Regret Is Meaningless


Yesterday I went through things in the kitchen and in one bedroom closet, and gave quite a few things to the complex manager. 


She's using what I give her to set up an apartment staged for potential residents to view. 

I'm starting to see progress. And so is she.

Moving & Shifting...

This has caused the shifting around of things, of course, in the living and dining area. 

I've moved the coffee bar where the dining table was, and the dining table where the coffee bar was, to give more room to walk through with my new living room arrangement. 

Not sure if that is going to work or not. I'm just doing a bit at a time and letting it sit while I rest my ankle. I can't do it all at once like I did in my younger days anyway.


And really, I've learned that this is a better way to figure out what you want. By doing a bit and then living with it a day or so to look at all the variables.

I can see I'm going to have to repaint the kitchen table. It's chipped on top. The same shade of yellow, but with a more durable paint.

I think the cabinet paint I already have will hopefully do the trick. 

Abi Update...

Abi is no longer limping, but she is still taking medication for inflammation and pain for her ACL. If I could just get that dog to stop jumping like a puppy!

She is now snuggled here beside me in the chair, fast asleep. Charlie is in his basket with his "blankie" on the couch. 

Cold Weather & Gray Days...

It's supposed to be quite cold here for a few days. So I will be staying in. 

This cold is really hard on my ankle.

You know, every time someone asks me how I broke both sides of my right ankle, I tell them I stumbled and fell one way, reached up to protect my camera, and then veered the other way. 

And of course they say: "Bet you wish you'd just let the camera go and protected yourself."

But you know, you can't sit around and regret what you did or didn't do. It's futile. 

I reacted in an instant, for that's all I had. And I can't go back and redo it. 

So I just live with what happened and move on.


I think we waste a lot of time with regret. I know I have. It's something I try not to do. 

Of course there are days when I'm fixated on something that happened. Something I did. Something I said.

But we aren't given "do-overs." 

There's no director to yell "cut" to allow us to try to get our lines right.

Getting Older, Gaining Wisdom...

If there's one thing you learn as you get older, it's that it's ridiculous to waste time on thinking what you should or shouldn't have done in the past. 

That's wasting your future. 

And that's the opposite of "living in the moment."


These days we hear and read a lot about this: Being more present in your day-to-day life. Making each moment count.

But it's really quite true,isn't it? 

So much time goes into planning the future. Vacations, visits with loved ones. Moving into a dream home.

All "some day."

But there's only so much planning one can do. When trying to plan everything, you're missing out on now. Today.

And then sometimes things happen beyond our control, and those plans go up in flames.

How Much Planning Is Too Much Planning...

Sometimes I think many parents these days are over-planning their children's lives. Some kids have schedules that would rival that of a business magnate. 

I believe that children learn creativity by entertaining themselves. Having time to play in the mud. Not having so many electronic devices and learning to play with mundane objects. 

My kids loved to play with pots and pans on the floor. Or use spoons to play drums on them while I cooked.

There's something to be said, I think, for learning to entertain themselves with what's at hand. Instead of constantly buying them new toys in shiny packages.

Of course we want our children to have more than we did. That's natural. 

But life is not always a shiny package full of wonderful surprises, is it? 

That is a reality we come to learn as time goes by.


37 comments

  1. I sure do enjoy your posts, and I also think of your blog as more of a lifestyle blog than a decorating blog. I think you can still post decorating ideas by sharing pictures you find of rooms or vignettes that belong to others. And I like the idea of yours to have readers post pictures of their decorating dilemmas, or even their successes.

    As far as regrets go, I think most of us in middle age spend time with that subject. It is pretty interesting how the mind will conjure up something that happened a very long time ago and torture you with it. I have learned to say, "well I did what I thought was the right thing to do at the time, and I have learned a lot since then. And I am not going to think about that!" And I make myself change the subject and think of something more interesting to get my mind off of it.

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    1. My mother-in-law used to say: "You did the best you could with what you had."

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  2. Absolutely right Brenda, no do overs, you can only learn from them. The weather and activities is a major player in how your ankle feels, painfully I'm sure. I have arthritis in my left hip and I'm done for the day with the physical chores. I have a dog on my lap and the other in her bed on the couch too:). Relax and view the changes in your dining room while you are resting. Stay warm with your sweet pupsters, Kathleen in Az

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    1. You're so right about the weather and activities! It's hard for me to be too still for long. Wish I was wired different sometimes.

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  3. Well said Brenda! I can't live with a head full of regrets. Sure I have some but I accept my life and move on. There is so much joy still here to experience! Glad Abi is doing better! Hugs.

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    1. I think with age comes wisdom. We realize that time is not infinite. And we'd better just put it aside and soldier on.

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  4. My dad always used to say...I zagged when I should've zagged! Ain't that the truth! There are no right nor wrong decisions in life...only the ones we make at the time with the knowledge we possess at that time. So my philosophy is...why bother wasting time stewing about it. I'm anxious to see what you are doing in your apartment! ;)

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    1. I've heard that one. And I zigged when I should have zigged many times!

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  5. I couldn't agree more, Brenda. Always leave here feeling more inspired! Happy Friday, my friend!

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    1. I think of you holed up in your home, in that lovely setting where you write, creating yet another novel for me to read!

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  6. Replies
    1. I like to think of this place as a community of women of a certain age that help one another.

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  7. Nice of you to help out the manager.
    No do overs in life but we can move forward with the experiences we have gone through.
    I injured my ankle just like you said you did. I was coming down the steps on a bleacher fast nothing to hold on, at the bottom there was some rocks or bumpy concrete. My ankle went one way and then the other. I was a lot younger then. I broke it and really sprained it. I was out of a cast 10 days. I got everything done for Christmas. Then two days before Christmas I fell I thence. More fractures and admitted to the hospital. Took forever to heal. Like I said I was a whole lot younger then.
    So no ice for you.

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    1. The doctors told me if I'd been younger, say 15, things would have turned out quite differently.

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  8. yes we can't regret what is done - you just learn to live with it. I so agree with you about today's children - so many planned activities - let children be children and play all these play dates :) I just don't understand how child raising has come to this

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    1. It would have worn me out trying to keep track of who was supposed to be where when!

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  9. People are very good at giving advice.
    I slipped on the ice about 7 years ago,I stood up and attempted to get in the house and went down a 2nd time
    You should have heard the advice and wisecracks I felt like the world's biggest doofus
    What's done is done and can't be undone...

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    1. When you feel yourself going down, it's an instant in time. You don't have enough time to make decisions. You react and then live with how you reacted. You may have reacted differently another day. But who knows?

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  10. I agree that children base all their entertainment on electronics these days. My 15 year old depends a lot on his gaming military computer. When we lose power way out here he gets in a ruffle. Same thing with the 9 year old grand she is always with her ipad, I try to pull her in the kitchen to bake or craft. Im always at them. They just don't know what they are missing. I wrote the first of my Childrens series on a typewriter and loved it. Now I admit I do use the computer. So glad little Abi is coming along. I have two also a black lab and a small black mixed breed they are inseparable many think that the lab is the mom. Regret is a stale word to me try not to dwell on it. I know what you mean about your ankle in the cold weather, I broke my tailbone after being crashed from behind and when I travel to ct. or NY I make sure I have a good stash of Aleve. Stay warm! Lisa@ Sweet Tea N' Salty Air

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    1. I'm so glad my kids are grown and we didn't even have the internet when they were growing up. Now they'll have to deal with that with their own children as best they can.

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  11. You are so inspiring and thought provoking. To me living with regret is akin to living with worry all the time. You have to let it go or it will eat you up. I learned that a long time ago. Except maybe now I regret having so many things I need to part with, that's why I'm looking forward to Jan and your thoughts on clutter. Let me give you a big laugh and thoughts on falling. Last night its' literally 1:30 and and I'd let my lab out to go to the bathroom, but she kept barking incessantly, so I put my robe on and tennis shoes and set out to get her. I went to the side of the house and forgot that due to the rain the ground was so soft. I sunk in about one foot and face planted myself right in the ground! Then proceeded to say bad words. Sometimes we just can't control our falls!

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    1. I won't laugh because I know it hurt like hell! Not to mention the dirt and mud you probably had to pull out of your eyelids.

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  12. I 100% agree!

    Grace & Peace,
    Pam

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    1. Maybe you and I can go to lunch after the new year.

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  13. a rich imagination can help us throughout our life. and the best place to learn it is childhood.
    you have said it beautifully here.
    and...
    I can never get enough pictures of those adorable room mates of yours!

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    1. I skipped one day of giving Abi a pill, because it seemed to be upsetting her stomach. And today she started limping. So back to the meds we went.

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  14. Great advice Brenda. Live for today and embrace what will come tomorrow. I feel the same as I get older it is so much better to enjoy today and forget about what happened in the past. Just gives us so much more peace in our lives. Glad little Miss Abi is doing so well. Hugs to you, Abi and Charlie. Enjoy this week as we head on down to the big day.
    Merry Christmas.
    Kris

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    1. She started limping again today. But I tried to skip one day of pills because it was giving her diarrhea. Guess I'll have to call the vet and ask how long she can take it.

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  15. I wish I had a dollar for each time I said "if only I'd stayed at home" that icy morning that I fell and broke my ankle after taking my daughter to school. Mine broke in 2 places at the end of the tibia and once in the fibula. Hardware still remains after all those years and yes, the pain. Especially after a lot of walking and weather changes. Everyone said why on earth did you get out that day? Well, daughter had a test and she was on crutches herself after having had knee surgery and I couldn't very well expect her to walk down the hill to the bus! Oh, and of course our school was the only one in the area to be in session that icy day! Well, it is what it is and regrets...I've had a few...as the song goes. Waste of time in the long run. Kind of like worrying...doesn't change a thing!

    I quite agree that children are given way too much and need to learn to entertain themselves with what's available. I know some kids that are unbelievably spoiled and can't imagine what they'll be like when they are adults and find out that everything they want isn't handed to them.

    Stay warm and stay well!

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    1. Sounds like you had to help your daughter due to her injury. Is it causing you arthritis pain now?

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  16. I do have regrets, and they have been wise teachers. Dwelling on regrets and not moving on can be a huge roadblock in life. But regret itself can be an excellent tool for examining one's behavior and motives and for looking for ways to change and have a healthier life.

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  17. Once something happens it happens...what can you do...as they say "it is what it is" No amount of dwelling on it will change it...

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  18. Lovely post, Brenda. Living in the moment and practicing mindfulness is hard to do! I have some books on that and the Buddha's teachings and at the very least it helps you to pay attention to your mind more and catch yourself when you are living in the past or the future ( which seems to be almost constantly when I pay attention to the never-ending yakking of my 'monkey'mind! :)

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  19. I just love reading your posts Brenda. You have such a gift for writing! You make the "regular" stuff of daily life interesting, entertaining, comforting and thought provoking. So cool! Thank you for sharing your great gift with all of us.

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  20. Great post Brenda and so true. I try really hard not to wallow in regret too. And I whole heartedly agree that children should learn to entertain themselves. My daughter (26 now) used to love to play with old costume jewelry, she would sit for hours and get all tangled up in the super long necklaces. She also played OUTSIDE... a lot! There were no electronics like there are today. I think it's so sad when I see children glued to a cell phone or video game and that's their only source of entertainment.

    Tania

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  21. Great post Brenda. I like the things you post about. I think of your blog as a lifestyle blog. I get tired of decorating blogs. I think that is why I started to accumulate so much stuff. Now I need to do a huge cleaning out. I enjoy your blogging style. You are real and you show ideas for home decorating along with your stories. Keep going on this direction. Merry Christmas. Karie

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I always enjoy reading your comments and having you join the conversation here at Cozy Little House. It is like having a gathering of friends sitting in my cozy apartment. Enjoying coffee and dessert, chatting and having a good time. I appreciate each and every one of you!

Author Bio

Brenda has been writing since grade school. She attended journalism school where she majored in professional writing. She loves to decorate, garden, read and spend time with her Yorkies.
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