Ultimately...Acceptance


Oddly enough, yesterday was quite warm. I wore shorts as I cleaned and mopped. Took the vacuum apart to clean. Opened the windows. For awhile I even had the air conditioning on!


I wanted to show you my cleaning tote. I'm still using Mrs. Meyers. I ordered their products well over a year ago, and still haven't completely used it all.


Of course you have to take into account that I have a small space to clean. And that I'm only cleaning up after one adult and two dogs.


I've ordered my second shipment. I find that spending thirty some odd dollars a year for cleaning products is pretty cheap!

What I've Finished Reading...

I finished The Silkworm by Robert Galbraith/JK Rowling. As well as Done With The Crying by Sheri McGregor. Here is what I thought of them:

   
The Silkworm: This was the second book in a trilogy that my daughter has read and then passed on to me. And I've enjoyed them both.

The books are complex and highly entertaining in my view. You become absorbed in the characters quickly.

I can't wait until she finishes the third book and I get to read it.



Done With The Crying: This book was monumental for me. I learned so much and am so very glad a reader suggested it to me.

I dog-eared many pages to refer back to. 

  
The various parents' stories really rung true for me. I found myself in bits and pieces of their own stories. 

Some adult children had only been estranged a few years. Some many years.

If you find yourself in this situation (and I wouldn't wish it on anyone), this book will help you to accept that which you cannot change. 


This book will help you gain tools in learning to embrace your own life in a whole new way.

I was floundering before I read this book. I found my emotions rotating from anger to shock to sadness. Bewilderment. Guilt, thinking if I'd only done this or done that at such and such a time.

At first, it will seem that that is all you have left. The wondering. But if you aren't careful, it will start to define you.


Oftentimes adult children merely change like anyone else. And with that change, you may not be accepted into their circle. 

When they were children, you could talk to them, try to reason with them. 

But once they are adults, they make their own choices. And you have to learn to respect that and the boundaries they set forth.

Even if you find yourself on the outside looking in. 


I won't say that the book wholly mitigates your pain. But it gives you good coping mechanisms to learn to live your own life, with or without your adult child.

Remember my recent post about regret? Regret is meaningless. 

It is just an emotion that feeds off the past, and keeps you from fully moving forward into the future.

The Bathroom... 

I think I may paint the bathroom in the white paint I already have from painting the lower half of the dining space. 

I can see I don't have enough of the tan paint. And I don't want to spend money on more. 

I may use the mirror I have between the wall quilts in my bedroom. I will see how the size looks anyway.

The vanity is scheduled to arrive today. I don't yet have Kenny's schedule as to what weekend he can work me in. 

And yes, I will have before photos to show you.

Simple Living... 

Each day I find that I'm learning more and more about simplifying my life. 

In doing so, I'm seeing all the little things that are glaringly obvious once you push aside all the unimportant things.

When it's winter time, I miss out on nature so much. So I have to find things indoors that give me pleasure while I await spring.


Like buying myself a bouquet. Or a box of chocolates. 

I did that recently. Before Christmas I was in CVS and they had boxes of chocolates on sale. I was getting prescriptions and took them to the counter to pay.

The girl said: "Oh, I see someone is getting the gift of chocolates!"

I said: "Yeah, and that's me."

Why not?

There was a time in my life when I wouldn't have done that. I would have waited on a man to do it on my birthday or Valentine's Day. Or done without.

Boy, have I learned a lot! I don't need a man to do that. I can take charge and do it myself. 

So go ahead and buy yourself that lovely bouquet or sweet box of chocolates. And enjoy them now.
 

21 comments

  1. That book sounds like it can benefit anyone, even those that aren't estranged from children. I don't think too many of us are immune to hurt and disappointment.

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  2. I loved this post, and it sure does sound like you have grown a lot this past year.

    I cannot wait to see your new bathroom remodel, I am sure you are so excited. I like the idea of white walls in the bathroom. With your love of color, you can change out your shower curtain whenever you want, and also the towels. So fun!

    When I moved to this apartment 4 years ago, I was so excited as it had beige walls and beige tile fireplace surround, and beige tiled kitchen and entry with white cabinets. Now I am so tired of the beige and I wish I had white walls, which seem so clean looking to me as well as they make a blank canvas for art, decor and any color of accessories you might want.

    But since I cannot change it, especially the beige tile everywhere, I have decided to embrace it and am decorating in a more woodsy, rustic style which is relaxing and comfortable. And I know myself well enough to know that even if I had white walls, I might eventually wish I had the beige walls back since I do love all the earth toned colors and neutrals.

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  3. Interesting post, Brenda! Thank you for the book recommendations. I'm so glad you now buy yourself flowers, candy, whatever. You're so right in that a man is not needed for that! :) Being good to yourself is so important!

    We've had temps from almost 80 to 18! This week we're in the high 70's with constant wind. The Mountain Cedar is horrible and will get worse. The Hill Country of Texas is a major source of cedar trees and the winds are blowing it this way. I'm highly allergic to it so it's not a pleasant way to live right now. I think the trees are getting confused and might begin to bloom...hopefully, that doesn't happen! We'll definitely have more freezing temps.

    Have a wonderful week! Can't wait to see the bathroom changes.

    xo
    Pat

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  4. Glad to hear you are taking care of yourself.

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  5. Thank you for recommending Done with the crying! My daughter has not contacted me in 15 years. I have no idea why she's doing this but I've written to her and the mail is returned to me. I have reached a point where I have some peace with this but will definitely buy the book. Thanks again Brenda! Also love that you treat yourself to flowers and candy

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  6. Brenda, it sounds like this book has been very helpful to you and I think you are helping many others by sharing the wisdom and insight you have gained. Looking forward to your bathroom remodel!

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  7. I am so glad you found the book helpful. I am blessed to not have that situation in my life but I can only imagine how hurtful it is. I think a white bathroom is wonderful and then add color with accessories. I too treat myself to little presents! I'm worth it for sure! I've heard only good things about Mrs. Meyers products, might be time to try them.

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  8. I would like to make a comment that I hope is not inappropriate. You have posted a lot about being rejected as a mother, but there are those of us, and I am one of them, that are rejected by our mothers. My mother did not want me and she seemed to take pleasure in letting me know that. She also did everything within her power, and boy did she have a lot of power, to ruin my life. And I did everything in my power to try and earn her love and approval, all to no avail. I finally moved away and the distance did wonders for me. I have found that the things you have posted from Done With The Crying have helped me immensely. I only wish I had realized some of these things sooner. I am a little older than you are and I find it extremely sad that we have had to live so long with such hurt and pain. But we teach people how treat us.

    Your photos are beautiful and add so much to your posts. Love your flowers and I bought myself a box of chocolates for Christmas also!

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    1. It's not at all inappropriate. My own mother and father sold me to the landlady to pay back rent when I was six weeks old. But I think that if, like you, I'd actually grown up with such a mother, it would have been far worse. I'm so sorry.

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  9. I did it--bought myself a bunch of flowers in the grocery store today--then I started to panic as I realized I did not a vase to put them in--but--suddenly I remembered I had an old 2 quart canning jar sitting on the counter at home--and it turned out being perfect for them--now I have planned to buy myself some flowers for--years really--but then always talked myself out of spending that money--but not today!!! Thanks--
    Enjoy the moments di
    you can see my flowers over on my blog site!!

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  10. I always like your book reviews and we have talked in the past about the estrangement of our adult children. We were one of the lucky ones that the 'child' found its way back to the family fold and decided it wasn't so bad after all. I pray that happens for you, too, someday. But-in between the estrangement and reconnection we had to 'give it over'--we had to "let go"..and that was painful but necessary. Once we had done that we found some peace that had eluded us for years.

    Can't wait to see your new bathroom. At least in the apartment they will let you paint-that isn't always the case. xo Diana

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  11. The book sounds wonderful...I am glad it has brought you some peace. I think acceptance is a good thing for helping anyone live a more peaceful, less stressful life.
    Looking forward to seeing the bathroom come together!

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  12. Brenda, I'm so glad I found this book through your blog. I think it's helped me already and I'm only half way through it. Thanks!
    xo

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  13. Everyone should treat themselves to little somethings every once in awhile.
    I have a bottle of Mrs Meyer's hand soap in my bathroom. I find I don't need a lot of cleaning supplies. My go-to all-purpose cleaner is a natural cleaner from Trader Joe's that's only $2.99 for a huge bottle. I use it for the kitchen counters, stove and table, as well as everything in the bathroom. I use vinegar to clean my toilets. Bar Keeper's Friend cleans the tub and shower.

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  14. I am so anxious to see your remodel in your bathroom. I know it will be wonderful, as is everything you do in your sweet home. And reading good books, buying flowers and candy as a gift to yourself, that too is wonderful. Little things like that really do make a difference in a person's life, and we only live once, so making each day count, is what it's all about. Bonnie in WI, where we had 10 inches of snow yesterday, and as I write this, the wind chill is -5. Staying in where it's Cozy warm.

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  15. I am so glad to know that reading the book help you to deal with your feelings Brenda...

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  16. Brenda, you always give us something to think about! I enjoy coming here and finding out what's on your agenda. I know you have had a difficult life but you always "pull up your boot straps" and keep plugging along. Can't wait to see how your bathroom turns out. Haven't been posting much lately as I have acquired two Yorkie Poos which keep me busy. Loss my Westie and Welch after 16 1/2 years and said I was done with pups, but brought these two little red cuties into my life. They are sisters and are keeping me on the go. I always enjoy your stories about Charlie and Abi.

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  17. Brenda,
    I will try to stop by more often because I truly enjoyed reading this post. More specifically I loved the quote by Brene Brown.

    Happy New Year!

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  18. I wouldn't have waited for a man to give me chocolates & I would have died before I told her they were for me, which they were. Don't want her thinking..."she must not have a man to give her chocolates." Whereas she probably never thought about me at all. She was probably thinking her feet hurt & she wanted to go home...LOL. But that's an introvert for you. An introvert (me) is inward-focused & doesn't want to call attention to themselves.

    I think the problem we discussed on my blog is fixed now Brenda. Try it again & see if you still get the white screen.

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  19. As usual a very well written post Brenda and one that makes me think. I love the quotes you highlight here. I'm sure helpful to lots of people. I'm glad this book has given you some peace.
    Take care
    Jeannette

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  20. Brenda I felt such sadness when I read what your mother and father did to you. My next emotion was admiration. You worked hard to become a journalist, you now have a successful blog and all the while you were dealing with a condition that you eventually learned was Aspergers Syndrome. You are an inspiration to others by showing you can overcome anything that life sends your way. Thank you for all your insights

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