good things. List people who care about you, things that you love, good things that have happened to you over the years, etc. Then cross out the first list, the bad things and never think of them again. The second list is is the gold to always remember.

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  6. My only daughter walked out of my life 15 years ago without any explanation. It has taken a very long time for me to find peace and each day makes it a little easier. I also have amazing friends in my life.

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    1. I'm three years in, and mine does not respond to my reaching out to her. I can only love her and keep putting one foot in front of the other. I don't know what else to do.

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  7. I also believe we have free will. Nothing is predetermined. We have choices to make in this life and lessons to be learned. Life is not fair, that's for sure, but I do believe in karma. And what goes around comes around. We often are hurt by those we love, but if we are honest with ourselves we know that we've hurt people we care about as well. We reap what we sow.
    I think it is good to let some things go, but also to think about what we learned from that relationship or experience.

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    1. Such a wonderful post... I really, really needed this post now... The Christmas holidays this year are very hard, as I am estranged from both my grown children... We were always very close and I never thought things would end up this way, but they have... I know I have to get up and go on, but all I really want to do is hibernate... If it wasn't for my faith in God and my animals I don't know if I would have the strength to go on... Thank you so much for this post, it really helps... Merry Christmas... Also never forget how much your words mean to all of us out here folowing your blog...

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    2. I agree with your words, and it is important to learn from it all. I also believe in karma.

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    3. Debbie, we never how things will end up. These things often sneak up on us and we just have to deal with it. Somehow.

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  8. I believe every day, how it is spent, what we will allow to disturb us or let go, and what we will nurture are all our own doing. You can't control what others feel or how they behave toward you, but you can do the best you can where you are, with whom are appreciative and worthy of your efforts. This probably does not apply to you, but often people don't acknowledge why others may have turned away from them and so the relationship isn't repaired. I can tell you I'm sure my own father wishes more people had remained in his life now that he is old and living in a nursing home. I am the only one willing to visit him regularly and bring him what he wants/needs. The reason in that circumstance is he was not a person who valued or nurtured friendships or family ties. He went about his life as it suited him, not thinking of anyone around him or how it would affect them. I try not to let his poor choices including his attitude toward his daughters affect me.. it wasn't about me. That alleviates some of the hurt.

    Let go or be dragged - great saying right there.

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    1. Let go or be dragged, never heard that one. Great way to look at it.

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  9. Thank you for this post. I have had family walk out of my life and it's very painful, but it's time to move on.

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    1. It is so hard to watch them walk away. Especially if you really aren't certain why.

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  10. I have a sister who wants nothing to do with me. I have finally accepted it.

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  11. As cliche as it may sound, Brenda I cannot let go of hurts or people who may no longer want me in their life. Not on my own. There is a saying "let go and let God." He does not always fix the problem as I would wish, but He always comforts me and carries me till I can bear the hurt on my own.

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    1. Hard no matter how you choose to deal with it.

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  12. I get great comfort reading here and your posts Brenda are spot on and this one especially at this what can be a vulnerable time of the year! I so agree with what Ance Mist said about the list, I think with the impending new year, this might be a good one to make a start on. I still find it so sad when the people in your life turn away or walk away. I guess its part of the ebb and flow of life.

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    1. It ebbs and it flows. And somehow, we have to find a way to flow with it.

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  13. My biggest problem has always been knowing when & how to let go...I think I am getting it right this time...

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  14. I'm learning that in some areas, I have to let go of the idea of letting go. Bad things happened, there's no denying it, and there's no denying the memories. For me, the goal is to quit punishing myself for having a burden, to accept it, and give myself permission to look good while toting it around. Maybe I could put it in a cute purse instead of keeping it inside my head 24/7.

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    1. Great idea! We might accept it, but we are still toting it around. Even if it's carrying around the hole in your heart.

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  15. What a spot on post, Brenda! As I usually say, that's one of my projects for this coming year... the "letting it go" and no, not the things, but the people who already gave up on me. :/
    Thinking of you this holiday season! Hugs, Cristina

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    1. Those that give on you, when you know you would never have given up on them, is such a hard concept to accept.

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  16. Thank you. I need to make some decisions, need to purge. After the day I had yesterday, I am tired of getting hurt. I am looking forward to your series starting. I will, if it is alright, share what I need to purge. I am so tired of getting hurt by people that say they love me. Oh, and it is family.

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    1. Oh, I want everyone to share! I think that is a great part of the process, so we can support one another.

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  17. I've turned the page on lots of relationships in the past year. Decided to test my so-called friends to see what they would do if I just stopped sending them daily messages and inspiration. Guess what. I heard nothing. For months. And from some, nothing at all. So I said, that's it. I'm done trying to keep up friendships when the other person isn't doing their part. Every relationship is a two-way street.

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I always enjoy reading your comments and having you join the conversation here at Cozy Little House. It is like having a gathering of friends sitting in my cozy apartment. Enjoying coffee and dessert, chatting and having a good time. I appreciate each and every one of you!

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Brenda has been writing since grade school. She majored in professional writing/journalism in college, where she won awards for her feature writing. She loves to decorate, garden, enjoy nature, read and spend time with her Yorkies.

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